Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Are We Faking the Friendship?

By Basil LaTorre
Dating Naked Online
Topic: Dishonesty

And sneaking in the back door, Do we sometimes use friendship's just to get closer to another more desired goal?

Depending on whom you ask the answers will vary, but the truth is, it happens more often than you think. We, as human beings, sometimes go through the back door when we are being blocked from the front. What does that mean? It means sometimes the people we want are in committed situations, and using the up-front approach is just not going to get it done. So instead of walking in the front door, and causing messy drama, we quietly sneak to the back, and use friendship in the hopes that we can take advantage of the "Insider's Information Act"to break up the relationship that seemed happy right up until the moment we arrived on the scene.

I know. It sounds horrible and not very nice at all, but honestly, can any of you say it's not true?

You can say "no, I never did it", but you can't say it's not happening. As humans, we are selfish by nature, and I can't deny my own guilt in my past. I honestly didn't even realize I was doing it until it was already in motion, but it's obvious in the advice we give and the poor way we act as friends. I had not even thought about this topic. That was until I had a great conversation with a former writer months back. She had her sights set on a guy who was not available. So she took another course of action. She became his friend with designs on eventually getting him for herself. She let the friendship develop out of her own attraction to the guy.

In some cases, guys and girls can be the best of friends; in other cases, any true platonic relationship is almost impossible. It all depends on how the friendship got started and whether or not there is a physical attraction involved, be it one sided or mutual, and more importantly on the personalities of the individuals at hand. With the likes of social networking such as MySpace and Facebook it's become an even more thought provoking question than ever before. These sites are giving us all a new way to see and speak to people we ordinarily would never have met before. We all have a friends list with that one friend in question, don't we? All women have that one friend their boyfriend or husband has a sneaky suspicion about, maybe a co-worker, but whoever that FRIEND is, you know it's the foreplay and attention you won't admit to.

Everyone denies it, but unless you are a blogger why else are you adding strangers into your little cyber world and calling them friends? What made them pick you to send a friend request to? Why did you pick them? Are we faking the friendships to get to know new people, and why? Why do we need more, and more importantly, from someone who potentially has other intentions? Maybe not everyone, but how can we really know? Is "friendship" a convenient label we give to distract from suspicion? Study the human behavior and you will for sure figure it out. Everyone believes they are the exception. That they can handle the human connection between two people and remain "just friends". And it might have been true at the start, but humans are humans. They tend to develop feelings very fast, and at that point, it becomes a battle of what to do about it and when. I can say that, because I know plenty of girls with that one big secret. I know things that if I named names, shit storms would be brewing across America.

If you want an admission of guilt, I myself have done this. Befriended females who really kind of knew what I wished would happen. Why else did I choose YOU to be MY friend . . . why? Because we can go shoot pool together? Or maybe shoot each other up with some paintballs? Maybe I can back you down on the basketball courts. No. I was attracted to you. I wanted to be in your presence in the hopes that you would feel the same connection. And no, it's not always sex related you suspicious women. Sometimes, we just feel something strong and so we advise you and want to be there for you. It's why you begin to trust in us, when in truth, it should remain private and between you and the person you made a commitment to. But you want to believe that it's just a friendship...some people call that a dick in the jar or greener grass. It's emotional cheating.

Have you ever had a friend with benefits situation, but really wanted more? Did you sell the idea that you were ok with just being casual…only you weren't?

This is a common friendship Fake-A-Roo that goes on between the sexes all the time, and both sexes for different reasons. Women, well, they wear their hearts on their sleeves. They want what they want, and think if the guy just gave it a chance, that the sex will turn into the relationship you really want. Guys, well...we are douche noodles. We know for us to get it in, we sometimes have to give up something we don't want to lose, our freedom. Guys view this as a fair trade. You get your commitment, so that you can have sex without being that girl, and us guys give up the other girls that were making you crazy and stopped you from sleeping with us to begin with. Either way, it all boils down to the same thing, dishonesty and fake intentions.

Have any of you ever watched MTV's The Real World? If you have, did you ever notice how a guy or girl comes into the "real world" situation in a relationship that was supposed to be untouchable? Well, that was until they made it to the "real world", so to speak. A few shots of tequila, and some one on one with your favorite roommate/"friend", and your relationship turns from untouchable to what am I going to do? And then finally, the break up millions tune in for. SMUG-I Got your Girlfriend.

That's social sites, and that's the real world, when you are dealing with the chemistry between humans who all want the same thing. It's unfair to those who are genuine, but who ever really knows who's genuine? Do you think the douchie bags own their douchebaggery? Does a cheating slutty wench own their shit, ever? They wear their lies like a mask, and they don't take it off. So is it really so shocking that people fake friendships to get closer to their secret desires to be with you?

Ask yourself, have you ever used a friendship, or a sexual relationship to get closer to the one you desire? ARE YOU FAKING THE FRIENDSHIP? I have... GUILTY!!!

Basil...Dating Daked


Brenna on October 25, 2011 at 10:28 AM said...

Yeah, Guilty.....but in the long run you usually wind up getting hurt because you now become the "other" in the relationship. At least that happened to me twice. Not the best feeling to be 2nd in line when you get to hear all the bitching and complaining about the one they are with and wonder why they are staying with that person and sleeping with you....I try to understand the reasoning for it, but it hasn't happened yet, maybe you can enlighten me? Can be laid out that they will just find someone else to do it if you aren't going to be a willing participant anymore to the game. Yes to some it's a game, whomever dies having screwed the most people wins! I have always chalked it up to not being good enough for the number 1 spot. Which becomes more self sabotage....but you will probably just do it again, because you crave any attention and keep trying to be the ONE they actually want to be with. In the mean time, probably missing out on something that would be worth your time. Vicious cycle.

Basil on October 25, 2011 at 2:27 PM said...

You become the hand to whom he masturbates too. You are that exciting new person. Any time you fall into something where you are being manipulated by how unhappy he is, and you are the one who woke him up, and makes him happy, you are allowing the sociopath in all of us brain wash you for their selfish needs.

Then you begin to understand, and listen...you allow yourself be become part of the problem.

Anonymous said...

Okay let me start by saying that not everyone with a back up plan realizes they even have one. Secondly, not everyone who is the back up even minds being the back up. Also, you can't really be held responsible nor hold someone else responsible for an act/fake friendship that you/they are unaware exists. In due time the truth/nature of the friendship is revealed and then their are choices to make. Most of the time people who go in the back door or have a back door are insecure, uncertain, and emotionally disconnected from themselves and therefore always have someone to offer solice. However, it isn't fair to others or to oneself. It's using somebody else to give said person what he/she cannot give to theirself. Also, most importantly, even if their is an awareness and perhaps arrangement from both parties, it holds the other person emotionally captive. In any event, nature takes it's course and eventually you figure it... (now hopefully that worked and made sense cause it was kinda hard to do with my phone and I did not proof read)

Natalie Nucci on October 30, 2011 at 11:11 PM said...

I'm not going to lie & say I've never had underlying intentions in a sexually intimate relationship. However, without honoring your own personal intentions through honest communication can and certainly will cause misinterpretations by the other person(s) involved. I find that in doing so, you are not only being unfair to someone else, but mostly your own self. You will never find satisfaction in any relationship if you are not willing to be honest about your personal stand point. Unless of course, confusing others is part of the control you need to feel as if you may be winning at your own game.