Quit Blaming the Sex Drives

It's not them, it's you...every couple wants to blame the sex drive, or lack thereof. But how's that helping anyone? Most of all, helping your need to get completely fucked stupid.

Now, now Basil, that's not very sensitive...I know that's what you are thinking. I would gather you are also thinking they probably need Dr. Phil, and a little understanding. I disagree. Sometimes, people need brutal honesty. And with this subject, brutal honesty has never been more important. Now, I have never been married, but I have been in a relationship longer than most marriages last these days.

My relationship lasted a little over eight years...and in that time, we had a few sexless stops along the way. But, it wasn't because I lost my sex drive, and she had one bigger than mine, or vice versa. Because let me tell you, there were plenty of women I would have been happy to fuck into a coma. And I am sure, there were plenty of guy's faces she would have loved to introduce to her vertical smile between her legs. But for whatever reason, we just weren't very into each other.

"Gee, Basil...what were those reasons?"

I hear ya...I said brutal honesty. It was any number of things. She changed her appearance. What appealed to me about her in the beginning, vanished without a trace. Years of silly arguments, over stupid things...also took its toll. Seeing all those little things that irritate you, that weren't so visible in the beginning, didn't help with sex either. The mystery was gone, I'm sure on both sides.

I am sure if you asked her, she probably has a list of any number of things about me. I am far from easy to live with. You add all that up, and who wants to have sex? But more than anything, after awhile, nothing is new anymore. There is nothing new you can bring to the table that keeps it interesting. I love me some eggplant samich, from John's Deli with an olive salad on the side. But if I had to eat it every fucking day, I would get sick of it. But with food, you get to try other things. In a relationship, unless you are a swinger, you don't get to try the girl at work for lunch...and the girl from that store you like to go to, because you know she is there.

She didn't get to taste Johnny Depp, who I know she would have cheated on me for, in a second. It wouldn't have shocked me if she screamed out, ohh, Johnny, during sex...I knew. In the beginning, when we weren't together, before we lived with each other, she used to masturbate to me...sometimes, we had phone sex. Or I would write these dirty, filthy notes to her, letting her know where my mind was at any given moment, and she loved it.

You might be thinking, well, why didn't you just write her some more of those filthy notes?

Because when I wrote them in the beginning, it was inspired...from the heart. Believe me, she brought that to my attention. She kept them, like a proud mother would of her baby photos of her kids. I knew what she was doing, she was reaching out...hinting that she wanted more of that. But it couldn't be asked for, because it wouldn't have been real, like the beginning. She didn't have to ask me in the beginning. I could have made some shit up, just to make her feel good, but how's that fair on my side?

Is that what it becomes...appeasing people?

If you asked me, I would have said, well..grow your hair out again...lose 20 pounds. Be new again, before I found out how you were really like to live with. Dress up again, take those stupid, ugly, over-sized sweaters off. Stop whining about every single thing...God, nothing hot about emotional females. Fuck, stop having drama at work, I don't care...it's not high school, not everyone has to like you. I don't want to go to your family's house, they suck...that's why you moved out so fast and moved in with me. You couldn't wait to get away from them. I'll stop there...I can imagine what you are all thinking.

Wow, thank God they are not together anymore.

Exactly...None of that inspires fucking, or sex. And none of it, has anything to do with sex drives. In saying all that, it wasn't the end of our sex lives together. Sure we still had our moments. But it was more of our way of relieving tension. Release sex. Sex, just to have sex. It wasn't love making, and it sure as hell wasn't romantic. After awhile, you just kind of do things, either for yourself...or as I said before, to appease them. Because we are supposed to. Relationship sex becomes masturbation. Meaning, instead of tugging in the shower, or when they are not home, you kind of just use each other...her vagina, is my hand..my penis...her toy. I mean, they are there, why not, right?

What does all this mean?

Well, it means the lack of sex...more times than not, means bigger problems in other areas, not lack of sex drive. Sex drive is the excuse, so we don't have to say what the real problems are. Sometimes it's all the reasons I wrote about above. Others could be any number of things; feelings for someone else, lust for someone else. Anyway you look at it...it's a warning sign the end is near.

Not if you ask the Dr. Phil's of the world, maybe not Phil himself, but therapists. They will have you believe you can save it. But what are they supposed to say, they want your money. I say this, because after awhile, we are not capable of change on the scales it would take to make things right. We all have that, "love me for who I am" attitude. Don't try to change me, "love me for me, damn it, or not at all." Then some Doctor tells you, "No, change." Justified or not, no one wants to change.

Oh sure, some of us will, because one side might want it more than the other. And unless you are a real, fucked-up case that needs some serious soul searching; the rest, just can't do it for long before resentment kicks in and rears its ugly head. Because, we all just want people to love us for us. Not for what their idea of how we should be, is. I was reading a message board topic, that read, "differing sex drives." And under read this:

"I want it twice a day! She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

I thought right away, wow, who's she fucking...because women get hornier with age, not less. Or, how much does she despise looking at him...is he a fat bastard, or does he man-scape or even care? What's the problem there? I seriously doubt it's her drive. Put the guy she likes to masturbate to in the room, and we will see how much her sex drive is the problem. As a guy, I have plenty of women I can get it up for...as women out there, you all have a person who can get it twitching to the point you lose control.

And for those people, where it's really about the sex drive, or lack thereof, those are the people who never had it to begin with...for whatever reason. If you are with a guy or girl who used to fuck you like they couldn't get enough of you, and now, they can't stay far enough away from you. It's not the sex drive, it's YOU.

NAKED!!!!

Basil LaTorre.