Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Casual sex
She wants casual sex too, it’s just not her first option...like any salesman, they will take less to get the sale, but if you are willing to pay higher, why lead on to that fact?
The idea behind dating casually, and pursuing someone whose first option is something more serious, is patience. If a woman likes you enough, and has a strong attraction to you, she will sleep with you. But she won't just come out and admit that fact, at least not to you. In the cat and mouse game that is dating...most women live by perceptions. The perception, that she isn't "that girl." Most guys, don't mind being "that guy," just as long as it doesn't hurt their game. So how do the two come together in happily unmarital bliss?
It’s simple, keep her occupied and listening. If you can hold her attention once she knows your intentions, your chances greatly increase. Remember, women are not robots. They want to get laid as much, if not more than you do. If you've ever had the pleasure of listening in on women talk about their sexuality, you will probably have a strong moment of clarity, right as you are done beating off...enjoying the aftermath of an orgasm. Women are silly horny. So the idea that single women, who are looking for that one true thing, will look past the really sure thing, is absurd.
Women are more discrete than men, and in no way, ever want to give a potential husband the idea that she is easy, and that any Tom, Dick and Basil, can get it, or has had it.
Again, it’s the perception factor. I have gotten to know women over the last five years, who I knew were very sexually active, yet told potential new men, that they can't have loveless sex. Meanwhile, they all had a regular guy or two. But in their defense, it’s not an even playing field when it comes to being promiscuous. Having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis for men, is somewhat dirty to women. But, most women won't hold that against them, if, that is, she really likes him. But men, automatically put women in a category they can't climb out of. Most girls, don't want the Rob Dyrdek tag of, "dirty girl."
As a guy, you have to keep in mind, that most girls...hate sleeping alone, I mean HATE it. Not all, there are those who can't wait to kick you out once they are done with you. But more than not, women just hate being alone-period.
So if her potential relationship-well is all dried up, she is going to want something to keep it wet and flowing. That's where you come in, whether she likes it or not. Sometimes, it just happens on its own, with no preparation, or planning behind it. Sometimes, it’s all about being at the right place, at the right time. The rest of the time, it just wasn't going to happen, regardless. Call it sexual fate. Put two people together for a certain amount of time, and chemistry takes over. You just can't be so quick to write her off at the first sign of her being a commitment needy female.
If you do work your way in, remember...women get attached pretty quickly. It’s a rarity they can pull off a healthy sexual relationship. Three or more times and it just starts to happen. Familiarity and comfort just set in...and the next thing you know, it resembles a relationship. If you are lucky enough to get in, be fair in not allowing yourself to give her the comforts of a commitment. Don't become jealous of other things she might be doing...in turn, mind your business. If you start showing jealousy, she will confuse that as you wanting more. And not what it really is.
If you do end up falling for her, make sure you have that conversation...so that she can allow herself to fall with you, or walk away, because that’s just not what it is anymore. You wanted casual, and now...that's what it is for her.
In the same breath, don't treat her like a vagina on the clock. Go out, act as if. Just keep feelings of anything more than a friendship, out of it...Naked!!
Basil LaTorre
6 comments:
Quite true, especially around the end in not letting her feel there is jealousy of some sort. I had a goof friend w/benefits a long time ago, but I grew attached as soon as he started calling more and acting like he wanted something more, or so I thought. It could have been fine if he never acted that way, or maybe if I never spent the night at his house and just left afterward.
I guess I was bad at dating because I couldn't do the casual relationship. It just wasn't me. I would have to know, before I could get physical with someone, that it at least had the possibility to lead to something. But if I'd been single in my 20s, it might have been different.
If it's casual then it needs to remain that way, as you said. If it starts looking more like a relationship, somebody (and not always the woman)is going to develop feelings.
Women do want sex just as much, and it is harder for them to dodge the stereotypes or labels. The thing I don't like is being seen ALL the time, as a walking sexual possibility. It seems to happen that way regardless of what I'm wearing or what I say.
However, TALK to me...make me trust you a little bit, and we'll see what happens from there.
I absolutely prefer, to be able to let the guards down and let myself care, but haven't met many worth that. So, there are those.."in the meantime" men that'll do for now. And some of them can even be those "flame up quickly and burn out just as quickly" scenarios.
For now, I'm sort of taking a small sabbatical from you guys. I'm tired of casual lately and am changing my focus internally and on my son for now. Eventually, there'll be someone that may strike my fancy. But I'd prefer he be more than a casual affair this time. After a while, casual does get old. At least for me, but I've been dating far longer than YOU Basil.
Until I decide that that's different, there are toys, phone sex buddies, etc. I'm fine with that for NOW to get through those AWFULLY hormonally charged days! LOL
Thought provoking, Bas.
I have no problem with the FWB scenario, but I'm finding that it's the guys that are confused. They don't want more, yet they act like it. If I'm a booty call you need to not sleep in my bed 4 nights a week and ask me to rub your damn back so you can fall asleep. Let's do this and then you need to go...or at least go sleep on my couch...lol
Good blog, very informative. I am all about the present moment. Once we have gotten to know each other a bit. Treat me, please me, entertain me as if I am a queen. And I will do the same.
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