Don't ASK, Don't TELL

Dating Naked
Guest Writer: Felicia.
Topic: The Open Relationship

Awe, the open relationship. I prefer to call it the "don't ask, don't tell" policy... call it what you will... it all boils down to the same thing.

I, like most, have spent plenty of time kissing frogs. I've gone from nerdy, straight-laced book worm types to bad-ass, shit-talking, good-for-nothing-but sex guys. And probably some of their girlfriends as well. So after several years of playing trial and error, this was the perfect alternative for me.

I happen to be a person that is very easily bored. Now I'm not saying that one day I think you're great and the next I don't. All I'm saying is that today you entertain me...tomorrow? Umm, maybe not so much. On top of that, I'm very easily distracted. The combination of the two can often be a little much for some people to handle.

Basil says I have a hard core case of relationship ADD. He thinks if I were medicated that things would be different.

Truth is, he's just saying that because he wants to try and take advantage. Yeah, I called you out...love you back, brat. In my life, I've been referred to as a many number of things. Some say I am a bitch. Others say I'm cold-blooded. I've heard insensitive, selfish, self-absorbed, self-centered; all of which may very well be true. Hell, who am I kidding... I'd be lying if I said otherwise. The only thing I can say to justify my actions, is what you see is what you get. I put my thoughts out there, and you can take it for what it is. There are no secrets. No hidden agendas. Never been the girl with the ulterior motive.

To be honest, I tend to hear these statements after I'm done and on to the next one. It's usually the 11th message, and they're still not over it. Ok, maybe it IS a little my fault. Sometimes I'm not so hot in the call back department. But I gotta tell ya, I got the point after they've left the 5th. Usually, by that point, there isn't much to be said to change my mind. Guess you can add stubborn to my list of attractive qualities as well. In any case, name calling isn't going to get it done for them. If anything, it's just another thing to bring laughter to my day. And yes, I do laugh often.

Going to throw this out there, in case you're a sensitive person. Probably not the right thing for you to get into. Some people resort to crazy things in regards to matters of their bruised egos. So don't be surprised how quickly people change.

Luckily for me, I am all of these things and probably more, so it doesn't affect me in the least.

The only downfall with the open relationship is that some people go into it thinking that this is what they really want. Or do they? Often I feel these people think they can change you. They put their best face forward and introduce you to the person they think you want them to be. Something like an interview. Always love it when you wake up one day and the representative is gone...leaving you to deal with the real monster they've become...or tried to disguise, I should say.

It's always funny to me, because I make it pretty clear what I want from the jump. This is what it is, and this is what it's not. Although they may get that awkward look as if they are temporarily stunned, it's always better to leave little room for confusion. You'd be surprised how many people look smarter than they really are.

So naturally you come across the few people who think they're super slick. They think they can tell you what you want to hear. They think that since you don't constantly reiterate what they already know, that maybe your feelings have changed? Then, once they think they're in there, they totally flip the script. As if you were faking the funk, just as they were. Again, umm, not really. That's usually the moment when you're staring at my ass...bolting for the door.

Honestly, the open relationship can be such a beautiful thing if both people know where they are in life, as well as where they are going. It really works if you can welcome it with open arms and open eyes.

See it for what it is and leave well enough alone.

It's very similar to a relationship in that you get all the perks. You go out, you have fun. You have a companion to share all the things you enjoy in life, as well as someone who knows your likes and dislikes.

Only difference is, is that anything goes. It's perfectly acceptable to go out and flirt with someone else. Hell, you can even take that person home. It allows you to give in to all your sluttastic urges while keeping a safety net around in the event that you're unable to hook up with anyone hotter.

Some have yet to realize the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. When you're younger, you don't know anything other than the path you're lead to believe is right. After a while, you see that everything is not always what you're told. Sometimes you need to form your own opinion instead of believing everything you hear. You find there's a difference in company and security. There's a difference in loving and leaning. Kisses and promises...not the same thing.

An open relationship means you don't have any rights over that other party. It takes a person that understands that love doesn't mean possession. Ideally they will be fully honest with each other (unlike most typical relationships). They don't get pissed at each other over minuscule things. In fact they will just like each other for who they are and support each other through times of need. There is no responsibility, hence there is nothing to fight about. Similar too, but not the same as polygamy. Just in having the ability to have more than one sexual/loving relationship at a time. Everyone has full knowledge and consent of the actions of the other person involved.

It seems to me as though we're always governed by love, when if anything, we should be subservient to desire. I am a person that knows what she wants...and usually gets just that. And I gotta tell ya, I'm one happy bitch. I don't know how many people are in situations that they are not happy with, but stuck in this comfort zone they have created. Yes, you have what you thought you once wanted...but do you still want it now? Are you sure?

Personally, I believe that half of us are immersed in sin. And what is a sin really? I know you guys know...that's why you read this smut. So just in case you DON'T know, a sin is a deliberate violation of any sort of moral or religious rule/law. Now I'm not a religious person...or always moral for that matter...but I'm guessing that my way of living, isn't the ideal way society would like to see a girl in her 20's, like myself.

Hey – ya know what? To each his own. Maybe more people should be real to their feelings and act it. Whether it be this or something else, everyone always has an opinion. Funny, because I don't recall asking for it, right?

All joking aside...Mahatma Gandhi once said, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."

Take it for what it's worth...Felicia, Naked for a day.

Tomorrow, the male side of this topic. My rebuttal.

Oral Sex...She'd Rather Not?

Is giving head, dead. Do they still make this time machine...and how do we turn them from time machine, to a Hoover vac, for our pleasure?

A few years ago, one of my writers wrote a blog called "Oral Fixation" that opened up the door to the topic like never before. While there are certainly women who love giving it, it also opened the debate to women who don't. It doesn't matter what new positions you and your lover find during sex, with some women...the idea of oral sex is nauseating. I myself have had the “No thanks!” run-in a few times. It leaves you looking down at your junk, thinking...what did it ever do to you?

I have even had one girl tell me she would lick it, but wouldn't put it in her mouth. I thought to myself, lick it? What is it, a charms blow pop...baby, there is no gum. She said, "I don't want it in my mouth, or anyone's for that matter, don't take it personally." I replied, “I have to, I think my penis is going to need therapy after this.”

Talk about rejected; so I let her do her version of a blowjob, while it wasn't the worst of things, it left me yearning for the full mouthy.

One of the many reasons women are turned off by the idea of giving a blow job, comes from a taught belief that oral sex is impure, dirty and even disgusting, spawned by religious-minded parents. Others come from really bad experiences with previous partners who criticized their performance. After reading a comment on the blog "Oral Fixation" by a reader named Danielle...I thought about other reasons women detest the idea of oral sex...And I totally feel for them.

This is just some of what she said: "I am not the biggest fan of blow jobs. It’s not that I hate them...I am " boycotting". First of all, I really have probably the worst gag reflex in the world!! I gag brushing my teeth for God sakes. I am down to do it when it’s clean. I would not expect my husband to go down on me after sweating all day, so why should he expect me to? Secondly, a trim is only a cleanup if it actually makes a difference...I wouldn't expect my husband to find his way through a bush...and I make the adjustments ;) "

I sympathize, I do, a gag reflex is a gag reflex...But the trimming part. Hey...a little manscaping is very important in this day and age. Guys have slowly gotten past the idea, that yes...men can trim and shape too. So what, they call you "metro-sexual." GET OVER IT! It looks good, it’s clean. It even gives you the illusion of more shaft. Yes, it was always there, but at first glance, a few of those inches were covered by a giant man bush.

You wanted inches? You got inches...Just trim a foot off the edges and voila...it's a penis makeover.

But, one of the main reasons women aren't too excited about giving men oral pleasure is because they feel that they don't have the skills to properly please their man. I have heard more women, be kind of intimidated by my sexual past...feeling they wouldn't be as good as others might have been. So, they don't do it at all.

Also, I was talking to a past writer not too long ago about the complex women have about blowjobs. It is the belief that men take longer to reach their climax through oral sex as compared to sexual intercourse. For this reason, some women take offense and feel that if they cannot properly please their man, they would prefer not to do it at all.

1: We all have a past, and while some of our sexual experiences were better than others, that should never make one not want to do something, don't matter what it is. In all honesty, it should make you work that much harder, to be that much better. I know I would. I can't expect to start out being the best she’s ever had, but I, for damn sure, will learn how to be.

2: Yes, for some strange reason, entering a woman makes you want to orgasm, right there and then. I never really understood that. Maybe it’s because we are not doing any of the work...maybe it’s just a small difference in sensation. It for sure doesn't mean you are doing it wrong...if you want the truth, when you are getting bad head, we want it over with, even before we reach climax. If we are taking longer, it’s probably because it feels amazing, and we don't want it to stop.

Danielle also stated in that comment, that she hated the taste of sperm. And, really, as a guy, I don't blame her...more times than not, after watching a girl take a mouthful, I often wondered how the hell she did that with out hurling on my lap. I really do sympathize. But women have tricks where they don’t even taste it, when it goes down with one swallow...my heroes! But in talking taste, let’s not forget that women don't taste like cherry Kool-Aid...yet, I would never use that excuse. You women have far more going on down there than any guy at any time. The truth is, I get lost in the giving so much so, I never think about it.

3: Blowjobs should never be used as a reward once a month. To go along with Danielle's comment, there was also a reader who admitted that she also didn't like it, but did it for her husband once a month, as a treat for being good.

A TREAT, WTF is that? Maybe he deserves being treated like a child. But whatever happened to spontaneity in the relationship? Where is the foreplay, and the idea that anything, can and will happen? So what happens if he had his “once a month” treat the night before, and you are fooling around the next day, does that mean his penis is off limits to your mouth? To me, that is what's wrong with marriage...things change. People don't make out, sex is a chore because it’s your duty to please your man, and not that you can't help but want to please him, and be pleasured back. This is why men wander off, because they want that raw, unexpected in-the-moment rush that comes when the lust gets the better of you.

If she were my wife, she would get one conversation, about how that makes me feel. If it went ignored, or overlooked or if it turned into a fight, divorce papers would be next, on the grounds of false advertisement. I want what we had when we first got together. No exceptions. And if that was what he married, and she was always like that...you get what you paid for. Never take less than what you are worth.

So, a little recap, what did we learn here?

Smooth Landing: Give a her a smooth landing to land on...Shave that brillo pad. If she wanted to swallow some, she would run in the kitchen and get a fresh one out from under the sink. It’s almost 2010, The Sasquatch look went out with The Seventies, with polyester shirts, and bell-bottoms. Remember, manscape...if you expect them to, you better keep up in the right areas.

Be Sensitive: Women are not the only ones who should speak up in the bedroom, but for Christ sakes guys...ease up! You sound like a father scolding his kid. Lighten up and remember she might not understand the male penis like we don’t know their genitalia. Take your time and explain that some of what she heard through "Rumors" about men loving teeth is not always true with you. I myself cannot stand teeth chewing on my mini-me. But ladies, close your eyes and imagine your guy wrapping his teeth around one of your lips, and scraping them across it...yeah, OUCH!

Oral foreplay: You don't always have to jump right into the act. Oral foreplay can make going down on your guy even more enjoyable than you can imagine. Use flavored lubes, or honey...whatever you like. It can open some serious doors into some wild nights.

She Cums First: Never underestimate the power of a mind-blowing orgasm, especially the feeling of your lips against her clit. This is a first kiss that will literally take her breath away, and open that door that is her mouth to your penis. Make her cum hard. She will be more than willing to help you out.

So, I know this is a subject that some of you are not willing to talk about in public...You never know who else is reading, or you are just shy. But for those who will, leave some comments.

What do you think about the married woman who only performs once a month as a treat?

Does oral sex turn you off, and why? Is giving head, dead?

Basil...Dating Naked.

Naked Tips...Getting the Most out of Being Single

And doing single well...because let’s be frank, most of you don't do it well at all.

Watching men and women being single these days is painful to watch. I think it’s even painful for them to go through it. But that's where I become confused. Being single gets a bad rap in my opinion; I mean, it allows you to open new doors, try new things. Maybe it’s just me, but I am a curious person, I like opening new doors...and love trying new things. To me, there is nothing more exciting than the unknown. Being single offers us a world of opportunity. You just have to know where to find it.

I have read articles from Men's Health to Forbes magazine discussing the five best cities to meet men and women. First of all, you can meet people in any city, any place around the world. There is no such thing as one city being better than another. Now if you are living in a city of 3000 people, your chances of meeting someone drastically changes...kind of common sense. Small town America is famous for high school sweethearts, but that's also because there are less fish in the pond. Dating sites are all the rage. And while they are viable, they have flaws.

1: They will never accurately tell you anything. Does anyone list his or her flaws? Do those sites even ask people that? Do they ask you if you have ever cheated on someone, and if they did, would you admit it? Does anyone put down the questions like...”Are you a good conversationalist?” Eight out of ten times, you are viewing the representative, what they think they are, or wish they were.

What they are good for is...they allow you to pick who was the hottest; because if you pass the eye candy test, it really doesn't matter what your profile says...someone will give you a chance.

If you are single, it won't hurt to sign up for one, not two or three, of those sites like eHarmony, or Match. They are the reputable sites. I will say, avoid anything free...because that's where you will find the bottom feeders mixed in with the good ones. The real douche bags who don't like to pay for anything. They complain that they have to pay for your drinks...pay for dinner. God forbid they had to pay for one of those dating sites. You will find them all over Myspace...number one breeding ground for douche nation. Facebook is another, although it’s not as bad as Myspace. And they are there because it’s booty pickings for smart players. Guys will be any place girls are, that is a fact you need to recognize. The easier, the better…that should be your first rule if you want a serious man or woman. If it is free, beware!

2: To go along with your account on one of the reputable sites, go out and try speed dating. Go out with one if not all of your girlfriends or best Bro-friends. There are so many new ways to meet people these days. Why not make a night of it just for fun. What’s the worst that could happen? Meeting in person allows you to avoid wasting time. With people, there are just some things you can't hide, but you can easily pick up on in person. I always say, especially with girls, they just know. They know if they won't like you, if they will sleep with you...whether or not they will enjoy getting to know you. When they get a bad vibe, baby...pack it up, it’s over.

One of the biggest issues with single women that makes being single miserable is they wait for men to talk to them, rather than approaching the men. It’s the biggest misconception that you come off looking desperate. Most, if not all guys are afraid of rejection, and coming off looking desperate just isn’t appealing. But in the same breath, women are sick of men approaching them with their cheesy unoriginal lines.

So how does one solve that problem, without coming off too desperate?

A: Guys don't care if you approach them; in fact, it makes it easier if you did. But be honest ladies, how many men do you spot in the course a day while out with your friends, but never approach? He had no ring on his finger...and you didn't even say hi? Honestly think about that... how many attractive men do you see every single day, who don't know you are interested in them?

I understand that some of those guys you approach will turn out to be married, gay or just jerks. But, you must believe a few of them might just be someone of interest that will live up to the billing. But you wouldn't know that because you most likely will never see them again. Why, because you didn't woman up and introduce yourself!

B: You have to be willing to date, like go out on an actual date. That means don't give them your Myspace, and don't spend hours talking to them on the phone until after you had at least one good first date. Lunch dates are best...especially if you have a job, or career. Think about that, you could actually have a week of five dates with men getting to know them...and by the end of the week you might have one great weekend date with the one guy that impressed you better than the rest. What's the worst that could happen? They are all duds, and you have a weekend out with the ladies. That just means a new week of phone numbers and new dates. Another perk about the lunch date...if it’s really bad, hey, you have to be back at work in an hour…right? Lol!

My advice: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Your chances of finding the right guy greatly increases the more men you meet, just like anything else in life. You might even meet a few good friends...date quantity, and pick quality.

If you have questions...I have answers. If I don't, I will make it up as I go.

Was It Really That Bad, Or Was it Just Me?

Ok, so the dating scene is not going as smoothly as you thought it was going to be.

The last guy turned out to be a jerk after you had sex with him, and this other guy/girl won't stop calling after one bad date. Now you’re starting to second-guess breaking up with your last relationship. Grass isn't always greener, is it?

I could have told you that, but who asked me. It doesn't always happen as fast as you would like! That's always a fact. Nothing good ever comes easily...or quickly. If it seemed too easy, it probably was. You are not the exception, the exception being the rule. If you were, you wouldn't be thinking about that ex. You see, he wasn't perfect, but he was always there. It’s easy to remember the comfort of the relationship. It’s even easier to forget why we broke up in the first place. The pull to pick up the phone is a drug, and it’s not easy to shake. Sometimes we just want what's familiar.

It’s like a comfort food you have not had in awhile; you just know it’s going to be good...even if it won't help your diet.

It’s even funnier how they know when to call when you are at your most vulnerable point. Like they have some kind of spy in your brain, telling them, "CALL, she is miserable." Weird Jedi mind tricks we play on ourselves.

A sign from above: You were thinking about old times, the best times. Looking at old photos...it must be a sign that he called...Right? Wrong, it’s really not...you are just looking for a sign. Loneliness is a bitch of a feeling. Loneliness is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness. In that emptiness, we reach for things to fill that void. It makes you call a friend, just to see if they are going to tell you what you want to hear. Tell you that yes, what you are thinking is true, Confirmation. The truth of the matter is, he probably has been thinking about you from the point of the break up. Maybe because he misses you, or maybe even because you ended it, and not on "his" terms. Maybe because he has an ego, and didn't like being dumped, and told it’s not going to work. Most of all, he of all people, will know just what to say.

Of course he will, he spent a good chunk of time with you, and knows just what it is you need to hear... It’s not at all that they changed and have figured out what they did wrong the first time. No, it’s that they can manipulate your weakness of being lonely. "You know, kind of how they kept you in that relationship longer than you wanted to be in it in the first place. "Manipulation," is the way most people get what they want, even when it is not really what you wanted.

The ex is guilty of this just as much as a player trying to get in your pants. They, like the player, will say and do whatever it’s going to take to get that end result.

Sex with an Ex...aka comfort sex: Like a comfort food, comfort sex is the familiar touch of someone who put in the time. He may not even be the best sex, but it was that relationship sex you have been missing. The problem is, there is no way a stranger can give you that feeling you desire. Yeah, he might be able to fuck, and fuck well...you might have cum more times in one night with this stranger than you did your whole relationship...but we all know what the truth really is. Most girls will take emotional in-love sex over that great fuck. I know some of you ladies are reading this talking to yourselves saying, "BULLSHIT, I want the fucking and the orgasms!"

But more than not, you want that emotional connection only a relationship can give you. We all know when that guy is inside you, and he is looking so deep into your eyes, you think you can see inside of his heart, and it’s beating just for you. But you are only remembering the beginning, and not the middle and the end.

The beginning is the best part of everything new. If that feeling came in a food, or candy bar, you girls would all be pretty fat, and watching infomercials waiting for that next new gadget sure to knock the pounds right off...right? It doesn't and chocolate will only last so long.

So, you sit there mind-fucking yourself asking: "Was it really that bad, or was it you being selfish?" Maybe it was both...maybe the beginning was like any other great beginning. But he or she couldn't sustain it. But, never lose sight of the things that made you feel neglected, or the selfish habits they couldn't change that made you want to get on a plane and never come back. The relationship came to an end for a reason, and it’s your job to see if it was really them, or maybe it was you.

In the movie The Break Up...It ended with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston running into each other, and everything seemed all clean and fresh. He had learned something, and lost some relationship pounds. And she had traveled and done the things her relationship held her back from doing. It ends with the possibility of something...but doesn't elaborate.

That's us...sometimes you have to leave something and leave it in the past, to have something better than before. You can't EVER go back to something thinking it wasn't really that bad. That's fools gold.

You want the past, you will get the past...and all the bullshit that came with it. Make sure you know that if you do get that pull, that you have moved on from the past, and start all over from go. They have to earn your time, not get it because nothing else better came along. I know the theory is, “I’d rather be unhappy and not alone, than unhappy and alone.” How about we just work on being happy, the rest will follow...NAKED!

Basil...Dating Naked

The Prerequisite for a Relationship

One of my readers once asked me, "What do YOU WANT?"

I was taken back for a second, I never really had anyone ask me before, or did I ever really think about it. I mean, there are the obvious things we think we want. I sat back for a second, and actually thought about what it is I really want. I mean of course down the line I want a relationship and be happy, a family. All the simple answers people give. But it’s not as simple of an answer. It's pretty complicated when you REALLY think about it. And, I am a complicated mystery. So I guess the simple answer just wouldn't work.

My answer was, "I am in the wind." A mafia term for former gangsters who have turned. Gone into the witness protection. They left and are now living "in the wind." Well, that's not what I meant. I took that term...and used it for my own use.

The Basil-pedia term means: I am not looking...but letting her find me.

But I do have the Prerequisites for a Relationship. Very important qualities to even get a foot in the door. But more importantly, do I have the prerequisites myself to be in a relationship? It’s easy to be concerned about what you want, and how you want it...but not too easy to know you want something, yet say, I am not ready myself, what do I...offer them?

How much baggage do I carry around every single day...what's in my attic, what’s in my basement? A lot of you carry around so much weight, it’s almost unfair to bring someone into the mess we never cleaned up, but swept under the rug so that it looked good to the blind eye. We are all guilty of this, including me.

"Problems, what problems?"

I know I expect someone else to do it for me, so it’s important we do it for him or her. To work out that stuff, come in knowing what it is they want, and make sure I am all those things and more. The one thing I don't do is look. To me, looking equals failure. Of course I make myself accessible. I have tried dating sites, putting myself out there. In fact, I have tried it all. It’s my job as the Dating Naked columnist. But I don't join these sites thinking, it has to be for love. I'm not looking for love, yet letting love happen on its own. To me, it comes off looking desperate. Now before you kill me...you lookers out there, I simply mean dating sites are just tools to increase our chances to meet people we might never meet. People who might just turn into the real thing. I once said in this very article, the original...that, "I am not afraid of being alone."

But that was a lie, I am terrified of it! Terrified that I will die alone, never having that very thing we all strive for. But in that, I still won't tie myself into the wrong thing, at the wrong time. That just makes me want to work that much harder on myself. I can tell you, I have lost a few great chances at relationships over the last few years because I didn't have the prerequisites to be in one, or even entertain one. And believe me, I wanted to grab onto it for all I was worth. There are A LOT of people who just can't help but hate that they don't have that someone, right that second in time. And they have that “For Sale” sign hanging around their necks.

And let’s be totally honest. It’s a bad market out there right now.

What that leads to is, allowing your expectations to be lowered...therefore allowing the wrong people in. Stopping other possibilities...”better fits” to pass you by. What do you expect when you take your house off the market. People don't stop to look at you. Serious buyers, that is.

So what are my prerequisites that I look for in a person?

1: Has to be outgoing. This is so very, very important. I like when someone can see something they want, and doesn't hold back. Can crack a joke and laugh at herself. Likes other people and likes to socialize. The last thing I want is someone who hates people, and likes to stay in all the time.

2: Has to be loyal...I can't stress that enough. I need a soul that wants and will protect mine for all they are worth. Who at times can be a pitbull when it comes time to have my back on something. Just like she would want me to do. To be family...to get that close to be my life. Betrayal must never be an option. I see all this distrust in relationships...and the stress. That’s for the birds. I need to know when you say something...I can trust it without question or doubt. And I want to give that trust.

3: No ex-relationship baggage. Hey, I know we all have it, don't get me wrong. I have baggage, had baggage before that baggage. My attic was a clutter fuck of baggage...I have had to sort through it, and get rid of the things holding me back. I had to; it was no easy task. You never move on to the next unsuspecting bastard, bags in hand and dump it on him or her. Your next relationship isn't your therapist's office.

4: Has to have a good education and foundation of her own. Never, and I mean never, get involved with someone who is just starting their higher education. Someone who works hard, will respect that you work hard. They will respect their spending. Although I might be a bit of a hypocrite since I go through money like water. But in that, it makes me want to work that much harder making money. I simply like that someone has a passion for something, and they are doing it. Ambition...I don't care what it is. How small or how big. Someone who has their own will respect and love mine.

5: Has to love animals. I have two boxer dogs...Capone and Honey; they are like family to me, my kids in many ways. But it goes beyond that. Someone who has compassion for animals, is a deep human being. Now, I am not talking PETA here. I won't be giving up steak any time soon, or start throwing paint on people who wear fur. But just someone who shares my love for the four-legged creatures of the world. My love runs deep; I am a sucker for all animals. While I looked into boxer rescues, before I got Honey, I was horrified by the cruel things people did to these animals, so much so it made me cry. I know my future will have me involved with helping these animals in some sort of way. Puppy mills need to be shut down and pet stores need to change their involvement with mills.

6: Has to love food...it's a passion of mine. Not just eating it, but creating it. I love cooking. I love all kinds of ethnic foods from all over the world. I plan on cooking all the time. BBQ's are going to be a Sunday thing. Christmas is going to be a feast of the seven fishes. Anniversaries will be amazing. I love family - Yours and mine. Or...I hope yours. Yikes...hahaha

7: Family, I want a nice, big family. So if one kid is all you have in mind…hey, I will have drinks with you, maybe sexual relations. Become friends...but I plan on preserving my family and planting my roots. I see two maybe three in my future...four if I make the serious cash-eesh. You see I lost my Mom in a fire. Never met my father. And a lot of my family moved away or doesn't want to be part of the family. This is important to me. My kids are not even born yet...and I already love them. So I hope she loves the idea of family.

I’ll stop there, seven is a lucky number for me...Just hope that means I won't be married six times before I get it right. <-- Knocks on wood

But there are so many things...being able to have fun, likes sports. Wouldn't mind going to a UFC mixed Martial Arts fight. Could sit there and watch Monday Night Raw with me. Likes to go on drives. Loves the beach, boardwalks. Has a deviant side, and can get a little wild. They are important, but not as important as the prerequisite-seven list. Remember though, it’s not always what they can do for you, it’s what you can do for them as well...going out strong with my JFK reference...Naked.

What’s your Prerequisite list?

Do you think you have all the Prerequisites to even be in a relationship? Leave a comment and let us know.

Basil...Dating Naked

Rings LOVE Me!!

By Basil LaTorre
Dating Naked -

Topic: Infidelity

Single or committed...I have had incredibly good luck with married women of all ages. I never put much thought into it, I just went with it. And why not? My sex life was always an education or even practice for the real thing one day. Now before you get all judgmental - I understand that we all live by a set of rules. But no, really, it's YOU who lives by a set of rules. The single, unattached male or female is in it for themselves. If I am not looking for anything serious, "What other options are there?"

I also can hear you saying, "Why don't they just put that same energy into single women?"

You want the truth..."Single people are more complicated."

I will explain: Single people are harder to approach, because they are so on guard of the potential player sneaking in the back door, that they forget to enjoy themselves. First dates are more like job interviews. Young, single people are still wet behind the ears, and are in search of nothing but the relationship. So much so that they can't see anything but. If you are not relationship ready for some people, they discard you as a player...and move on.

The married woman is not delusional any more, they've been through the wars. They know what's missing, and want what was given in the beginning. We all love the beginning. Let's just be honest. Next to your kids being born, it's the best part of the relationship. Imagine being locked away from the outside world, with little or no sex life for a few years. No conversation...and the only attention you get, is when they ask what's for dinner. Mind you, those few years seem even longer in your boredom, waiting for the man or woman you first met and fell in love with, to come walking in the door. People can be patient, but sooner or later they will snap and search for that rush which causes that blood flow that makes you feel ten years younger. It's easy for you to lable them as whores, or sluts...or bastards. But really, they are just human.

I always compare it to the house cat...looking out the window at a world they want to be part of.
Ever watch them?

They move and jump at what's going on...totally into anything from a bag caught in the wind, or a bird prancing around asking to be eaten - if it could only get past that glass. The glass is one big, huge cock-block from a world they can only watch. That's the bored house wife, or neglected husband or boyfriend. Or, someone who jumped, thinking that being in a relationship was what they were supposed to do.

Let's face it...we are controlled by a world that tells us this is what we are supposed to do. Only there is no crash-course test drive. Even though we read and watch how bad it can be...we always believe that we know just enough so that will be avoided.

Then, here comes a guy or girl who's completely into you. You don't even care why. You just feel wanted. Your better sense will flirt and play, but it won't jump. But we were given this thing called curiousity. For better or worse, we have it. And curiousity will get the better of our senses sooner or later. We all do what feels good. How many of you out there have that one secret that felt really good doing it, wrong or right? Some of you lock it away forever, and others use it as a guide to get out and get what it is that you deserve.

So, why do the rings LOVE me?

Because I pay attention...I put all of my energy into getting to know them. Something as simple as wanting to know things about them, can get you far. Because of how I approach. I make women feel wanted. Something lost in a sour relationship. Because of how I flirt, and make them laugh. How I can make them feel like the center of the universe. I am not rushing to get into her pants as much as I am building up to that moment. I create loads and loads of anticipation. Simply, I send her home thinking. Thinking of a better tomorrow, that she is worth it. No one should ever settle on less than what they are worth...and I make married women value their worth. Even if I don't sleep with them. I make them remember what is great about dating and relationships. Before it became constant tension when he walks in a room, you feel overwhelmed with all kind of emotions...but not in a good way.

As I have said before...I am not an advocate of bad relationships. If I could, I would destroy them all.

I don't claim right or wrong...but married or not, if you approach me like that in the moment, your ring means little or nothing to me. I might warn you once about what you are getting into. After that, you are adult enough to make your own choices, and be accountable for your own actions. I didn't say 'I do'...You did. It's your reputation-your family. A good and happy relationship, is one I could never touch. Guys like me only get to relationships that are already broken...I just happen to be a small crack in an already bad foundation.

If you are judgmental...and want to ask me, "What if my wife did that to me?"

Well you know what? I guess I dropped the ball, or picked the wrong woman. I will swallow my bitter little pill...and know that there is life after infidelity. In truth, she set me free for that relationship I deserve. And yes, there are men and women out there who aren't dropping the ball...who are giving that attention. Who are good parents and being cheated on for something as selfish as wanting to keep the marriage fresh. Double lives. I have had her too, even wrote an advice blog about it once. She is part of the contradiction that exists in our society today. I don't make excuses for her. Truth, I can't even understand her.

The one thing I do feel is...I give someone the confidence to get out of a shitty situation. Excuse me, but that's a public service. Married women didn't come to me because they are happy in their lives, are they?

In closing, you might feel I am just manipulating a bad situation for my own selfish wants and needs. And, in your mind, you are right. In my mind, I am the wrecking ball of single behavior. Life is too short for me to look past the potential in front of me. When I look back, I will have no regrets. My single life is mine, and will not be lost on rules and moral judgments. I respect and love those beautiful relationships, and hope to have one of my own one day.

Topic of discussion: Is it the responsibility of the single guy, or the married woman to honor the marriage...or maybe both?

Or, you can just leave a rant - however you feel inspired. This is not just a blog, this is reality happening as we speak. Somewhere, some place, someone is thinking it, about to do it, or doing it. Leave your NAKED comment.

Basil...Dating Naked

Blog Information Profile for DNDatingNaked

kxdawhf867

Spanking my Monkey, I'm A Toys R Us Kid!!!

This blog was inspired by a former good friend who had the nerve to ask me, "Do my toys scare you?"

My answer to that question was a very loud "NO!" In-fact I said, "Bring it on and let me ask YOU this, Can I Help You With That?"

Once upon a time, I was like most men, in that I feared the sex toy as a replacement or something better. I didn't want it in my bedroom when you had me and my Italian hammer to play with. Well, I got past that pretty much over night while watching my first of many, older girlfriends, use one on herself. I thought, wow...my lower extremities seem to like it, so I must like it too. Who was I to argue with my lower regions? The stigma of being replaced by a huge piece of plastic kielbasa was gone. I saw them as an enhancement, something I could use to make our sex-perience, that much better. I knew I had better learn everything I could about the sex toy...looked like, they were here to stay.

My first sex store experience furthered my curiosity, where a whole new world of kiwi-strawberry heating massage lotions, ticklers and the rest of the sex toy novelties were waiting. The idea of being tied up and handcuffed, never did it for me before, mind you, I was 17, going on 18. But getting into the mind of my girlfriend at the time, I was suddenly all aroused by it all. Strange things were happening, was I a sex toys-are-us-kid?

My first real run in with a dildo vibrator, was one of nightmarish proportions...as I stumbled upon my mother's old 1978, Cadillac coupe Deville version of a vibrator to my absolute horror. One afternoon, my best friend, Dom, and me were snooping around looking for my birthday gifts, sneaky bastard I was, but aren't we all? Anyway, I found something wrapped up in a scarf, hmmm I wondered. As I picked it up, it all unraveled before my eyes, literally!

The sound of my best friend screaming, "Your mother has a dildo," still haunts me to this day.

It's one of those things you never want to think of, when you think of your mother. Of course I got caught, and we both just kind of avoided each other, although she gave me hell for snooping. But at that time, if I didn't have to see one again, that would have been fine with me. The funny thing about that, a month later, she caught me beating off after school...OHHH, THE FUCKING HORROR!!

While me and my now ex, went toy shopping, I began to wonder, "Why aren't there more sex toys for the guys?" If there was, I didn't see any. I hadn't thought that much about it until a few years ago when I was writing a blog about that very thing. Sex toys for guys, and why there wasn't a market for them. And poof, I found some.

Make room next to your Rabbit ladies. Meet the "pocket pussies" for men.

That's right; clean out the drawer space where you hide all your dirty little pleasure toys. Daddi has one or two of his own. Although, it’s still a female dominated market. I mean, you won't be seeing men throwing pleasure parties any time soon. And buying your girl a sex toy is a serious thing, there is a large margin of error if you are not careful. Getting her a huge double-ended dildo monster with four different shaped attachments will probably scare her to death. While a fake tongue may gross her out, and may raise the question, "is yours not working?" And if you give her a life-sized male blow-up doll, forget it -- she'll probably dump you.

But, in the relationship, the guy going out and buying a sex toy for his girl is still very much the rarity. Most guys don't know about the, "Hitachi Magic Wand," or the "Jelly Gumdrop Vibrator Cherry Smoothie." They have probably heard of the "Jack Rabbit Vibrator" made famous by our lovely “Sex and the City” deviants...but their sex toy palate is limited. But as men, do we know about the G-Spot Vibrator? - And if you use it on a woman while she is using a Hitachi magic wand, she will blow like a volcano? Seriously, it’s no joke.

I learned about that trick while having phone sex with a former writer of mine, as she screamed from the orgasm heavens.

The aftershock orgasms that followed were just as intense; I was very fascinated. So much so that I went to a store, and bought those two items for my one and only best friends with benefits. The one girl who I have met who can really handle that job without emotions fucking it all up. I never had so much fun, I really was the little kid in the store who loved using it on her. The louder she would scream, the hotter I got. By the time she got to the sex itself, it was off the hook, because all she wanted to do was return the pleasure I just dropped on her lap…literally.

She joked and said that, "I really was a best friend, because only a best friend would care that much about her orgasms."

I was smug - Years later, sex toys for guys were just hitting the market. Yeah, there was the sex pump for guys. But who wanted to cut off the blood flow to their salami, lose all sensation? I could do that with a condom. But who's that really for anyway? A bigger penis for the girl to get excited about? So, the question is, what are you doing for me lately? The answer, fake plastic vaginas, vibrating cock rings, for his and her pleasure. FINALLY...turn about is fair play.

When I discovered the plastic vagina that supposedly felt just as good as the real thing, the light bulb went on over my head. Basil's smirking revenge... <--fight club reference, I was going to turn the tables on women who thought guys should get over it and grow a pair when it came to the plastic vibrating cock. How would women feel if we pulled out a plastic vagina during foreplay? Or, if you walked in on him beating his meat with one? Would the ego get bruised, or would you join in or watch? Don't get me wrong, the real thing is unmatched. I much rather have skin and fresh over a pocket pussy any day, but I wanted to have some fun with the idea.

So out came my plastic, and I bought some plastic...the Flesh bot, my first sex toy, and the games begin.

Now, I wasn't in a relationship, but I had some regular casual sex going on at this point. But before I could play, I had to play with myself first, I mean I had to try it, I was curious...is it as good as the real thing? Hmmmm I have to admit though, I was kind of scared of this thing. Who knows where this vagina's been... hahaha… So I gave it the smell test. Didn't smell like one, so I tried some fingers. It was interesting. I didn't get the vagina-goose bumps like I do when I finger a girl. It didn't have that warm feeling, even though it was supposed to simulate it. So finally I lubed up, and lost my virginity to my first adult toy vagina. So how was it?

It was better than jerking off with my hand, I will admit that. But it was far from the real thing. I guess you ladies know that being most, if not all of you, own a toy of some sort. Feels goods, but we won't be trading in our partners for it. Well, some of you won't... lol.

So, I invited my casual friend over for her weekly booty call session, and it was just right, we did a lot of making out, high school style. Her rubbing on me while we kissed. The whole 4play book and then some from my own personalized hand book on 4play. Now, I picked her because she LOVES using her toys during all kinds of kinky 4play, I mean she loved that I wasn't insecure about it. Guys before me were. A lot of, “What's that for?” Just insecure men who didn't get that it was not a replacement, it was an enhancement of pleasure. But I was about to find out if she was vagina insecure...I had just about crippled her making her cum. She made all kinds of silly faces and her hands locked up so bad, they hurt. So out came fake vagina. And right away, it began.

Girl: What the fuck is that?
Me: Toy Vagina <---- so amused already
Girl: I get that, what’s it doing here?
Me: It’s just a male sex toy, what’s the problem... didn't I just fuck you with your own?
Girl: Yes but that’s different
Me: Different how?
Girl: YOU have the real thing right here.
Me: What, and my cock isn’t real? I didn't know this.
Girl: I am just insulted that you feel you needed it.
Me: Has nothing to do with being insecure about it, does it?
Girl: I'm not insecure...but I am leaving.
Me: Does that mean you won't fuck me with the fake vagina? I thought I would have a vagina threesome tonight...Don't go. <---- As I laugh

I ran after her and explained that It was an experiment...still laughing so hard, but I had to fix her head, so I gave her some. Later, the more she thought about it, the more she understood. She was just shocked to see one, because she didn't know they made them. But I wasn't done there. I had to see if women were hypocrites, or if it was a one-time deal. So, I blogged about this a little over two years ago. Wanted to see how women felt about sharing their toy drawer with men and their own toys. The blog was a hit, it did somewhere between 250 to 300 comments, mostly women, a few men. And I would say 80% were so against it.

So since that page and blog were deleted by Myspace about a year ago, I rewrote this. So, for you girls who get a kick out of antics like this, are you afraid of my sex toys? Let me turn that around on YOU.

You’re about to get busy, and Johnny-doesn't-make-you-CUM lately pulls a pretty purple bag out from under the bed, it’s your favorite bag from your favorite sex store. THE HAMMA YO ASS sex store...WHATEVER! And you think he is pulling out something for you. And out comes a realistic SEX vagina for HIS PLEASURE, LADIES...that's right, he did it, and he didn't have to get it drunk and he won't go to jail because he paid for it.

The question is, how do YOU feel about competing with a toy, in the bedroom? I want some honest answers, don't give me some prepared answer to sound clever. Think about this, what happens when HE becomes addicted to something that's NOT YOU. Remember when the rabbit came out, and all you wanted to do was play. That's him, and the Hoover VAC of sex toys is moving in.

Here are just two of the male sex toys girls will be seeing a lot more of:

THE FLESHLIGHT - Penis sleeve
The Fleshlight has been hailed as the ultimate male masturbation toy by those who know best. The men that have used it. Made of a soft silky material that feels almost as good as real skin. The Fleshlight is a penis sleeve intended to recreate the feeling of a penis in a vagina, and this one does with remarkable success.

SPANK YOUR MONKEY? - Male Vibrator
Move over Rabbit, make room for the monkey - We all know the rabbit made every woman sit up and take notice of sex toys, while men have been left twiddling their, um, thumbs when it comes to using sex help – and that's not just because they'd sooner use the batteries for the TV remote.

Now a freelance designer from south London is hoping to change all that. He thinks his new invention will do for men's sex toys what the rabbit did for women's.

Colin Bailey, 32, built the first prototype for his Monkey Spanker in his Crystal Palace home. It's set to be sold in Ann Summers’ stores shortly.

Sex toy tips: Sex toys are much better and more pleasurable when used with lube, so make sure to invest in some good quality water or silicone-based lube for your girl if you do build up the nerve to buy her the toy.

Basil...Dating Naked.