The Prerequisite for a Relationship

One of my readers once asked me, "What do YOU WANT?"

I was taken back for a second, I never really had anyone ask me before, or did I ever really think about it. I mean, there are the obvious things we think we want. I sat back for a second, and actually thought about what it is I really want. I mean of course down the line I want a relationship and be happy, a family. All the simple answers people give. But it’s not as simple of an answer. It's pretty complicated when you REALLY think about it. And, I am a complicated mystery. So I guess the simple answer just wouldn't work.

My answer was, "I am in the wind." A mafia term for former gangsters who have turned. Gone into the witness protection. They left and are now living "in the wind." Well, that's not what I meant. I took that term...and used it for my own use.

The Basil-pedia term means: I am not looking...but letting her find me.

But I do have the Prerequisites for a Relationship. Very important qualities to even get a foot in the door. But more importantly, do I have the prerequisites myself to be in a relationship? It’s easy to be concerned about what you want, and how you want it...but not too easy to know you want something, yet say, I am not ready myself, what do I...offer them?

How much baggage do I carry around every single day...what's in my attic, what’s in my basement? A lot of you carry around so much weight, it’s almost unfair to bring someone into the mess we never cleaned up, but swept under the rug so that it looked good to the blind eye. We are all guilty of this, including me.

"Problems, what problems?"

I know I expect someone else to do it for me, so it’s important we do it for him or her. To work out that stuff, come in knowing what it is they want, and make sure I am all those things and more. The one thing I don't do is look. To me, looking equals failure. Of course I make myself accessible. I have tried dating sites, putting myself out there. In fact, I have tried it all. It’s my job as the Dating Naked columnist. But I don't join these sites thinking, it has to be for love. I'm not looking for love, yet letting love happen on its own. To me, it comes off looking desperate. Now before you kill me...you lookers out there, I simply mean dating sites are just tools to increase our chances to meet people we might never meet. People who might just turn into the real thing. I once said in this very article, the original...that, "I am not afraid of being alone."

But that was a lie, I am terrified of it! Terrified that I will die alone, never having that very thing we all strive for. But in that, I still won't tie myself into the wrong thing, at the wrong time. That just makes me want to work that much harder on myself. I can tell you, I have lost a few great chances at relationships over the last few years because I didn't have the prerequisites to be in one, or even entertain one. And believe me, I wanted to grab onto it for all I was worth. There are A LOT of people who just can't help but hate that they don't have that someone, right that second in time. And they have that “For Sale” sign hanging around their necks.

And let’s be totally honest. It’s a bad market out there right now.

What that leads to is, allowing your expectations to be lowered...therefore allowing the wrong people in. Stopping other possibilities...”better fits” to pass you by. What do you expect when you take your house off the market. People don't stop to look at you. Serious buyers, that is.

So what are my prerequisites that I look for in a person?

1: Has to be outgoing. This is so very, very important. I like when someone can see something they want, and doesn't hold back. Can crack a joke and laugh at herself. Likes other people and likes to socialize. The last thing I want is someone who hates people, and likes to stay in all the time.

2: Has to be loyal...I can't stress that enough. I need a soul that wants and will protect mine for all they are worth. Who at times can be a pitbull when it comes time to have my back on something. Just like she would want me to do. To be family...to get that close to be my life. Betrayal must never be an option. I see all this distrust in relationships...and the stress. That’s for the birds. I need to know when you say something...I can trust it without question or doubt. And I want to give that trust.

3: No ex-relationship baggage. Hey, I know we all have it, don't get me wrong. I have baggage, had baggage before that baggage. My attic was a clutter fuck of baggage...I have had to sort through it, and get rid of the things holding me back. I had to; it was no easy task. You never move on to the next unsuspecting bastard, bags in hand and dump it on him or her. Your next relationship isn't your therapist's office.

4: Has to have a good education and foundation of her own. Never, and I mean never, get involved with someone who is just starting their higher education. Someone who works hard, will respect that you work hard. They will respect their spending. Although I might be a bit of a hypocrite since I go through money like water. But in that, it makes me want to work that much harder making money. I simply like that someone has a passion for something, and they are doing it. Ambition...I don't care what it is. How small or how big. Someone who has their own will respect and love mine.

5: Has to love animals. I have two boxer dogs...Capone and Honey; they are like family to me, my kids in many ways. But it goes beyond that. Someone who has compassion for animals, is a deep human being. Now, I am not talking PETA here. I won't be giving up steak any time soon, or start throwing paint on people who wear fur. But just someone who shares my love for the four-legged creatures of the world. My love runs deep; I am a sucker for all animals. While I looked into boxer rescues, before I got Honey, I was horrified by the cruel things people did to these animals, so much so it made me cry. I know my future will have me involved with helping these animals in some sort of way. Puppy mills need to be shut down and pet stores need to change their involvement with mills.

6: Has to love food...it's a passion of mine. Not just eating it, but creating it. I love cooking. I love all kinds of ethnic foods from all over the world. I plan on cooking all the time. BBQ's are going to be a Sunday thing. Christmas is going to be a feast of the seven fishes. Anniversaries will be amazing. I love family - Yours and mine. Or...I hope yours. Yikes...hahaha

7: Family, I want a nice, big family. So if one kid is all you have in mind…hey, I will have drinks with you, maybe sexual relations. Become friends...but I plan on preserving my family and planting my roots. I see two maybe three in my future...four if I make the serious cash-eesh. You see I lost my Mom in a fire. Never met my father. And a lot of my family moved away or doesn't want to be part of the family. This is important to me. My kids are not even born yet...and I already love them. So I hope she loves the idea of family.

I’ll stop there, seven is a lucky number for me...Just hope that means I won't be married six times before I get it right. <-- Knocks on wood

But there are so many things...being able to have fun, likes sports. Wouldn't mind going to a UFC mixed Martial Arts fight. Could sit there and watch Monday Night Raw with me. Likes to go on drives. Loves the beach, boardwalks. Has a deviant side, and can get a little wild. They are important, but not as important as the prerequisite-seven list. Remember though, it’s not always what they can do for you, it’s what you can do for them as well...going out strong with my JFK reference...Naked.

What’s your Prerequisite list?

Do you think you have all the Prerequisites to even be in a relationship? Leave a comment and let us know.

Basil...Dating Naked