The NAKED Truth...He Wants Space

Dear Basil, what does it mean when he says he wants space after six years of being together and having a child? Signed anonymous.

Dear Anonymous...would love to tell you he is just going through stuff, and he needs space to work it all out. But I would only be doing that to soften the blow that he is probably talking to someone else who has his attention. And that maybe, you sense this, and might be hovering over his every move. So by asking for space, he gets to explore it. Leaving you as the fall-back option. My question to you is, has he ever cheated on you? Do you break up a lot?

She replied that they always fought, and that he left her for another woman about a year ago for about three months.

My question in return was, why did she take him back after that, and why does she not know what "I need space means?" It's pretty obvious that he has his eyes open for new options. That he has little respect for her, and that she does not value herself like she should. Why would anyone take being the fall-back option if you had any value of one's self?

The answer is simple, she is afraid to have to start all over, as a single Mom, and that she has little or no self worth. I don't mean that as an insult as much as I am meaning to slap some sense into her. Beyond him being the father of her child, he offers her nothing tangible. Just a warm body she is used to having around so that she doesn't have to be alone. I think it's honorable for parents of children to work things out, but when is enough, really enough?

She went on to ask, so would I look stupid if I moved on?

I replied, I think you would look stupid if you didn't. Kind of desperate he would settle on you, or things wouldn't work out...and you would be the fall-back girl. Who wants that? I mean really, chances are, he is probably a tool...and the girl he is talking to will see that, unless she is a walking cum dumpster with no intelligence whatsoever. Even if by some odd chance, there isn't another girl, I think it's an insult that after you took him back, he has the ball sack to ask you for space. If by some chance, that was me...she would have just signed her walking papers. "You want space, I got space for ya!!!"

My advice, give it to him. Only that space should be forever. Because believe me when I tell you, this ship has sailed, and you are holding on to the past, and not the current situation. Maybe he is doing nothing wrong, but maybe it's you. Maybe you are suffocating the life from him and the relationship; he needs to get away from you. Who wants to have a relationship, where all you do is fight? Maybe, you are not the girl you once were. Maybe you suffocate him because you know this, and you are trying to stifle him from meeting anyone else and leaving you like he did before. Maybe, just maybe...you outgrew each other. Maybe he needs you to set him free, if you love someone, you might just have to love him enough to set him free if that's what he wants and needs. At this point, he would only being staying because he feels badly, or he doesn't think he could do better. Would you really want him after knowing that? If so, what does that say about you?

In closing, there are three sides to every story, Your side, his side and the truth. That's why I needed to place some blame on you. Somewhere in the middle of it all, lies the truth. The glaring thing that came out of this, is he left you before. The best revenge in this situation is this, work on yourself. Prove to him, and to yourself, that you can do it without him. That you, were the better option he can't have back. The only thing that matters at this point is how you two act for the kid. To move on without trying to destroy one another. If only for the kid you two made when you were in love, or in lust.

What's Space ?

Are the sexes so different, that we have different meanings for the infamous request “I need some space”?

Many times the woman’s definition of "I need space" is different from the man’s definition of this request. So it's not rocket science to figure out why women are confused when a guy puts that out there. When women are in committed relationships, very seldom are they looking for space, anything but.

Now that is not to say that you don’t have your women players out there looking to have a good time, while trying to hold down a relationship on the sneak.

For the most part, women don't ever want to give their man too much time to think of a reason why he shouldn't be committed to her. So if your woman was to tell you that she needs her space, what is it she is asking for exactly? I think it's a safe bet to say, she is weighing her options. Space can mean that she needs time to think about what she’s doing with a guy like you and whether or not the relationship is worth her time. Maybe you were the timeshare during a lonely period of her life.

I need space can simply mean...get out of my face and out from up my ass, meaning you might be a little too attached for her liking.

Needing space sometimes means that she needs time to be away from the stress of the relationship and just needs some “her” time. That's what they would tell you. 'Me' time means, I want to be single, but I am not sure. I need space so that I can figure that out, all while leaving you twisting in the wind.

Last but not least, I need space can mean that she is trying to get your attention by scaring you into thinking that she might not want to be with you. Using the threat to get more out of you than you were giving before. Maybe the relationship has gone on long enough, and now she needs to know she is in it for the long haul. The threat of space, might just get the ring she was looking for, or, the answer she has been going over in her mind. Will he ask me at all, or will I be that long term girlfriend who never got it, while the next bitch gets my ring?

I need space can basically mean a whole lot nothing at all, or a whole lot of insecurity.

On the flip side, men don't ask for space unless, A...There is an option they are interested in. B... You are so far up his ass, you know what he had for a snack earlier that day. C... He is ready to put an end to what has been a debate going on in his head for awhile. You see, men don't need the threat of space to get more out of you, because getting more out of you has never been a problem. Men don't have to wait for the ring. So we don't have that issue. And space, just means go find a hobby, I love being with you, but not every fucking second of the day. Any way you spell it out, space, is never a good thing.

NAKED!!!

Basil