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I am here to unleash a brand new Concept, a new kind of blogging experience - Dating Naked Online. A sure fire way to be controversial, edgy and in the know. A male and female must read a long time in the making. I am a former myspazz BLAHH-GERRR... Aspiring to take my writing to new heights. I guess you can call it the mile high club of writing so to speak. I could lie to you and tell you it's all about romance and fun and the L word, la la, loove... but it's not. It has elements of all of the above, but in the middle, the stuff most people leave out will be explored for your reading horror. There will be elements of my reality, past and present. I call it my reality column... a recurring narrative you can follow week by week. Dating Naked is the name... Dating in all its forms, is the topic. Naked in how I strip it all down to its raw naked form for your reading pleasure. I promise, you will read nothing like it. Subscribe now.

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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Stripping Down Dating Sites


Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Dating Sites


I can’t figure out if dating in my thirties is bad, or dating in Pennsylvania just blows or if it’s the shitty attitude everyone seems to have about dating.

But for sure, dating sites are sucking the life out of serious-minded women all over. For sure, dating sites have women becoming borderline bi-polar, because they can't seem to tell the good from the bad. I may not be an expert, but I can strip it down, just enough too give you a better understanding of what's out there, and why it's going so badly.

First, it's not just you ladies, it’s men too. All those self-promoting nice guys who are pissed that you all say you want nice guys, yet they can't get a reply or a minute of your time. Deep down, all these self-absorbed men, who know they have better jobs have less of a chance to ever have a better offer on the table, meaning they won't cheat. Knowing that the only thing they have going for them, is this whole nice guy thing, yet they are left with unread, deleted emails. All because your headline on your dating profile read,

"Are there any good ones left?"

See, in that...I don't assume I am, "one of the good ones." I am someone's good one, just not everyone I date. To many, I am a huge disappointment in one form or another. Either I didn't deem you relationship material, or did I fit into your plans. The biggest complaint women have of men and dating sites, is that they are all faking their intentions...and just trolling for pussy. Now that is very true. It's also the most obvious statement ever made...you mean, men are thinking with their dick, really? Who would have thunk it!!

Reality ladies, all men have that thought, even the self-promoting, self-absorbed nice guy's, want to get laid.

But, not every guy who started out promising and didn't work out was player playing a game on you. Sometimes, it's just not there. Sometimes, it takes trial and error, to find out it was a short term, time share situation. And yes, if after sex...men still don't feel a connection, they move on, sometimes without much conversation at all. Because honestly, who wants to rip you apart and make you feel bad. Sometimes, saying nothing or very little, works best...and who are you kidding, it’s women who invented that. As much as that offends you, it's no different than that guy you were talking to, who you declared no more than just a friend. You think he liked that?

So you are wrong, not every guy who didn't work out, was not looking for serious. He just didn't see you as his serious. You win some, you lose some, but you move on. I can't say that my ultimate goal has been accomplished either, so if that's failure, I am failing miserably too, right along with you. Whatever the case may be, my love life is lacking the love, filled with lots of the lust. Bringing me to the biggest complaint most women have of men on dating sites.

"Tired of the games, tired of the bar scene...and most of all, done with the drama." I swear, you all have the same things to say.

At one time, Dating sites were new and viable ways to meet new people. It gave us more variety, more options so that we can better screen out dates. We could talk to multiple people at once, and weed out the ones who we would just end up wasting their time. Then, like everything else...it caught on.

Bar scene drop outs: So you thought by not going to the bar that your level of finding Mr. Serious, Mr. Right would greatly increase? I know, your friend told you some story how she found her new fiancé on match, and how happy she is, so you thought you could drink her Kool-aid...and sign up and find your man?Problem with that is, you're not her friend, and you signed up for the new freebie site. I mean why pay for it when you can just sign up for the free one. The thing with that is, so did all those guys from the bar you got tired of meeting. Most dating sites are overrun by pussy-trolling, booty-call looking guys. They probably out number more serious minded guys by ten to one.

So if you are tired of the bar scene, why are you on the new biggest singles bar in your neck of the woods?

Game on: Games, just saying you are tired of them, makes me think you have too much baggage and kind of invite the games. Let me be frank, when a douch-ie bag reads that, the first thing they see is their next victim. The next girl who is either too stupid, or too naive to see his game coming. You invite it; by showing you have a bad history of it. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and I'm a moron, assume the pos-ish, because you deserve taking it in the ass. Jerk-offs are going to contact you, it doesn't matter how bitchy you sound...you are inviting it by daring the next one. Just learn from your mistakes, shut your mouth, and troll for a husband. Besides that...it's a turn off.

Drama-Lama: It's so funny; it’s always the people who cry out they hate the drama that always seem to have it in their lives. Yet they never seem to understand why. You fucking trolls who date married men...who have wife drama, who have girlfriend drama, who have stalkers...it’s not them, it’s you! It's almost the same thing as those people who hate the games. You don't hate the drama, you love it. You only hate it, when it gets out of control. You are the same mindless cum-dumpsters who need that attention...because that attention is all you have going for you. Just last week, and I won't name names. I had some guy contact me, who also tried friend requesting me just so that he could ask questions about a girl he was slamming at one time.

I knew what it was right away, and contacted my female friend. Turns out he is some married dude that she was a panty dropper for. And he wanted to know what my involvement was with her. That right there, drama...because you allow it and I don't. It's hideous, it's boring...it’s time consuming backwards bullshit. We as potential men in your life can't have anything to do with that. And who's going to take you seriously. If you have to say it out loud, maybe you need to change yourself before the change begins in the men you are going to potentially date.

As a guy, reading profiles, those are the ones I try to avoid. Angry, victimized sociopaths who are probably just as much of the player, as the guys she is claiming to avoid.
If you want to pick out the bad from the good, then stop reading all the emails men send you. Seriously, and do your own search. Contact the guys who interest you. By what they have to say in their profile, what they do... and what they are looking for. But most of all, you know they had no bad intentions, because it was you who found them. You are not just one of the hundred emails guys spam to women a day. Auhh, you didn't know that?

That's the secret men will never admit. Guys don't contact one person at a time. They write out a message, a message that seems to get replies...and copy and paste it to the best looking women in their area, and surrounding areas. Out of the one hundred emails, they are lucky if they get ten replies. But that's nine or ten more than they would have gotten if they just sent out one, to that one girl who they really put time into reading. Now, if you want to read a few emails from someone who is interesting to you, who fits what you think you are looking for, go ahead. But understand, you are just one of many he is waiting to hear back from. I am sure women do the same, or close to it.

Gold diggers, attention whores...boy toy seekers, who only contact the shirtless meatheads who have jersey shore haircuts. There is a girl on my page, who talks to as many guys as she can on her dating site and adds them to her Facebook...and she has like four thousand friends. She is an attention whore...Why? Because the more men she has, the better she feels about herself. It's not to be taken seriously...you might bump uglies with her, but she is not to be taken seriously. It’s all a game and we are all players in it. We are playing the field. Both men and women.

In closing, stay away from the newly divorced males and females. Although they are different creatures, they both share one common thing: they are not looking to jump right back into serious. Women might say they are, but take it from me, they are not. The first sign of anything commitment like, and they are out the door, and on their divorce papers, like it’s a magic carpet ride.

You have to remember, these are people who may have been married for ten or more years. Dating sites, and Facebook...and options, are all new to them. They will explore it all, before they commit again. If you are okay with that and know that they will not be closing out their profiles, while dating you, then enjoy. But I met a girl, who told me about her situation with a divorced guy...and she couldn't figure it out. He was introducing her to his kids, taking her out on his boat down the shore, and spending all kinds of money on her. Enough for her to close out her profile, and pay attention to just him, only he didn't. He was still testing the market...when she asked me about it. I asked her two questions...How long has he been divorced and how long was he married. She said he has been divorced for a year, and was married sixteen years.

And there's your answer, 16 years ago, there weren’t dating sites like we have today. He has money, and he has options, and options he will explore before he takes the dive down commitment lane. As long as girls are emailing him, he will explore it. Remember, it’s a dating site, not a relationship site. There is a difference. Some people want to date, and other's date for a commitment. Make sure you ask the prerequisite questions that are important to you...and remember, it’s not a guarantee, just a tool, full of tools.

Basil
Dating Naked

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

You Get What You Paid For


"Write about guys cheating on their other half. Instead of just breaking it off, why do they stay & continue to cheat? I'm blessed with the gift of always finding out, but too many of my friends have been through it. So tell me, oh wise one! What's the deal?"
Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Cheating
Let's not pretend, you didn't know that already.

Let's say we lived in a perfect world, and we don't. But let's say we did...there would be no cheating, no lying. No secrets and most of all, no mistakes. But we don't live in that world. Not only that, it's not men that cheat, genders don't cheat, people cheat and for different reasons. I am all for the school of...break up before you cheat. It's one of my rules. But let's stay on that male-hating, male-blaming thing we have going here in this question.

For every guy who is cheating on his other half, there is a female helping with that problem.

Some girl, who wants what you have, doesn't even care that he can do it to her later. She just wants what she wants, and what you have. Women are part of the problem. And don't give me the, "Well, what if the girl didn't know?" They know.

But to answer the question of why, there are a bunch of answers. One answer is of the guy who wants to be selfish, and explore what is happening, but he doesn't want to destroy or hurt you. Another answer is...You have a man, who again, wants to explore his selfish side, but doesn't want to rock the boat and create a fire storm. An angry wife or girlfriend, can create havoc...because we have all heard the saying, a woman scorned; hide the money and knives...lol.

And then there is the most hated. the really selfish guy. The one who before he leaves you, and tells you the truth, he needs to make sure that the girl he is cheating on you with, is going to be there after you. All men have heard the stories of that girl we left our wives for, who didn't want him as much as she did while he was taken. That guy who is like, "But I left my wife and family for you...what do you mean it's over?" The guy who proves my theory, that you are only as good as his options.

Then we move to the part of this blog where I make sense of the title. "You Get What You Paid For"

The part that says, you know what...you knew what you were getting, when you got it. Half of all the girls who get cheated on, knew their man was capable of it. Those girls who love a guy everyone else wanted and still wants, but you love that he chose you. The ego boyfriend.

You other girls also know you have a guy, who has no self-esteem. No real confidence to turn down a hot girl who wants to blow him in the bathroom of the bar he goes to. At some point, when you do you ladies own up to your choices?

Let me be real, I have dated some shady ladies, who I knew were all relationship jumpers. The kind of girls who jump from one relationship, back to an old one... back to you, and forward to the next guy who she deems as her next on her wish list of forever happiness. I have dated the girl who dated up, over me for a guy who made more money. Or the girl who doesn't know what she wants. The thing is, I didn't act all shocked..."Oh my god, how did this happen to me? I never saw this coming, fucking bitch!!!"

I knew, and like most of you...had hoped that I could somehow change their nature. You never do, and you take them as the risks that they are, or not at all. Look, we get no guarantee...or do they have one from you? I know you think you gave one...Why, just because you said so....Really? I remember talking to one of my friends, and asked...why did you do it...Why did you cheat on her? He had no idea, and said, I never thought I would and told her that much...I mean, I meant it when I said it.

People change when we meet people who change us. I know that's just not enough for the walking wouned out there. It just has to be that all men suck, they suck at life, they suck at being commited. They suck at sucking. I mean, that's what you all want to hear, right?

Truth is, You are just angry, that you weren't enough for your man to say no. And it hurts, it hurts that he needed something else, in someone else and you want to rip his face off, shit on it..flush it down the toilet, film it..and post it on Youtube, for other angry cheated on women to watch and hoot and holla at. You all need to create a group...Just call it "pissed off."

And for the very few, who really thought they picked an exceptional man, and he wronged you...I am truly sorry. You probably deserved better. But there are other women out there, whose husband cheated, and he lied, and he didn't tell you once it started...or before. But you know what, you deserved it. There are women out there, who treat their men like they are stupid, and like they garbage. Women who nag, and complain, and it didn't matter that they work hard, you are just miserable people. Don't think as a gender, think about it.

You mean to tell me, you don't have a male friend, who you kind of understood why he did what he did, and you support him, because you know her?

People cheat, not men...and not just women. And no one is honest about it. Or is it some conspiracy planned out long ago, and tag, you're it? I mean, it's nothing to be proud of. It happens, but you move on the best you can...one foot in front of the other, and you leave it behind you...and not on to the next guy who just might be genuine when he says, "I don't want to look past you."
Basil
Dating Naked

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Spitting Out the Old Gum




Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Moving on


...and chewing a new piece. Ever eat an old piece of gum for too long, yet you kept chewing that same piece? The flavor was gone. And you have been staring at a new piece in the pack for hours.

Well, when it comes to relationships, it seems as if the gum has lost its flavor, yet we can't seem to spit it out for that new piece. I know what you are thinking...how incredibly shallow is he to compare chewing gum to being in a long term relationship. But really, there is a close paradox between the two. It's a matter of knowing when to let go. Some people do it out of habit. It's just normalcy. But when the taste is gone, it is gone...NO?

I am all about time, and the amount we get in this life. And I will tell ya, it’s a mere blink of the eye and it’s over. Time is a gift, some say...or maybe it’s a curse? It feel's like a tease if you ask me. I want what you all want. Pure joy and happiness. I want high doses of bliss in a bottle of love crack. I want to get strung out on attention. I want be surprised for no reason, just because you wanted to do it for me. Most of all, I want to be looked at the same way you looked at me when we first met. I want stares and smiles, groping and kissing...the kind you need to take a moment and catch your breath. I want the sexy text messages at any given moment of the day. Followed by a horny, go sit down...I’m jumping your face, hello, I'm home greeting.

I want sex on tap...for no other reason than you can't get enough of me.

I want to be inspired every day...I don't want days off, I never want to stop dating, I don't care that we got married and had kids. I want flavor that doesn't stop giving. And from what I’ve noticed, everyone is chewing stale, old gum that stopped giving long ago; only you can't spit it out.

I guess I am the anti- Dr. Phil...the guy that says, “You know what? You had your chance...NEXT!!!”

Don't get me wrong, I believe everyone deserves a chance to get it right...to be heard. And maybe, just maybe, you share the blame in the failure of your relationship. Maybe instead of saying nothing, you should have spoken up sooner and actually put meaning behind what you felt in the first place. I know I am the first to spit out old gum, even before the taste is gone. Lie to me, and I am unforgiving. I guess I come from that school, where you better back up what you believe, or be ready to be walked on.

Let’s be real, relationships aren't what they use to be...or what we were told. And really, who knows what they use to be. I mean, if our grandparents met today, they might very well be divorced. You can't say one way or the other. But for me...what people call hard work, I call being lazy. When did something that used to be so easy for us, become hard work?

No, it's not hard work; you just stopped feeling it...you, or maybe both. I am sorry, but I can't buy into that thought, that relationships are work. But in the beginning, dating wasn't work...wanting to impress someone, that wasn't work. Getting a blow job, in the car one late drunk night...that wasn't work. Getting her preggers, that wasn't work...hell, when you didn't think about it, it was kind of easy, when you want something, it’s all easy. I know some Mom is saying, raising a kid, that’s hard work. But you know what? Shut up...if you are both working together, it’s not hard work; it's a pleasure, a gift.

You know why it’s hard? It's because you really don't want to anymore, at least with that person. And either out of guilt, or obligation, or both, you have to do this tedious act, when you rather do something else. I have an Aunt, who last year said, who says you always have to be happy? And I love her, I really do...but I felt kind of sad for her. And she is a God-loving woman, but you have to wonder if she just gave up at some point, and has accepted her fate in life’s choices.

If you are reading this, and don't like what you are reading...and starting to believe I am just some commitment-phobe, well, you would be wrong. I want more than any one you will ever meet...to have happily ever after. In saying that, I won't make it up as I go, if I made a mistake and the gum/relationship, has lost its flavor, then it’s time to spit it out, and chew a new piece. Because in my heart of hearts, I believe that we can always fix the now. But we can't go back, and say...coulda-shoulda-woulda.

In closing, life is short...so much so, it should be a crime. We only get one shot at this thing we call life. And if we don't put importance on it, then who will? How many of you have a friend who put effort into their marriage or relationship, only to be left holding the bag once they found someone else who is that new piece of gum? Maybe, you are that friend.

It's that, "beating a dead horse to death" analogy...only some of you are not just beating the horse, you are shocking it, giving it mouth to mouth, grabbing its balls and pulling...cherry picking the poor fucking dead horse. But it's dead. And so is your relationship. Dude cheated, he has ignored your cries for help...he has verbally abused you,he doesn't help out. Is that what you signed up for? If your relationship is starting to taste like old gum, maybe it’s time to let it go.

Basil
Dating Naked

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Dating Down, What's YOUR Worth?



Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Self worth

When did we start dumbing it down for companionship?

I guess it's a legacy left to us by our parents, who got together just to spite their parents. We all talk about what we won't put up with, what we won't do and who we will allow into our lives. Yet, almost to the script, we all settle for less than what we started out wanting. But how and why?

How and why starts off when we lose sight of our own self worth...when we devalue what's always been important to us. Core things that should never ever be compromised. We all have them...although different with each individual; we all have deal breakers that make us who we are. I have my own set of deal breakers...that absolutely cannot, will not ever be compromised. Those things make me who I am, and will shape me into who I will be down the line. Does that make me perfect...hell no. I am far from perfect and far from being check marked. But there comes a time, when you move on from that past, and grow into that person we set out to be.

With the tender age of thirty-five staring me down. I have realized my own self worth...and my past has little or no bearing on what I want in a partner.

With that, comes growth...and growth takes discipline. Something I have never been great at, and most people who know me, will agree and are probably nodding their head as they read this. Girls have always been my weakness...in many ways, my life's work.

In that, I deserve the best person who fits who I am today, and where I am going tomorrow. A person with her own set of values...just as important to her, as mine are for me. Your past also has little or no bearing on my choice of you. It's where you are today and where..."You" want to be tomorrow, that means everything. In saying that...if you are still dumbing it down today...as you were even a few years ago...then you offer me nothing in the way of a future. If time has taken it's toll, and you have no belief in a future of your own. So much so, you make bad choices now, then I can't help but look past you.

If you are dating, and falling for married men, if you are still sleeping with an ex, or if you are bedding random men who offer you nothing but that night; then what do you expect a guy to do...or see? If that's where you are and don't want a relationship...hey, more power to you. Nothing's wrong with being single and loving it. The problem is, it becomes who you are. Who you are, is what you are presenting to each person you meet.

I know what you are thinking...Don't judge me. But I'm not; I am just taking accountability for my life...wants, goals and values. Because if I don't, who will?

Our teenage years...well, they were fun. Our twenties... are all about learning that we don't know everything we thought we knew...and where we learn from those mistakes. But once we hit thirty, if we still haven't figured it out, then when will we?

If you say...I want a relationship, and not a bedroom partner...because you don't do that, and you are bedding the same guy, who has offered you nothing in the way of a relationship...then you are not reflecting your values. You have in turn, devalued them...only devaluing yourself to someone who just might be that potential life partner. If you are dating bottom feeders, and are a single mom dating a guy who has a prison record, you are dating down. If you are dating a junky, because you are tired of being alone, you are dumbing it down. If you are dating the same bar slobs who are divorced and only interested when they are drunk and stupid…what message are you sending other men?

You are quickly removed from being, potential...and become the pass-the-time girl. A time-share. And you only get a little.

That might be unfair...Just like it's unfair that some people who read my past, judge me on that today. But in that, at least I know that they take their time, their life seriously. I once heard a bunch of people talking about how we all like to date a little crazy. All I could think to myself to say was, "You wonder why you are all unhappy later." But what also dawned on me is, some of these same people who like a little crazy, are a little crazy.


Let's be real, the jealous date the jealous types. People who love drama surround themselves in drama. People who need to fight can't date someone timid. They need a running partner who can spark the most insane outburst. If you are constantly breaking up or all relationships ending the same, then it shows you put little or no time into learning from the past...why? Because you hold no value in your time, or to your heart; making you hard...inside and out.

But then you have the people who want better, who want calm, who are in the most insane relationships going, who ask themselves why they can't find someone normal. Well, why did you let the stupid fuck into your life in the first place? "When did you start dumbing it down?"

If you are a woman, who wants normal...who wants a family and to settle down, then why in the hell do you let repeat serial cheaters stay in your life? Where is the worth in that? Where is the value you are supposed to have on yourself? And honestly, why would anyone give you value and treat you with respect, if you let it slide?

All of us have a basic idea of the person we want to be with. When do we own that...when do with put value on our belief in happy?

In closing...What's my worth? What do I deserve and why? Well, I deserve honesty, with me and with her. I deserve a woman who wouldn't compromise the integrity of our relationship with a lie, because if I am the end all to be all...of a man you couldn't look past. Then you shouldn't have to lie.

I deserve the ultimate role model for our future children. A person who wouldn't do anything she wouldn't want her children to do. And who lives by that code. Who understands we had that single selfish time, and now, it's about them...it’s about family. A person who would lie down, and die for her kids...if that was needed. Just like me. But who wouldn't lie down, and die...a fighter.

I deserve everything and more, which I put in...I deserve a relationship-ready girl, who is over it...and wants what I want. Who doesn't let the bullshit that life throws at us, rattle her belief...her desire for something more...something amazing. You are what you surround yourself with. Other than that, excuses are all bullshit. The only excuse is, you just stop caring. We all have to sleep in the bed that we made. That’s my worth, what's yours?

Basil
Dating Naked

Thursday, September 30, 2010

We're Only As Good as Their Options?

Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Relationship/Options

Life is short, and relationships can be short-lived if you begin to take it for granted. Relationships all have expiration dates...At least in this day and age, people have short memories.

What have you done for me lately, isn't that the expression? I like to say, "We're Only As Good as Their Options." It's mean, but it's honest. I mean, that's what we all say we want, right? I wonder how true that really is.

Today, we learn about the failure of relationship values. Let's face it, half of you, never had any to begin with. Another 25% only think they have it, and the other 25% have it for only so long, until the next best thing comes along. I am convinced that's what it is. We all have short memories, and that's okay. It's okay to expect what it is you fell in love with in the first place. It's okay to feel you are being short-changed. It's okay to wish you had a sex life. It’s okay to expect conversation. In saying that, have you ever wondered how it got to the point of living without all of that?

It's easy to figure out why people need options. It’s easier to throw something away, than it is to put it back together; to fix it.

It's easier to fall in love with someone else that reminds you of what you once had. It’s easier to laugh with someone else, than it is to fight with you. It’s easier to have an affair, than it is to ask why we aren’t having sex. Relationships reach a stalemate period. When that happens, both parties weigh their options. Sometimes those options are being researched while still in the relationship. While you are ignoring the problem there is a person trying on your shoes, your clothing, your bed, in turn...your relationship, fits like a glove.

A while back, during the MySpace day's...I blogged about a girl who was having an affair with a guy who was engaged to another woman. There were some very strong comments and opinions about both parties. He was the perfect example of someone who was weighing his options, while having a safe option at home. The fiancé was lacking in the bedroom, so he had someone he can probably get to do anything. Someone who will bed and drop at need; a panty-dropper who is using her vagina to lure your man away from you.

It's a dog eat dog world, everyone is out for what they can get.

If you are wondering, why does he not just be with the girl on the side, let the bedroom disaster go? The girl on the side is lacking too, the only thing she has going for her is that he knows she will bark, and fetch for his pleasure. While she is great to pass the time with, she is not relationship material. If she were, he would break off the engagement, and make her it!!

He will continue to shop around and weigh his options until something comes along that he can't pass up. Until then, he will string along both girls while he is probably testing the market for something better.

If you are in a relationship, and entertaining other offers, you are guilty of doing this very same thing. And without revealing or ratting anyone out; it's happening on social networking sites every single day. MySpace/facebook are the Wal-Mart of options for a lot of us. NO one does unhappy for very long... eventually the laws of average will catch up to you, and if you're not looking...They are.

On the flip side…Grenade Gone Wild. To prove it's about options, I will unveil a story of a grenade who shed her shrapnel...and became datable by options, previously not interested. Now mind you, this girl wasn't fat by any means. I mean, I think she could still look down, and see her vagina...where it's my belief, once you can't look down and see her, you have officially gone, one pound too heavy.

Close your mouths, I said it...it's the same for guys too. Once we can't see over the hill, and see the mushroom cap, it’s time to officially attack the Slimfast shake and start running a mile. Immediately!!!

But getting back to the GGW, this was a person, who wanted a relationship, but couldn't get it...Ohh she could get laid. But no one wanted to stick around and grow old and big with her. Finally one day, she found what she was looking for, a boyfriend...only unlike most girls and guys in a relationship, she didn't put on relationship pounds, she lost some. And that's when guys, previously not interested, started giving her the one true thing she always wanted...Attention.

The more options she had, the less she wanted the guy who looked past her plumpness. Finally, she did what everyone would do in her position. She dumped her boyfriend for quantity, and, not quality...options she never had before. And as much as she preached she wanted a loyal, good -hearted man, who wanted what she wanted...in the end, she just wanted the men who rejected her. Options give us a false sense of security...although she can get guys; she still can't keep them...because today, she is chronically single.

If you always had options, it’s nothing at all to turn it down. But you have to wonder about those who never did, and what would they do, if suddenly they had something so above their norm, that they could turn it away. In some ways, I think we are all a product of settling...because you just never know. And in saying that, what do you think your partner would do, if something previously unattainable, wanted to be with them. Just how confident are you with the person you are in love with? Are you, only as good as their options?

Topic of conversation: Do you agree, or disagree with the end of my blog? Do you think we are all a product of settling?

Do you think we are only as good as their options?

And just how far would you go, to find out. Would you set your partner on a collision course with someone you know they would find attractive, just to see how they would react?

Would YOU, really want to know?

Basil
Dating Naked

Monday, February 1, 2010

To Friend, or to Boyfriend?


Hey Basil - What do you do if your boyfriend hates all your friends, and your friends hate your boyfriend? What do you do in that situation? Feels like a lose/lose situation if you ask me? Thanks, Marissa


Basil - Well, it is a situation, but to me...an easy one to figure out. This is a classic tug-of-war over loyalty. The boyfriend wants to know if it's all about him, or if you are tied to your friend's opinions. And your friends see someone who is different and who wants you to pull away from them. In both cases, they are both selfish in what they are doing. Maybe your friends like the ex, and have hopes you will return to that person. And the boyfriend, knows he is the outsider, and could give a rat's ass, because he knows he can't change their feelings. The question remains, is he really making you happy?

If he is, and you are not ignoring the issue of "sometimes love just blinds you" until something happens and you then see what everyone was talking about the whole time. If that's not the case, then you need to have a sit down with the friends. And ask them to be fair, and let you and your relationship grow, without the tug of war or guilt of being with him. On the flip side, maybe if the boyfriend cared, he would make an effort to show them that he is the right person for you. They don't have to love each other, just co-exist. And maybe, just maybe...mutual respect will evolve.


I trust all my friends' judgment because they know me better than anyone. Above all though, it's my decision. A decision I will have to live with, and whether or not it's the wrong one, better make the wrong decision yourself, than to look back knowing someone else made the wrong one for you. That's what being an adult is about. If it's your really good friend that knows you and he or she has a legitimate reason for not liking him, you should question that and really look into it. But that's it. They are there to advise you, not make choices for you. A "REAL" friend, will know that.

The NAKED truth
Basil, Dating Naked

Friday, January 15, 2010

The NAKED Truth...He Wants Space


Dear Basil, what does it mean when he says he wants space after six years of being together and having a child? Signed anonymous.

Dear Anonymous...would love to tell you he is just going through stuff, and he needs space to work it all out. But I would only be doing that to soften the blow that he is probably talking to someone else who has his attention. And that maybe, you sense this, and might be hovering over his every move. So by asking for space, he gets to explore it. Leaving you as the fall-back option. My question to you is, has he ever cheated on you? Do you break up a lot?

She replied that they always fought, and that he left her for another woman about a year ago for about three months.

My question in return was, why did she take him back after that, and why does she not know what "I need space means?" It's pretty obvious that he has his eyes open for new options. That he has little respect for her, and that she does not value herself like she should. Why would anyone take being the fall-back option if you had any value of one's self?

The answer is simple, she is afraid to have to start all over, as a single Mom, and that she has little or no self worth. I don't mean that as an insult as much as I am meaning to slap some sense into her. Beyond him being the father of her child, he offers her nothing tangible. Just a warm body she is used to having around so that she doesn't have to be alone. I think it's honorable for parents of children to work things out, but when is enough, really enough?

She went on to ask, so would I look stupid if I moved on?

I replied, I think you would look stupid if you didn't. Kind of desperate he would settle on you, or things wouldn't work out...and you would be the fall-back girl. Who wants that? I mean really, chances are, he is probably a tool...and the girl he is talking to will see that, unless she is a walking cum dumpster with no intelligence whatsoever. Even if by some odd chance, there isn't another girl, I think it's an insult that after you took him back, he has the ball sack to ask you for space. If by some chance, that was me...she would have just signed her walking papers. "You want space, I got space for ya!!!"

My advice, give it to him. Only that space should be forever. Because believe me when I tell you, this ship has sailed, and you are holding on to the past, and not the current situation. Maybe he is doing nothing wrong, but maybe it's you. Maybe you are suffocating the life from him and the relationship; he needs to get away from you. Who wants to have a relationship, where all you do is fight? Maybe, you are not the girl you once were. Maybe you suffocate him because you know this, and you are trying to stifle him from meeting anyone else and leaving you like he did before. Maybe, just maybe...you outgrew each other. Maybe he needs you to set him free, if you love someone, you might just have to love him enough to set him free if that's what he wants and needs. At this point, he would only being staying because he feels badly, or he doesn't think he could do better. Would you really want him after knowing that? If so, what does that say about you?

In closing, there are three sides to every story, Your side, his side and the truth. That's why I needed to place some blame on you. Somewhere in the middle of it all, lies the truth. The glaring thing that came out of this, is he left you before. The best revenge in this situation is this, work on yourself. Prove to him, and to yourself, that you can do it without him. That you, were the better option he can't have back. The only thing that matters at this point is how you two act for the kid. To move on without trying to destroy one another. If only for the kid you two made when you were in love, or in lust.

What's Space ?

Are the sexes so different, that we have different meanings for the infamous request “I need some space”?

Many times the woman’s definition of "I need space" is different from the man’s definition of this request. So it's not rocket science to figure out why women are confused when a guy puts that out there. When women are in committed relationships, very seldom are they looking for space, anything but.

Now that is not to say that you don’t have your women players out there looking to have a good time, while trying to hold down a relationship on the sneak.

For the most part, women don't ever want to give their man too much time to think of a reason why he shouldn't be committed to her. So if your woman was to tell you that she needs her space, what is it she is asking for exactly? I think it's a safe bet to say, she is weighing her options. Space can mean that she needs time to think about what she’s doing with a guy like you and whether or not the relationship is worth her time. Maybe you were the timeshare during a lonely period of her life.

I need space can simply mean...get out of my face and out from up my ass, meaning you might be a little too attached for her liking.

Needing space sometimes means that she needs time to be away from the stress of the relationship and just needs some “her” time. That's what they would tell you. 'Me' time means, I want to be single, but I am not sure. I need space so that I can figure that out, all while leaving you twisting in the wind.

Last but not least, I need space can mean that she is trying to get your attention by scaring you into thinking that she might not want to be with you. Using the threat to get more out of you than you were giving before. Maybe the relationship has gone on long enough, and now she needs to know she is in it for the long haul. The threat of space, might just get the ring she was looking for, or, the answer she has been going over in her mind. Will he ask me at all, or will I be that long term girlfriend who never got it, while the next bitch gets my ring?

I need space can basically mean a whole lot nothing at all, or a whole lot of insecurity.

On the flip side, men don't ask for space unless, A...There is an option they are interested in. B... You are so far up his ass, you know what he had for a snack earlier that day. C... He is ready to put an end to what has been a debate going on in his head for awhile. You see, men don't need the threat of space to get more out of you, because getting more out of you has never been a problem. Men don't have to wait for the ring. So we don't have that issue. And space, just means go find a hobby, I love being with you, but not every fucking second of the day. Any way you spell it out, space, is never a good thing.

NAKED!!!
Basil