Don't Most Girls Feel This Way?

And if so, why are we so commitment crazy when women can have everything they want, and that bag of chips with a side order of a few pounds?

Confused, well I will explain: I was reading a blogger named Isabella Snow: Smut in G Minor. And I stumbled upon her blog, "The big A-Ha Moment." The title just grabbed my attention, being my big A-Ha moment was when I prematurely ejaculated for the first time when I was like 12, during what must have been a pretty fucking good wet dream. But that's a whole other story entirely. Reading her big A-Ha moment, left me with one of my own, this blog.

So I'm reading, and reading...and I didn't get bored like I do with most things, while taking it all in. And I get to the part where she admits what I believe most women feel, but never say out loud unless she is mad at some guy, or, about to get her period. And she says:

"The simple truth is that I like not being in a relationship. That's not to say regular sex isn't to be missed, but a girl can get laid whenever she wants and there are plenty of toys to offset these things."

A-HAAAA...I KNEW IT!!! <-- I just had a moment, sorry.

Sex, love and the pursuit of happiness? That's what they would have you believe, only like Isabella Snow, it's not always the case. The only happiness we should worry about when it comes to sex, is that both parties got off. I still think it's insane that sex, and love, always have to be paired up. I think sex is lost on single people, or that's what people want you to believe. If you want the physicality, you had better be prepared for something more. Only, why is that? What if, like Isabella...she doesn't want the more, just a good in the moment? People, not a person to spend time with. I happen to believe lots of women feel the way Isabella described, yet it's almost wrong to admit. I always thought that. Why do women need us to commit? I mean, women can get laid...really, any time they want.

God, I hate you all. Just knowing that makes me want to give you crabs, but I digress.

But this is not about sex, it's really not. It's really about liberation from the commitment. Women have held sex hostage for too long...I have written before, that the prerequisite for sex, has always been commitment. Proving that sex is lost on single people. Ohhh, it's happening, but keep it to yourself, it's a secret. They won't admit to it out loud, being they don't want men grabbing on to the idea that they can get it easily...and without a relationship, commitment. What it has forced men to do, is give an elusion of one. She goes on to say:

"I do not want the things people in relationships have. I don't want children. I don't want to share a big house with a boyfriend or husband, because I like things the way I like them and I don't want to adapt to someone else's lifestyle."

Sounds like me in my early twenties. Truth, she sounds like single men who can actually get laid. I think we all have that in us, when we couldn't be bothered. You just don't hear many women come out and say it. I think it's refreshing. The saying is, knowing is half the battle...and if you know, why waste time living up to the idea of what society tells us is the norm...I say, rock out with your clam out - buck the rules, play by your own.

Do I believe Isabella will live happily ever after in single-dom? No, but this is where she is now, and she is comfortable with that. She just hasn't found that ONE guy, who encompasses all the things that makes her safely want to take off her vulnerability condom. Sometimes, we meet men or women who have aspects of things we want...but lack in other things. Maybe she just won't compromise her time and heart on guys who can make it as friends, but not forever. And maybe, she doesn't have a forever. It's better than pretending she has one, like most people these days. Too stubborn to fly alone, and breathe the fresh air of the truth. I believe she is more happy alone, than most people in commitments.

I probably sound like a commitment-phobe. But you couldn't be more wrong. I am just the "anti-bad- relationship-phobe". To some men and women, that makes me the anti-Christ. I love women, yes. I love kissing many women. I love when things just kind of bubble over and happen. I love sitting across the table, knowing a connection is happening. Being single is not lost on me. And being in a relationship will not get lost on me either. I will take my love for dating, into my forever. I just think it's amazing when someone knows there is life in single-dom. I hope everyone reading me, now and later...gives Isabella a read. She's worth your time. NAKED!!

Basil

Link for her blog incase you can't find her. http://isabellasnow.blogspot.com/

Dating Naked, Love, NOT Enough

Her...If you Loved me, you would make this work. Me...I do love you, But sometimes, love just isn't enough.

The dreaded, its not you, its me conversation. When what you are really saying is, No, its you. I don't know why its you, but its you. Having to have that conversation, could totally destroy someone you do love, but you feel it's just not enough to sustain a working relationship for life. Call me a fool, but I believe it is so much more. I believe you just know, and know right off the bat, you can't live without this person.

I believe cold feet is a warning, that you are about to make a mistake. I believe in a true love, that makes you wake up everyday, happy. I believe true love, can consume you, consume your time, where no one can get close enough to ever challenge it. I believe people only get close enough to drive a wedge, because it wasn't the real thing in the first place. I believe that for it to be the real thing, it has to be love so great, for BOTH people, not just one.

I think sometimes, only one of the two feels...OMG, I am SO IN LOVE with this person. Where the other person feels, Yeah, I love her. The passion and feelings, are not the same. I think sometimes people think if you just love someone, it is the reason to stay together... because why not? When it should be, I couldn't...I could not be with this person. This person is the center of my universe. I think it's rare, when you have two souls, who meet and feel that same connection. I think because one feels it, they ignore that it's not the same...call it greed, call it being stubborn.

But you want them to love you back, more than they really do. It's a hard realization, to figure out, its one sided.

Call me a pussy, but I am afraid of being someone's need for something more. More than I am their MUST. I don't want a settled-on lover. I want what my grandparents had. I want something I feel in my heart, when I see them. Where you miss them because they are not with you. I want to love her passions, and share her moments. More than anything, I want her to feel those things for me. Where it is just what it is, and not what I want it to be.

I have had to have that talk, more than I would like to. The "It's not enough" conversation. But I believe because I love them, I can have that talk. I think there is no worse feeling, than knowing you need more. Knowing they are not for you, but making them believe it is for them. The lie, so that you don't hurt them. I believe if you truly love someone, you can love them enough to be honest, and set them free.

Time is a gift, not a given. And to take their time, and later tell them, it was never enough, is the worst possible thing you could ever do.

The screwed up part of it all is, we wait till someone else is already there, to take their place beside you. Only adding to the sinking feeling in your chest. Even worse, having kids who remind you of what once was, and what is not now.

I will not cheat myself of that magic, of that love forming and building...and growing like a child inside the belly of a woman. You see, a man will never know that feeling. The closest thing we have, is falling in love. And I will not live the lie, just because I want the real thing, with all of my heart and soul. I know one thing, I can't find the real thing, while in the wrong relationship.

In closing, we fall in love all the time...but we only have but one true love. The one person we say it to for the last time. I think I will hold on to that belief. Until then, I am in the wind...Dating Naked!!!

Do you disagree: Is love enough?

Have you ever had to tell someone you love, that its just not enough?

Do you think I am living in a fantasy world?

What are your thoughts on love?

Basil...NAKED!!!!

Cougars, Dating on a Month to Month Lease.

Have you ever dated a younger man? If not, would you? Is it acceptable for a young man to date an older woman?

While guys dating up is nothing new, for women on the prowl, dating down has gone mainstream. They've even created a network show to celebrate this fact. Although it has been going on forever, it has finally trickled on down to those who may have been curious, but never touched it before.

Making it official, Cougars are in!

For me, dating older women is nothing new, I personally believe, dating up should be a right of passage for young twenty somethings who need a little life experience. It's a trade off in many ways. I think for newly single women, it's a return to a time when it was all a rush. First kisses, and lots of attention from a guy eager to fulfill her needs. For younger guys, it's all education...on the job training for young lions on the prowl. But still, what's in it for the female, some ask?

It's a fair question...why are more and more older women preferring to date younger men these days. I believe in my heart...after long, exhausting relationships; raising a kid and a husband, women come out needing a little fun. Something that feels like that failed relationship when it began. When it was good. When the chase was half the fun. When you thought it wasn't a good idea, but did it anyway because it made you feel high. An escape.

I get questions all the time about the allure of the older woman..."Why older women?"

Well, it's not hard to understand...I would be lying if I didn't say it was the sex factor. But that's women of all ages. You know how some younger girls have this thing for older men? Guys get that same feeling for beautiful, older women. It's a realistic fantasy. So what's not to like? I guess, for me, it started out as a sex thing. It was also the never-did-it-before factor. I read about it...as well as saw it in movies. It opened that door for me, and once I walked in...there was no closing that door. I felt different. My first ever real adult relationship was with an older girl. I was 17, going on 18. After her, was the run...or that's what I called it. I would have work relation's with two. I met another in the gym. It became addictive to just even hang out with these women. I was growing up in their company. I learned so much about me, and in turn...about women on a different level than I had before in the past.

It's more than age though after awhile. It's spending time with a mature woman who has something more to offer me. That was the element I didn't have an understanding of beforehand. I liked that it wasn't just me bringing something. With younger girls closer to my age...it was all about what you could do for them. I never had a girl invite me over to her place, where she made dinner...with candles. It was all new, and I liked it. Dating finally had a face...it grew up.

Of course it was going to be a heartbreak for one, if not both. Eventually what goes up, must come down. The high never lasts. Eventually age matters. Questions become prevalent. Answers can't be avoided with a kiss. You can't live in the moment forever.

You might ask, "Why would anyone set themselves up for disaster and disappointment like that?"

With Kathy, it was never on the table, meaning MORE! I served as her distraction. The guy who wouldn't quit. That guy who flirted with a smile. I was working it from the second she walked in the revolving doors of the hospital, till she walked out...with ME!!!

I was cocky, yet a little wet behind the ears. I was energy, and eagerness. I was daring, not afraid to say something that might be a little off the table, at any given moment. I didn't pretend that I wasn't in lust with her. And that's what she wanted. You see, we started flirting at my job. She worked in the hospital I worked at. She did administrative work for the hospital. And I was the manager of a wannabe gourmet coffee stand in the hospital. That was the bridge into talking, then flirting, then where we ended up. In talking, I didn't have to ask if she wanted more or less, it just came out because we put the time into talking. And WE listened. She knew I was still tangled in my past girlfriend, and she needed to breathe. I guess you can say I helped.

I helped her feel, viable, wanted and lusted after...something her ex, couldn't be bothered with.

I can't say I came in as the big swinging sausage. But I had lots of energy, and she would feed off that. We had moments that I could write about, but it wouldn't do it justice. I came into my own that year. I just didn't offer my services, I learned like a student. And yes, we did talk about the possibilities of more once. She made a very strong point that ended that conversation right there.

She asked, "Will you still want me when I am in my fifties and you are in your early forties?" She said, "Age does matter, don't let anyone tell you differently. Enjoy what it is for the moment. See things in a truthful and factual manner, and it will help you make choices in life." Basically she said to do the math, it never lies. I was there, as a time share. Borrowing that piece of her life. And when it was over, I had to give it back.

But was she right, does age really matter?

I thought about that for awhile. You can't deny the human side of us, even if it sounds politically incorrect. Her other points were just as strong. If we made a go at this, what if she wanted children, and I was YEARS away from being ready for that? Does her clock ticking away mean I should do something I am far from ready to do? So yes, age does matter depending where YOU are in your life, and what you have or have not done. Age means very little when you're putting little on the table, and need to play. So what was in it for me?

My mother once asked me that question: My reply. I'm happy...right here, right now. I am content. I learned a whole lot about life and myself. A relationship is like taking out a year-to-year lease, with an option to buy. With Kathy, it was a day to day, week to week, month to month thing. It was easy. When we stopped seeing each other, there were no hard feelings. There was only a lot of admiration and respect. A woman I am proud to say I still know till this day.

Today, it's not as taboo as it once was...everyone is doing it, whether it's on the down low, or whether it's way out there. What I do notice, is that like any other casual relationship, we are screwing it up by trying to change it to fit our own selfish needs. Age gaps can only work in very rare situations. VERY RARE.

To answer all the questions...let me first start with the first. "Do guys think older women are easier than younger girls?"

You want the truth, the mind of man...right? I would say a good number of younger guys have that impression. YES, not all. But some do. But you shouldn't be mad at that. Guys know women are more sexually aggressive than younger girls. They are more comfortable with sex and their bodies. Guys are not all dumb, they know this. Some guys are going to go for the safest bet, in a way, it is a hearsay trend. What are the other options? Lying to a younger girl, making her believe he wants more than he really does?

Or, date up? Someone who is battle-tested, may be better equipped with dealing with matters of the heart, and knowing how to detach emotions from the physicality. Once guys learned that you could date up without all the bullshit, they became obsessed with it. Same as they did with the label FWB. Put sex, and as little commitment as possible on the table, and you will find plenty of men sniffing around it...Can we agree on that?

What is the age difference that makes one an official cougar?

This is a question I get a lot. It's pretty simple. I have read and agree, it is ten and up. A ten year gap, and you are an official she-pred. But the real truth is, you are only a cougar if you date no one but younger men. There are women, like a former friend of mine, who wouldn't touch anything over 40, being she was getting closer to that age herself. She dated down almost exclusively, all ages within reason. There are women out there who are in their mid to late thirties and up, who date young 20-somethings and nothing but. They want young, hard-bodied 21 year-olds and up, who will satisfy not only their sexual needs, but fulfill their egos. People don't factor in the mind when it comes to this. Being able to date a guy like that, keeps them feeling young and vibrant just knowing they want you.

It used to be a classism thing. Older, rich, women dated the hot pool boy, or the cabana boy at a Sandal's resort. That is where it originated...it took different meanings as more and more women started doing the same. So, to answer the question, to be an official she-pred, you have to either be a chronic age dipper, or be between seven to eight years, and then you can start to purr, pussy cats - Ten years - and call yourself a cougar. Last but not least...

What are the rules, and is it "just" a sex thing?

I would say it has to be. It would take special circumstances for it not to be. When I got asked, last year at the age of 32, why wouldn't I date a 40 something seriously? My answer is always because I want children. I want a nice-sized family. I just do, call me crazy in today's world. I don't see many forty somethings, starting a family. Hell, there are a lot of women who are already grandmothers in their mid to late forties.

Never mind popping out three little Basils, both girls and boys. The point is, I don't put that offer on the table, because I need to set a precedent, that it was NEVER on the table. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. So is it just sex, yes and no, it can grow into a friendship. Nothing is ever set in stone. It could very well turn into love. And you go about it when that time comes, but you should never going into it with that in mind, kind of let it happen on its own...kind of like any other relationship. My verdict, Cougars...Dating on a month to month lease.

Questions: Older women actually prefer dating younger men - but would you? Have you?

Do you think it's logical to date down, seriously?

Do you have any more questions about cougars? Has something in this blog made you want to ask me a question?

What should I know, that I may not know from the female's side, about older women and dating down?

My question to the ladies who like them young, why younger men?

DN, NAKED!!!

The Less you know, the More YOU Will Love Me

That's Men 101 for you ladies who didn't already know that. Or maybe you have always known, but ignored it because you didn't want to accept it.

The confusion lingers - The questions, still unanswered and the battle of the sexes continue. The less you know, the more you will love me. Well, not me, so to speak, but men as a whole. Ok, me too. I am the prime example of this theory. I went to an old friend for this article. I asked her, if you could ask a guy a few questions, what would you ask? And this is what I got.

"Why don’t men communicate what they mean? They bury their heads in the sand...and why can't they deal with their past before they move on and make it more complicated?"

The answer to this is simple, only because men are simple. I know, you are reading this saying, "How can a sex so complicated be simple?" Well, if you are a guy, you know we have this thing called, "Things she doesn't need to know." This is where men and women are different.

Women by nature are curious creatures. They like to talk about feelings. They want to know the root of things. Doesn't really matter how complicated the roots are. If it's tangled, women will untangle the shit out of it. None of these are bad things. Women go to each other and hash out whatever is in their head.

Men by nature are curious creatures too...but it is different. As I said above, we are simple. "Hmm, I wonder if she is wearing underwear?" “I wonder what's in the refrigerator, I'm hungry." " I wonder what's on tonight." I don't think any woman who has spent a significant amount of time with a guy will argue much of that. When something is wrong in our relationship, we don't run over to our male friends. We run over for a distraction. Drink a beer. Do something. We know that friend probably can't help us. We know he won't MAKE us talk about it. Women...want answers. They call a female friend.

OMG, Sarah. I was trying to turn him on, and he wasn't interested.”

“OMG, Carol, Mike is friends with his new co-worker...she called the house last night.”

“OMG, Jen, my vagina feels funny...does yours ever bark at you in the middle of the night?”

I mean, women should pay each other for being each other’s therapists. As sexes, we are just different. Women, as a gender, can be hypocrites. SOME women, before I get my head bitten off for generalizing. But here is an example. My friend who WAS married went to his friend to talk once. Their marriage was starting to fizzle and he wanted to save it. So he bit the bullet and went to his friend. He told his wife that he talked to him...and she blew her gasket.

"How dare you involve our personal life with an outsider," she said.

He was confused, because her friends know everything. Just like a scene from the movie, I Love You, Man. Paul Rudd confides in his friend about his fiancé’s lack of giving blow jobs in the relationship. And she gives him the third degree. But at least two of her friends know almost everything about what he does in the bedroom. Her reply when he calls her on it...”It’s different!!” So how does that answer anything? It doesn't. So I will use myself to answer that question, and break it all down.

"Why don’t YOU communicate what you mean?"

Well, the first thing that comes to mind when I get asked that. The VERY first thought is, "Why? What's the big deal?" WE might not always say it...but look at our faces. We are thinking it. We probably gave you a simple answer that was enough for us. Sometimes we don't know what we are trying to communicate - So we say as few words as possible. Once you say anything...like in a court of law, in a woman's mind, it becomes record. Women are like Italians, they don't forget. We often feel if we open our mouths, and say what WE really feel or think, that it will be held against us in every argument after that.

"Why do YOU bury your head in the sand?"

Because, we really don't have an answer, not one you might accept. OR, one that won't go over well. But it’s like when you are kids, and know you are in trouble with a parent. You just kind of want to hide and not have to deal. Men suck at accountability. Who wants to have a fight? Or sleep of the sofa. Who doesn't want dinner? Women can be unforgiving and harsh when ticked off. I would rather get sunburned on my ball bag, and eaten alive by bugs. Burying our head sometimes seems like the smart move. Sounds too easy, huh? Like I said, simple.

"Why can't YOU deal with your past before YOU move on and make it more complicated?"

First, let me say...who doesn't do that? Both genders do this. We use each other to help us pull out of it. Do I agree with it? Hell no...but it is what it is. Dealing with it won't change it. Let’s be honest here folks. We never forget. Dealing with it to a guy is like beating it to death. We kind of think if you push it far enough out of our minds, it will just go away. We compact our baggage into our pockets and try to minimize it so that YOU, can't see it. We just want to move on.

Women on the other hand, wear their baggage. I mean it’s all over Myspace. Women by far blog their issues and life much more than men. Women’s baggage is, two suitcases and a backpack and one of those pully cases. And a very large purse. A guy...you have to poke and prod - throw him up against a wall and pat him down.

"AUHH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? What's this? Ex-girlfriend issue next to the gum."

"OHHH, he was cheated on. TRUST ISSUES!"

“Loves his Mommy, he’s a Momma's boy. Going to compare me to his mother the rest of our lives.”

You have to earn our baggage...because if it gets in the hands of the wrong people. It can be used against you. And that sucks. But that's what makes US, guys. That's what makes us different, besides the inverted smile in your pants.

It’s not supposed to be easy, guys...and what makes it worth it all, is when you find the right person who wants to share it all with you. All the funny stuff, all the hard stuff and all the life issues locked in our box. We all have a box...before YOU try to unlock his box, make sure yours is open as well. There is no answer in the wrong person. So if you have to ask...he's probably not for you. To my friend...I LERVE YA!!!
That's NAKED!!!

My Reality... I Had Hate Sex and I Liked it.

"I know for A LOT of women, sex is this emotional connection between man and woman, but have you EVER had hate sex?"

Well I have, and it's great. Better than great, AMAZING. But what is hate sex? Well, it can't just be faked... the dislike for someone has to be genuine. The prerequisite for mind-blowing hate sex is based on the feeling of disgust for someone who attracts you as well. It can also happen during a moment of rage right before a relationship ends. Hate sex is sexual intercourse that happens between two people who strongly dislike or annoy each other. It is related to the fact that opposition between two people can heighten sexual tension, attraction and interest.

"Have you ever had that, a strong dislike for someone who gets you moist when he or she gets you angry?"

It's a complete and utter rush. Now listen, I need my rushes anywhere I can get it. I don't do drugs of any kind. Smoking pot, well that's lame and boring. Makes you mellow. I don't get off allowing something else control me. So all that other crap is garbage. I drink socially, but it’s rare that I will ever get so shit-faced that I make an ass out of myself. But sex, now that's my drug of choice, my rush. From the act of seduction, to the moment right before contact. My adrenaline is working better than any line of coke could ever do for me. The whole thing is euphoric, it’s cerebral and it’s hot. But one year, right after I became single from Kim, the now infamous ex-girlfriend, I had a summer where that rush became immortal, sexually.

Her name, Courtney. Pound for pound, the best sexual experience I had come across at that time in my life.

We hated each other from the moment we met, till the moment we were done having sex. I am not even sure how it ever happened in the first place. There was no, "Well, maybe she likes me, maybe I like her." To be blunt, she was a snotty bitch. She was kind of a rich, stuck up, Staten Island girl, with a better pot to piss in than everyone else. I really think she thought her shit smelled like lilacs. And then there was me, who was kind of sick of girl's shit... aka wounded bird, still whining about my last girlfriend. It was a match made in hell from the moment we met.

She treated my friends like shit, she talked down to everyone. She hated everyone it seemed; yet she had lots of friends. She hated her baby sister, not because of anything she did, but because she was born. She had a chronic PMS face, and made you want to vagina punch her on any given day. She sounds like a winner doesn't she? But I will give her this, she was fucking hot. She had a style all to her own...she could pull off vintage clothing like a model. And she wasn't afraid to flaunt her body by how she dressed. But still, I hated her.

One night on the beach on the Island, there was a Battle of the Bands bonfire, a kind of end-of-the-summer ritual. And there was this rumor that had been flying around that me and Courtney, had this thing for each other. Of course we both denied it...but that night on the beach, it all kind of took on a life of its own.

Hate turned hostile, as she had finally crossed the line with me, and my best friend.

She was so enraged by this rumor; she ripped into me and my best friend for spreading it, only we didn't spread anything. I didn't mind her attacking me, but my friend didn't do anything but come to hang out. Truth, it was her friends who had. So I ripped right back at her. Anyone who knows me, knows that when I get pissed, I can be an unforgiving bastard.

But in a strange twist...I think she liked my tirade. Almost like I put my hand down her pants with a finger vibrator. Her mood suddenly changed. She was back tracking, and trying to apologize. She suddenly cared, that’s what I thought. I walked away, and put on my best diva act. The whole, no, leave me alone, don't talk to me bravado. I mean, I meant it, but looking back, it was a bit much. I actually hurt her feelings... so much so, that when we all went to the Eagle Diner, she walked away to call her dad for a ride home.

I should've had more balls, I mean she was wrong, but of course, the nice guy in me went after her.

I caught up, and after my best I'm sorry act, she cracked a smile...but was mean, and told me I had bad breath. Once a bi otch, always a bi otch. But it was all in fun, although I was checking my breath the whole night. It was an inside joke between us...AND, it made her laugh. In a strange way, that rumor about us, suddenly started becoming true. I was attracted to her.

Later that night, we all went back to the beach, it was such a beautiful night...I was sitting by myself on this big sand hill, looking out, into the distance. Everyone else was spread out all over, doing God knows what. And Courtney found me, and she says...”Are you playing with yourself over here?” I just made a face and came right back at her and said, “I was, until I saw you, lost my wood.”

She said, ha, haa. She sat down next to me and I asked, “Why are you such a bitch to me?” She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don't know. I like giving you a hard time.” I said, “You should try being more nice to me”...and she replied, “Nah...I wouldn't respect myself in the morning.”

Something was happening though, I could just feel it. She comes back at me, and says, “So, I make you lose your wood?” That's when it happened... she started sucking on my finger, like she was giving me head, and guess what...I HAD WOOD, and tall wood at that.

It all didn't last long, we were all leaving, but I was confused, was she just being a bitch, or was this the beginning of something?

That night, I get a knock...it's her. She didn't say anything, neither did I...She just kind of walked in - and it all started. All of our anger, hate... dislike, all came out in a kiss that was like nothing I had before. She didn't just kiss with her mouth, but with her body. My hands moved down the back of her pants, inside, squeezing, and penetrating her. It was all kind of violent. She was talking shit, and I was coming right back at her. By the time I entered her, it was like we were two strung out drug fiends...and the way she moved her body, into mine... I was strung out.

We continued this in secret for nothing more than a few weeks. Everyone would be over, they would leave... and we would go at it. It’s where I learned the term, booty call. But it had no future. Even if I allowed my mind to go there. Truth, I almost wanted it to, even though I knew she was not for me. We had one thing going for us, GREAT Hate sex. We talked about it once, and she said...I will be honest, the second I feel something more than fucking you, I will disappear. And she did... back in the days when we had beepers, I sent her a beep...she never returned my call. I spotted her once after that...but I didn't say anything. It was a great memory in a screwed up time in my life. In a way, she helped me get over a girl I couldn't shake. Because for the first time, I wasn't thinking about that girl. I often wonder about her, what she turned out like, does she have kids. Is she nice to people now? I get the urge to look her up, but then, think better of it.

You see, how I remembered her, was the way I was supposed to. It wasn't love...was just a connection, and a time we had. I might have almost confused lust for love, but I didn't. She didn't. I learned, sometimes we are attracted to people we don't like. Sometimes, that's all we need...just a distraction.

I went on a crazy run after her...cougars, married women. Girls in relationships...anything that couldn't be a commitment. I had realized a year or so later, that's where she was. Pretty smart if you ask me, although, I think I got closer to her than anyone else. And it all happened when I went after her that night at the diner. something was sparked...sometimes, people come into our lives for short periods of time, and impact us. She was my first hate fuck...and not my last. But we all remember our firsts, don't we?...NAKED!!!

Question, of the day - Have you ever wanted someone you didn't like, or even hated?

Basil.. Dating Naked

Dear Basil... Cheating, is it too ADDICTIVE to Stop?

Dating Naked
Topic: Cheating and Addiction

Addictions, and the drug of choice? CHEATING!!!!!

Not drugs, not booze - Cheating, no one used to talk about it. Cheating seems to be the hot topic of the last year for me, because it’s all I have read or have written about. It’s being done more today than ever before. It used to be the male’s issue, but more and more, women have come out of the closets and have admitted to their own infidelities. I had a reader who has been reading the last few Dear Basil blogs. She has been living with a secret for the last year. And so here is her email followed by my thoughts on, Cheating, is it too Addictive to stop?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM FINALLY ADMITTING TO THIS, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE A SAFE PLACE. I HAVE BEEN ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS, AND I HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON HIM FOR ABOUT A YEAR WITH MY MARRIED CO-WORKER. NOW BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP. BUT IT’S JUST NOT AS SIMPLE AS THAT. I NEVER WANTED AN AFFAIR, IT KIND OF SURPRISED ME WHEN IT FIRST HAPPENED. I DON'T WANT MY CO-WORKER AS ANYTHING LONG TERM. I THINK IT WOULD RUIN THE ATTRACTION. THE TRUTH IS, IT WAS JUST NORMAL, INNOCENT FLIRTING IN THE OFFICE. I EVEN TOLD MY BOYFRIEND ABOUT HIM, AND LIKE WHAT ANY GIRLFRIEND WOULD WANT AND EXPECT. HE WAS OK WITH THE FRIENDSHIP. HE DOESN'T GET JEALOUS. THEY EVEN MET A FEW TIMES. ONE DAY IT JUST HAPPENED, AND I WAS ADDICTED TO HIM EVER SINCE. THE THING IS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT’S HIM, OR IF IT’S THE CHEATING. I CONFRONTED MY CO-WORKER ONE MORNING, WE TALKED ABOUT THE RAMIFICATIONS OF THIS OFFICE AFFAIR. WE BOTH AGREED TO BACK OFF AND GIVE OUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS THE TIME AND ENERGY THEY DESERVED. ONLY LATER THAT DAY, I GOT AN EMAIL TO MEET HIM WHERE WE ALWAYS MET, AND HE WANTED ME ONE LAST TIME. I HAVE TO ADMIT, I WANTED HIM TOO. SO WE DID. THAT LASTED A TOTAL OF A WEEK. THE NEXT THING I KNEW, WE WERE HAVING SEX EVERY PLACE WE COULD. I GET OFF ON HIM. I GET OFF DOING IT. I DON'T LOVE THIS MAN. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. BUT THE SEX IS JUST BIGGER THAN ME AND I AM CONFUSED. IS CHEATING REALLY THIS ADDICTIVE, OR IS IT ME?

BASIL, I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING IS WRONG. I AM NOT AN IDIOT. I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW I CAN LOVE SOMEONE SO MUCH, YET CAN'T SAY NO TO SOME ONE I DON'T LOVE OR RESPECT. I FULLY ADMIT, IF I LOST MY FIANCE, BASIL, I WOULD BE SO LOST. I WAS NEVER LIKE THIS BEFORE. I AM CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT YOUR READERS WILL SAY. HOW COME LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE, BASIL? I CRY WHEN HE IS SLEEPING. WHY AM I DOING THIS?

Cheating... Is it too Addictive to Stop? You know what? It probably is. All I can think of when I read that is WOW! I know the moral thing here to say is, you are wrong and you just need to stop. You need to tell your boyfriend and blah, blah, blah, blah!!!

But who does that, really? And why would she? Who dares put that scarlet letter on their chest for your moral views?

It does grab you. If anyone has had an affair, you would know that there is a certain element to cheating that is a massive rush. It’s like that first-time sex you have with someone, where you finally give into the passion, over and over. And let’s be perfectly honest about this part too...Doing something we know is wrong is also a massive rush. We all know it too.

Some of you do it in small doses every single day. Just the way this started was in small doses. It started out as innocent flirting she said. "FRIENDS." FIRST, there is no such thing as innocent flirting. I know there is someone reading this that will disagree. But you do, because you need to justify what you are doing so you can keep doing it. And even if you did, you open the door that could always lead to more, just like my reader. She didn't intend to cheat on her boyfriend, but once she allowed herself to become close, and intimate with her co-worker...it all changed forever.

Here's my point on innocent flirting: First, How can anything be innocent, when innocent flirting begins with mutual attraction? Who flirts with a guy or a girl they are not attracted too? It happens because you like the person, you find something about them that moves you. Second, Guys view flirting as interest, always did, always will. It’s the “Come fuck me” free card. Even me, I flirt on my blogs all the time.

And you know what, when single, I would seduce almost all of you. It’s not innocent. But in a relationship, it gets tricky... because where does the line begin and end?

We all have different buttons, different triggers. I know when I am in a commitment, I can't allow doors to be opened, just like an alcoholic knows he can't just have one drink. A drug addict can't have just a little taste... a person overweight and on a diet, can't just sneak in a krispie cream. These are addictions. Sex is as much of an addiction as those. Sneaking around only amplifies those addictions. Because it adds to it.

I personally, got off on sneaking around with the rings. The lust factor was amped up that much more. It was electric. I didn't over think it cause I just didn't care, I got into it. I thought the passion of a love-starved woman was ten times that of a single girl who didn’t know what she is missing. Does that make me a fucking jerk? Maybe. It is what it is. To me, an affair is a sign of something wrong. PERIOD!!! What that something is, I couldn't tell you. They all differ.

Some reasons: Sometimes we just get the overwhelming feeling that there is more, and we are being cheated of it. After attempt after attempt of asking for it...our needs take over reason and sanity. It’s just that simple. Other reasons. We become starved for attention... so "innocent flirting" attends to those needs. Only until innocent flirting becomes that door that opens and you can't seem to close it. More reasons. You left something before you really let it go in your heart. This only leads you back to it, sooner or later. And sometimes...we are just habitual cheaters. Like I said, we are all wired differently. Some of us have lots of emotional needs. Some of us have physical needs. Then there are the rest who have addictions. Cheating to me is as much of an addiction as the rest. I believe that. That rush keeps you coming back.

You don't have to understand it. I know many of you reading this are getting pumped up hating everything my reader is doing. Deep down, she is too. But remember what I said. Sometimes it takes over reason and sanity. That crack addict can't think of anything but that pull off the pipe. She can't think of anything but that moment her co-worker enters her. I can almost hear the comment now.

“Why doesn't she get that same feeling when her boyfriend enters her?”

Don't you think she wonders the same thing though? Some will say she doesn't love her boyfriend if she can do this. And my reply is. How the fuck could you know that? You mean to tell me, you can't love something, yet want something else? We are human. If it’s happening, and it is all over the world, then it's possible. You hate it, because YOU fear it happening to you. I bet lots of you wonder everyday if it’s happening to you. It just might be. Some of you wish you had a man who loved you so much that he wanted to spend his life with you. It burns your ass she has it, and is fucking it up.

My advice to my reader: Cheating- is it too addictive to stop? It is very much addictive, and it is fucking HARD to stop, but it is possible, just like any other addiction. AND, like any other addiction, you have to stay away from the problem. Even if that means quitting your job and learning from it. And if you really can't... Sweetie, hand him back the ring and pack your bags. Go get it all out of your system. Some times, we meet the right person, at the wrong time.

While I was running around with rings, I stayed out of commitments. I had a lot of “Fuck the World” going on inside of my head. I just didn't care. If you are going to play bad, do it alone. Don't take people you love down with you. Run wild alone. Looks like you stumbled on a side of you that you need to go discover. After you do that, you will have a better idea of who you are, and who you can be with. Because, and I say this with all of my heart. You may love him, but not enough where no one can touch your relationship. Real love, no one can touch it. Your co-worker wouldn't have been able to get close enough to sniff. Real love, can't be touched. My verdict, it’s addictive, and you are not ready to stop. Hand back the ring, and get out. Once he finds out the truth, the relationship will never be the same.

What’s your advice? Opinions are wanted.

The question is, can you love something yet want something else?

Flirting... where does the line begin and end?

CHEATING... is it an addiction? Or an Excuse?

Do you agree with my advice and this blog?

Basil... Dating Naked

Are We REALLY Relationship Ready?

I have this ongoing rant about people who are not relationship ready. These same people seem to think it has got to be something with other people, and not enough about them... EVER!!

I sit back and smile, and start thinking God, YOU have to be kidding me. You are having failure, one after the other, and you are either blaming the opposite sex, or just the person. Never once do I ever hear those same people say, "I need to look at myself in the mirror, because it just keeps ending the same way for the same reasons." Where is the accountability, where is the responsibility and where is the desire to get it right?

I had to come to grips with my own responsibilities and my own harsh reality not too long ago with the failures in my personal life, and failures in my life in general. Yeah, I did it too. I pointed fingers. I blamed the other person for being who they were when I first brought them into my life. I mean, let’s be honest, we've all done it. Looked passed glaring problems and issues over the excitement they brought into our lives. The biggest thing we look past...Jealousy: see, that right there makes me laugh. Because there are only two ways to look at it.

A, Either YOU are responsible for dating the jealous kind of jerks over and over again, or B, you are giving all of these men a reason to be fucking jealous.

How can either sex not pick up on that? But then again, when do we ever take it on the chin? It’s just easier to lay someone else out. Here is another thing. Each of us has a certain attraction. And when we find out that attraction really isn't for us, we don't change what we thought we wanted. We look for the same things, in another person. In other words, you are eating retard sandwiches for lunch, and you are just getting what it is you were asking for...only complaining about it just to hear yourself complain. You wanted extra salt, then complain it’s too salty. That's on you.

What about your own jealousy...dating the opposite sex who were just as wanted by other's as they were by you. Dating the popular guy or girl. Who always got attention, but now that they are with you…WHAT? You thought all that attention they had before this was going to go away? If you date an attention whore, who always had attention...who will always demand attention. Who in turn, got YOUR attention. You have to accept that about them, because that's what got them there. There are certain people who don't have to do a thing, but smile and bat their lashes, and they get attention. Then you get jealous of that fact...causing a change in who you are...in effect changing what they like about YOU.

You can't change people; they change in their own time...or not at all. In turn, what you liked about them, you now can't stand.

Other common excuses...They've changed: We all evolve as we get older. The wild calm, and the calm get wild. It's a fact and to me, is as simple as age. Some couples started dating young. So, pretty much what you enjoyed about them in the beginning, might just change in age. No, it WILL change. Sexuality changes, minds change… ideals and ideologies change. Who I was at 20... was nothing like who I was at 30. So how can we hold them responsible for something as natural as growing up and changing?

Relationships take responsibility. That same responsibility we lack at a certain age. I have this belief that from 18 to 25 should be all about selfish behavior as well as education. Not just school education...but in people. At 25, we are on the upside, and should have had a good run in not having to answer to people before the age of 25. By that time, you should have a better idea of what it is you want out of life and a person.

Ask yourself this. How can you take anything seriously in a way of a promise from a person who might change his or her mind...what they wanted when you got together, might very well be different. And the only thing holding them there is guilt...and a shared love that has changed in time and in growth. Is it really that wrong? Should we hold people to an old promise? Being relationship ready is about understanding that it’s not just about you anymore. If you can learn that…the world will be your relationship oyster - so be honest with yourself. If you can't make that commitment...then you are not relationship ready. This was a lesson I had to learn. I, in no way, was ready to commit my attention, my heart...and my time.

In closing, if you find yourself being single every other month. If you have a baby daddi, or two. If you have two failed marriages...and a rocky relationship to boot. If you have a husband or boyfriend you keep leaving and coming back to. Maybe you are just not relationship ready. Maybe you have some soul searching to do...maybe you're just not the relationship type. Maybe, it is them, and YOU too! Sure would be nice to figure out, don't you think? If you find yourself, reading your reality in this. Maybe you need to ask yourself, am I REALLY relationship ready?

Basil.. Dating Naked

If you have tried to comment the last few blogs, but couldn't. I fixed the problem. I hope everyone leaves their thoughts, and sorry for the glitch. If you can't comment for some reason, please contact me@ - Darkeyes2k7@hotmail.com

The End of the First Date

The end of the relationship started on the first date, or lack thereof. What ever happened to the first date?

Don't call me old-fashioned...maybe just a romantic at heart. But can someone answer one thing for me? Have we all forgotten about the importance of the first date? Seems that people today have lost that dating feeling. It used to be that you met someone, you had a courtship over the phone and then after a few days, they ask you out on a date.

That idea seems almost foreign to a lot of people my age and younger. Including me the last few years. Nowadays you meet someone on Myspace, or Facebook...even Twitter. You have a relationship practically over night...and the first spot on his or her friends list.

The problem with that is...you are at the mercy of their representative.

It's easy to be someone you're not via email...we don't put enough on in person one on one interaction. There was a time a first date could tell you everything you ever wanted to know about the person sitting across from you...and then the phone number gets deleted from the CrackBerry...right?

Or for others, it's Friday night...and we go relationship picking at the bars or clubs. Fingers crossed, you are going to meet prince charming in a sea of pointless dicks all out for pointless pussy. Maybe you give out your number...wait a week for a call, depending how easy he thinks you are. Maybe he left a voice mail before you even got home. You hear from him Friday after work and he says something romantic like, "Hey, you want to meet up with my friends and me tonight at the bar?" You and your girls meet up with him and a series of events like this follow in the next few weeks.

Before you know it, you are bringing pizza and beer over to his place and watching a movie. Where did the romance get lost in all of this?

Maybe we are all just that easy these days. It occurred to me a few years ago after speaking to my friend, that maybe dating or being asked out on a date has become a thing of the past. You instantly find yourself going right into a full-fledged relationship where the little things sometimes get lost in the shuffle!

How do we avoid falling into an "Instant Relationship"?

Take it from me...make the first date of importance. Take it slowly! I have learned from experience that the best way to get to know someone is over time-over a few dates-over long conversations that never seem to end. Don't fall for the first wave of bullshit...see if he or she has staying power. Sometimes, all they have is the first wave and little after that.

If they ask you to meet out...tell them that you would prefer a one on one encounter so that you can get to know each other better.

I regret so many relationships in my past because looking back, I did not know nearly
enough about them ahead of time. I was thinking back to one of my best dates and realized that there weren't that many to choose from. What a sad thing! I have always been the "guy with a girlfriend" and now as a single thirty-something man, I find myself longing for the days where it was exciting to the build up to a first date...then a second, then a third…discovering each other in steps.

I think we want the relationship so badly we skip the steps. But I thought we wanted it to last? All we have done is commit to timeshare relationships. Ok, ok, I am old-fashioned. But I like the idea of wining and dining...dropping her off with a kiss that will last forever in her mind. A date she just has to tell a friend about...creating anticipation till the next date night.

My advice: Delete your Myspace. Sign up for Facebook, use it only for family and friends who have been friends long enough to be called FRIENDS. Never fall for your Facebook...or bootycall your Myspace. I'll explain later…lol

Naked Q & A's
Is romance dead? Tell me stories...restore my faith.

Have you ever had a real date?

Tomorrow's DN, we dive into relationships...Are YOU Relationship Ready?

Basil...Dating Naked

My Introduction…Naked

I would like to thank everyone that has subscribed so far to a blog that has yet to post anything. I have been writing for about five years. I started on Myspace to help launch an idea called SIN Magazine. From that idea, spawned a new idea called Dating Naked, DN for short. It’s the mind of a man who dares women to read it. Truth to be told, I dare any sex or race to read it. My goal is to help create a better dating and relationship experience for everyone. I plan on doing this, by exposing the ugly NAKED truths. By bringing to light, the inspiring stories we often never hear about. By laughing at the funny things we are sometimes too embarrassed to talk about…the realities, both mine, and yours.

I write from experience...I put it all out there. The good, the bad…and the ridiculously funny. It’s my journal into becoming a man. Into dating and sex. Into my first love, and the end of it. Into my flings with married and older women. To my longest relationship to date, down to the end of it... and all the stuff in the middle. It’s a journey into long distance flings, and love affairs. I will discuss all topics and give advice to those who are in need.

Every day will be something new.
Monday: Dating
Tuesday: Relationships - DN Naked Radio at night.
Wednesday: Advice
Thursday: My NAKED Reality
Friday: Sex topics

I don't claim to be Dr. Phil, nor do I have a degree. But I know my shit. I am the mind of a man. A single man, a man in a relationship. A man in an unhappy relationship. I am a student of people, human moves. I am all of you, only I have put my life out there- unwrapped and completely vulnerable. I have walked that line…crossed over it and come back. Been the bad boy you love to hate. And I have been the guy you love to love. Sometimes, I have been both. I have been your booty call you wanted more from. And in karma's little joke, I have been the guy who wanted more, but couldn't get it. I can relate…because again, I am all of you.

My first blog starting Monday will be, The END of the First Date... followed on Tuesday by the blog, Are WE Relationship Ready? I hope you enjoy…maybe tell a friend, spread the word.

Basil

Dating Naked Launch!

Dating Naked, and DN Naked Radio will launch this September, 2009! This will be my latest venture into the blogging community. I will be giving blog-goers a one-two punch of blogging, and radio.. in the hopes I become a must read. I spent the better part of five years playing on myspace, researching human behaviors, and learning a little of my own. My time on that social networking site, was a smashing success.. where at the same time, also my biggest failure. My end on that site, is also a new beginning on this one. I will start posting stuff here real soon, maybe even next week.. starting Monday.

I will be posting my thoughts on the state of relationships, as well as the meaning behind the games that confuse many of you. I will also be posting a how to guide into dating, and dating successful. I will expose the pretenders, and allow you to read between the lines. I will be giving advice to those in need and, those who will not admit they are in need. I will cross that certain line. The taboo, and social prohibition relating to any area of human activity or social custom that is sacred and forbidden. Crossing the line into the taboo is usually considered objectionable or off limits by much of society. The goal, to create a following.. Stir the debate. To educate and open minds through my own realities. To get YOU reading NAKED!!.