Monday, September 21, 2009

The End of the First Date

The end of the relationship started on the first date, or lack thereof. What ever happened to the first date?

Don't call me old-fashioned...maybe just a romantic at heart. But can someone answer one thing for me? Have we all forgotten about the importance of the first date? Seems that people today have lost that dating feeling. It used to be that you met someone, you had a courtship over the phone and then after a few days, they ask you out on a date.

That idea seems almost foreign to a lot of people my age and younger. Including me the last few years. Nowadays you meet someone on Myspace, or Facebook...even Twitter. You have a relationship practically over night...and the first spot on his or her friends list.

The problem with that are at the mercy of their representative.

It's easy to be someone you're not via email...we don't put enough on in person one on one interaction. There was a time a first date could tell you everything you ever wanted to know about the person sitting across from you...and then the phone number gets deleted from the CrackBerry...right?

Or for others, it's Friday night...and we go relationship picking at the bars or clubs. Fingers crossed, you are going to meet prince charming in a sea of pointless dicks all out for pointless pussy. Maybe you give out your number...wait a week for a call, depending how easy he thinks you are. Maybe he left a voice mail before you even got home. You hear from him Friday after work and he says something romantic like, "Hey, you want to meet up with my friends and me tonight at the bar?" You and your girls meet up with him and a series of events like this follow in the next few weeks.

Before you know it, you are bringing pizza and beer over to his place and watching a movie. Where did the romance get lost in all of this?

Maybe we are all just that easy these days. It occurred to me a few years ago after speaking to my friend, that maybe dating or being asked out on a date has become a thing of the past. You instantly find yourself going right into a full-fledged relationship where the little things sometimes get lost in the shuffle!

How do we avoid falling into an "Instant Relationship"?

Take it from me...make the first date of importance. Take it slowly! I have learned from experience that the best way to get to know someone is over time-over a few dates-over long conversations that never seem to end. Don't fall for the first wave of bullshit...see if he or she has staying power. Sometimes, all they have is the first wave and little after that.

If they ask you to meet out...tell them that you would prefer a one on one encounter so that you can get to know each other better.

I regret so many relationships in my past because looking back, I did not know nearly
enough about them ahead of time. I was thinking back to one of my best dates and realized that there weren't that many to choose from. What a sad thing! I have always been the "guy with a girlfriend" and now as a single thirty-something man, I find myself longing for the days where it was exciting to the build up to a first date...then a second, then a third…discovering each other in steps.

I think we want the relationship so badly we skip the steps. But I thought we wanted it to last? All we have done is commit to timeshare relationships. Ok, ok, I am old-fashioned. But I like the idea of wining and dining...dropping her off with a kiss that will last forever in her mind. A date she just has to tell a friend about...creating anticipation till the next date night.

My advice: Delete your Myspace. Sign up for Facebook, use it only for family and friends who have been friends long enough to be called FRIENDS. Never fall for your Facebook...or bootycall your Myspace. I'll explain later…lol

Naked Q & A's

Is romance dead? Tell me stories...restore my faith.

Have you ever had a real date?

Tomorrow's DN, we dive into relationships...Are YOU Relationship Ready?

Basil...Dating Naked


Stephanie Faris on September 21, 2009 at 8:54 AM said...

One thing I missed when I was single were crushes. You had those in school...but as an adult you usually don't see groups of people often enough to develop a crush on someone. There's either an interest or not and if there is, you go for it.

I once was told a man was interested in me. He'd seen me passing his building on the way to my car every evening. He came down and introduced himself and we spoke...he was slightly younger than I, but I would have gone out with him. Only, he wouldn't ask. We started talking on the phone, day after day, but as the weekend came, he didn't ask me out. He did invite me to go have beer with him and a friend. I declined. Then he invited himself and his friend over for a beer. Again, I declined. I finally told him I am the type who likes to be taken on a real date...he said that's not him. He prefers to just hang out until we got to know each other and that's how it is. The "pressure of dating" just bothers him.

So we stopped talking and I'm assuming eventually he met someone who was fine with his way of doing things.

Dating Naked on September 21, 2009 at 12:04 PM said...

I think crushes still happen, they have just changed. We add them to our friends lists, and let people know by where we put them.. lol.

"The "pressure of dating" just bothers him"

I like that pressure.. keep me intense and on point. Guys like that want it easy. Don't want to have to think. I know a lot of girls like that.

Hopelessly Jaded on September 21, 2009 at 9:06 PM said...

woooo hoooo!

okay, now here's the deal...I don't really remember a "first date". I think it's been a whole lot of hanging out in group settings and then *presto* relationship.

you are so right, Basil.

Laura on September 21, 2009 at 11:03 PM said...

I'm sorry, but I definitely think romance is dead... it's all about booty calls anymore. I swear the last five guys that have asked me to do something just wanted a booty call... which is okay sometimes, but its starting to get old! lol

The last time I was on an actual date was 8 years ago. WTF!

Dating Naked on September 21, 2009 at 11:35 PM said...

Hey Laura - Lots of girls I know keep saying the same thing. The problem is, ladies have let it go.. so guys are milking it for all they can.

Have to demand the dates back. have maybe one good booycall, that is your secret to keep. once guys know they can get in, with little or no commitment.. they will milk that shit dry.

Anonymous said...

I truly believe that even after a couple is married... a man should still "Date" his wife.

My father is marrying a woman he has been with for 20 years this weekend. Yes 20 YEARS! When asked why did he wait 20 years, he replied "Because I wasn't finished dating her yet."
As sweet as that statement sounded it made me wonder... Why does he need to stop after they are married?

I think it is what keeps relationships ALIVE! Keeps that magnetic SPARK! Small things like love letters even if left for you on your mirror written on sticky notes! It's fun and exciting and gets your heart to flutter :) All of the things that hooked you from the start!

I will not apologize for wanting the romance. The art of the chase, as carnal as it is, is HOT! For the guys who are "pressured by dating" PISS OFF or grow a set of balls and man up! Treat a woman like a lady and court her from the beginning and she will be the sensual woman you have wanted for a lifetime.

Charlotte Sometimes on September 22, 2009 at 3:22 AM said...

I know what should happen... couples should date waaayyy into the relationship to keep things alive I guess... but noone dates anymore at all... I've said this for years... dating is dead!

Dating Naked on September 23, 2009 at 1:13 AM said...

It is, but its making a come back.