Friday, September 25, 2009

Cougars, Dating on a Month to Month Lease.

Have you ever dated a younger man? If not, would you? Is it acceptable for a young man to date an older woman?

While guys dating up is nothing new, for women on the prowl, dating down has gone mainstream. They've even created a network show to celebrate this fact. Although it has been going on forever, it has finally trickled on down to those who may have been curious, but never touched it before.

Making it official, Cougars are in!

For me, dating older women is nothing new, I personally believe, dating up should be a right of passage for young twenty somethings who need a little life experience. It's a trade off in many ways. I think for newly single women, it's a return to a time when it was all a rush. First kisses, and lots of attention from a guy eager to fulfill her needs. For younger guys, it's all education...on the job training for young lions on the prowl. But still, what's in it for the female, some ask?

It's a fair question...why are more and more older women preferring to date younger men these days. I believe in my heart...after long, exhausting relationships; raising a kid and a husband, women come out needing a little fun. Something that feels like that failed relationship when it began. When it was good. When the chase was half the fun. When you thought it wasn't a good idea, but did it anyway because it made you feel high. An escape.

I get questions all the time about the allure of the older woman..."Why older women?"

Well, it's not hard to understand...I would be lying if I didn't say it was the sex factor. But that's women of all ages. You know how some younger girls have this thing for older men? Guys get that same feeling for beautiful, older women. It's a realistic fantasy. So what's not to like? I guess, for me, it started out as a sex thing. It was also the never-did-it-before factor. I read about well as saw it in movies. It opened that door for me, and once I walked in...there was no closing that door. I felt different. My first ever real adult relationship was with an older girl. I was 17, going on 18. After her, was the run...or that's what I called it. I would have work relation's with two. I met another in the gym. It became addictive to just even hang out with these women. I was growing up in their company. I learned so much about me, and in turn...about women on a different level than I had before in the past.

It's more than age though after awhile. It's spending time with a mature woman who has something more to offer me. That was the element I didn't have an understanding of beforehand. I liked that it wasn't just me bringing something. With younger girls closer to my was all about what you could do for them. I never had a girl invite me over to her place, where she made dinner...with candles. It was all new, and I liked it. Dating finally had a grew up.

Of course it was going to be a heartbreak for one, if not both. Eventually what goes up, must come down. The high never lasts. Eventually age matters. Questions become prevalent. Answers can't be avoided with a kiss. You can't live in the moment forever.
You might ask, "Why would anyone set themselves up for disaster and disappointment like that?"

With Kathy, it was never on the table, meaning MORE! I served as her distraction. The guy who wouldn't quit. That guy who flirted with a smile. I was working it from the second she walked in the revolving doors of the hospital, till she walked out...with ME!!!

I was cocky, yet a little wet behind the ears. I was energy, and eagerness. I was daring, not afraid to say something that might be a little off the table, at any given moment. I didn't pretend that I wasn't in lust with her. And that's what she wanted. You see, we started flirting at my job. She worked in the hospital I worked at. She did administrative work for the hospital. And I was the manager of a wannabe gourmet coffee stand in the hospital. That was the bridge into talking, then flirting, then where we ended up. In talking, I didn't have to ask if she wanted more or less, it just came out because we put the time into talking. And WE listened. She knew I was still tangled in my past girlfriend, and she needed to breathe. I guess you can say I helped.

I helped her feel, viable, wanted and lusted after...something her ex, couldn't be bothered with.

I can't say I came in as the big swinging sausage. But I had lots of energy, and she would feed off that. We had moments that I could write about, but it wouldn't do it justice. I came into my own that year. I just didn't offer my services, I learned like a student. And yes, we did talk about the possibilities of more once. She made a very strong point that ended that conversation right there.

She asked, "Will you still want me when I am in my fifties and you are in your early forties?" She said, "Age does matter, don't let anyone tell you differently. Enjoy what it is for the moment. See things in a truthful and factual manner, and it will help you make choices in life." Basically she said to do the math, it never lies. I was there, as a time share. Borrowing that piece of her life. And when it was over, I had to give it back.

But was she right, does age really matter?

I thought about that for awhile. You can't deny the human side of us, even if it sounds politically incorrect. Her other points were just as strong. If we made a go at this, what if she wanted children, and I was YEARS away from being ready for that? Does her clock ticking away mean I should do something I am far from ready to do? So yes, age does matter depending where YOU are in your life, and what you have or have not done. Age means very little when you're putting little on the table, and need to play. So what was in it for me?

My mother once asked me that question: My reply. I'm happy...right here, right now. I am content. I learned a whole lot about life and myself. A relationship is like taking out a year-to-year lease, with an option to buy. With Kathy, it was a day to day, week to week, month to month thing. It was easy. When we stopped seeing each other, there were no hard feelings. There was only a lot of admiration and respect. A woman I am proud to say I still know till this day.

Today, it's not as taboo as it once was...everyone is doing it, whether it's on the down low, or whether it's way out there. What I do notice, is that like any other casual relationship, we are screwing it up by trying to change it to fit our own selfish needs. Age gaps can only work in very rare situations. VERY RARE.
To answer all the questions...let me first start with the first. "Do guys think older women are easier than younger girls?"

You want the truth, the mind of man...right? I would say a good number of younger guys have that impression. YES, not all. But some do. But you shouldn't be mad at that. Guys know women are more sexually aggressive than younger girls. They are more comfortable with sex and their bodies. Guys are not all dumb, they know this. Some guys are going to go for the safest bet, in a way, it is a hearsay trend. What are the other options? Lying to a younger girl, making her believe he wants more than he really does?

Or, date up? Someone who is battle-tested, may be better equipped with dealing with matters of the heart, and knowing how to detach emotions from the physicality. Once guys learned that you could date up without all the bullshit, they became obsessed with it. Same as they did with the label FWB. Put sex, and as little commitment as possible on the table, and you will find plenty of men sniffing around it...Can we agree on that?

What is the age difference that makes one an official cougar?

This is a question I get a lot. It's pretty simple. I have read and agree, it is ten and up. A ten year gap, and you are an official she-pred. But the real truth is, you are only a cougar if you date no one but younger men. There are women, like a former friend of mine, who wouldn't touch anything over 40, being she was getting closer to that age herself. She dated down almost exclusively, all ages within reason. There are women out there who are in their mid to late thirties and up, who date young 20-somethings and nothing but. They want young, hard-bodied 21 year-olds and up, who will satisfy not only their sexual needs, but fulfill their egos. People don't factor in the mind when it comes to this. Being able to date a guy like that, keeps them feeling young and vibrant just knowing they want you.

It used to be a classism thing. Older, rich, women dated the hot pool boy, or the cabana boy at a Sandal's resort. That is where it took different meanings as more and more women started doing the same. So, to answer the question, to be an official she-pred, you have to either be a chronic age dipper, or be between seven to eight years, and then you can start to purr, pussy cats - Ten years - and call yourself a cougar. Last but not least...

What are the rules, and is it "just" a sex thing?

I would say it has to be. It would take special circumstances for it not to be. When I got asked, last year at the age of 32, why wouldn't I date a 40 something seriously? My answer is always because I want children. I want a nice-sized family. I just do, call me crazy in today's world. I don't see many forty somethings, starting a family. Hell, there are a lot of women who are already grandmothers in their mid to late forties.

Never mind popping out three little Basils, both girls and boys. The point is, I don't put that offer on the table, because I need to set a precedent, that it was NEVER on the table. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. So is it just sex, yes and no, it can grow into a friendship. Nothing is ever set in stone. It could very well turn into love. And you go about it when that time comes, but you should never going into it with that in mind, kind of let it happen on its own...kind of like any other relationship. My verdict, Cougars...Dating on a month to month lease.

Questions: Older women actually prefer dating younger men - but would you? Have you?

Do you think it's logical to date down, seriously?

Do you have any more questions about cougars? Has something in this blog made you want to ask me a question?

What should I know, that I may not know from the female's side, about older women and dating down?

My question to the ladies who like them young, why younger men?



Goin to Cali!! on September 25, 2009 at 4:56 PM said...

After my separation and reentery into sex and being single, I had my first one night stand with a 22 year old and was dissappointed by the lack of knowledge, experience or desire to please me. I recently had a very sure thing, with a 22 year old, in front of me for several days and I just couldn't because he lacked the confidence that an older guy has. It was like he was so terrified of me to make a move but dropped comment after comment. A grown man has the confidence and knowledge to grab a woman just right and make her feel wanted. Always being the one to chase someone gets old and they are never aggressive in bed. The lack of common interest for conversation and experience also adds to the my lack of desire for young guys anymore. On the other hand don't get me started on older guys. That's worse!

Dating Naked on September 25, 2009 at 5:08 PM said...

Maybe you just picked the wrong cub Lion. I say, look for the one who makes the, I wanna fuck eye contact.


Lee the Hot Flash Queen on September 25, 2009 at 5:20 PM said...

I have had younger guys flirt with me, but it never went further than that. When I was single, I had two young kids. I think that whole concept scared the young ones off. Not that it would have been anything more than sex for me, but the guys I ran into were not so interested in having a fuck buddy. So, mine have always been my age or older. Which, makes me not a cougar...but maybe a MILF??

Goin to Cali!! on September 25, 2009 at 5:25 PM said...

Eyes are great but if it's not backed up with raw physical contact it's worthless.

imaginethat on September 25, 2009 at 8:52 PM said...

I have never dated down, and not saying I never will. I just prefer older men. Being that I am fresh and new into the dating scene and have no intention of being commited to anyone, this cougar thing for a day or two or three sounds very interesting. :)

Dating Naked on September 26, 2009 at 6:01 AM said...

LOL - Its not an experiment. If you find the right Lion - it can be therapeutic. find the wrong one, it could lead you to women...hahaha

Stephanie Faris on September 26, 2009 at 9:09 AM said...

When I was single, several times I was hit on by a man in his 20s but I declined. I never was the type to look for sex only...and I just didn't feel like I could have a relationship with someone that much younger than I. But until my boyfriend, I ALWAYS dated men younger than I by a year or so. Don't know why that is! It's actually wise... My boyfriend's mom married someone 12 years older and she spent the last 5 years taking care of him as he was ailing. She got to her late 60s and wanted to travel and have fun but by then he was in his 80s and too old to do all that. He died earlier this year.

imaginethat on September 26, 2009 at 4:54 PM said...

20 year olds make me want to throw up. lol! Seriously I don't want to be in the the same category of a cougar or milf. I am happy being single for now, and am learning all over again my likes and dislikes. It's very scary being a single mom, when kids are involved I have to be alot more careful who I let into my life.That is the only thing I think about right now. BUT when I am ready to date again I am not throwing out the idea of a younger man. And I am not throwing out the idea of older. If there is a connection age in my mind is just a number. UNLESS it's twenty. Oh, and I am not throwing out the idea of a woman! Hmmmm...imaginethat!!!


imaginethat on September 26, 2009 at 4:54 PM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dating Naked on September 26, 2009 at 9:52 PM said...

E.. I didn't say a 20 year old. 20 something.. maybe a fresh 25.. to 28. maybe 29 going on thirty would work for you.