Was It Really That Bad, Or Was it Just Me?

Ok, so the dating scene is not going as smoothly as you thought it was going to be.

The last guy turned out to be a jerk after you had sex with him, and this other guy/girl won't stop calling after one bad date. Now you’re starting to second-guess breaking up with your last relationship. Grass isn't always greener, is it?

I could have told you that, but who asked me. It doesn't always happen as fast as you would like! That's always a fact. Nothing good ever comes easily...or quickly. If it seemed too easy, it probably was. You are not the exception, the exception being the rule. If you were, you wouldn't be thinking about that ex. You see, he wasn't perfect, but he was always there. It’s easy to remember the comfort of the relationship. It’s even easier to forget why we broke up in the first place. The pull to pick up the phone is a drug, and it’s not easy to shake. Sometimes we just want what's familiar.

It’s like a comfort food you have not had in awhile; you just know it’s going to be good...even if it won't help your diet.

It’s even funnier how they know when to call when you are at your most vulnerable point. Like they have some kind of spy in your brain, telling them, "CALL, she is miserable." Weird Jedi mind tricks we play on ourselves.

A sign from above: You were thinking about old times, the best times. Looking at old photos...it must be a sign that he called...Right? Wrong, it’s really not...you are just looking for a sign. Loneliness is a bitch of a feeling. Loneliness is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness. In that emptiness, we reach for things to fill that void. It makes you call a friend, just to see if they are going to tell you what you want to hear. Tell you that yes, what you are thinking is true, Confirmation. The truth of the matter is, he probably has been thinking about you from the point of the break up. Maybe because he misses you, or maybe even because you ended it, and not on "his" terms. Maybe because he has an ego, and didn't like being dumped, and told it’s not going to work. Most of all, he of all people, will know just what to say.

Of course he will, he spent a good chunk of time with you, and knows just what it is you need to hear... It’s not at all that they changed and have figured out what they did wrong the first time. No, it’s that they can manipulate your weakness of being lonely. "You know, kind of how they kept you in that relationship longer than you wanted to be in it in the first place. "Manipulation," is the way most people get what they want, even when it is not really what you wanted.

The ex is guilty of this just as much as a player trying to get in your pants. They, like the player, will say and do whatever it’s going to take to get that end result.

Sex with an Ex...aka comfort sex: Like a comfort food, comfort sex is the familiar touch of someone who put in the time. He may not even be the best sex, but it was that relationship sex you have been missing. The problem is, there is no way a stranger can give you that feeling you desire. Yeah, he might be able to fuck, and fuck well...you might have cum more times in one night with this stranger than you did your whole relationship...but we all know what the truth really is. Most girls will take emotional in-love sex over that great fuck. I know some of you ladies are reading this talking to yourselves saying, "BULLSHIT, I want the fucking and the orgasms!"

But more than not, you want that emotional connection only a relationship can give you. We all know when that guy is inside you, and he is looking so deep into your eyes, you think you can see inside of his heart, and it’s beating just for you. But you are only remembering the beginning, and not the middle and the end.

The beginning is the best part of everything new. If that feeling came in a food, or candy bar, you girls would all be pretty fat, and watching infomercials waiting for that next new gadget sure to knock the pounds right off...right? It doesn't and chocolate will only last so long.

So, you sit there mind-fucking yourself asking: "Was it really that bad, or was it you being selfish?" Maybe it was both...maybe the beginning was like any other great beginning. But he or she couldn't sustain it. But, never lose sight of the things that made you feel neglected, or the selfish habits they couldn't change that made you want to get on a plane and never come back. The relationship came to an end for a reason, and it’s your job to see if it was really them, or maybe it was you.

In the movie The Break Up...It ended with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston running into each other, and everything seemed all clean and fresh. He had learned something, and lost some relationship pounds. And she had traveled and done the things her relationship held her back from doing. It ends with the possibility of something...but doesn't elaborate.

That's us...sometimes you have to leave something and leave it in the past, to have something better than before. You can't EVER go back to something thinking it wasn't really that bad. That's fools gold.

You want the past, you will get the past...and all the bullshit that came with it. Make sure you know that if you do get that pull, that you have moved on from the past, and start all over from go. They have to earn your time, not get it because nothing else better came along. I know the theory is, “I’d rather be unhappy and not alone, than unhappy and alone.” How about we just work on being happy, the rest will follow...NAKED!

Basil...Dating Naked