2009 Dating Naked

Why I Should Never Drink & Date

2011-11-29T04:00:00.000-05:00

DATING NAKED
Topic: Reality/Sex

Have you ever drunk dialed your parents for a booty call? Well I did...just one of the reasons I should NEVER drink and date.

Back in my bartending days, I was at my worst as a human being. Yeah, I was out for ass, I was cocky. Sometimes rude. Yeah, I knew this, as did most of the girls I was hooking up with. Let's not pretend that was a bad thing. Young, dumb and full of cum...it was our twenties, if we couldn't have fun then, when would we?

We all have a booty era. My booty era went and came like most, in a fog of drunken stoopers, and, "Who the hell are you, and how did you get in my bed. Wait, where am I, this isn't my bed?" Sound familiar? Yeah, I had them too.

It's like a drug problem for some...it's on and off. We all try to go on the right path, but we take a wrong turn down "Booty Call Lane".

One night I was working and drinking...Not a good combo, but when you're behind the bar, it's kind of like being part of the party. So me and Dave, the other bartender on that night were evaluating the potential in the room. It's objectifying women at its best, or worst depending how many drinks you've had. <---looks up innocently. Truth be told...I only became a bartender for few reasons. Good pay, great hours and picking up girls. Only this night was horrible. Seemed like every girl that came in, came in with a boyfriend, or already had someone's penis in mind. It's like being hungry, and everyone else is eating, and you can only watch. It's a mind fuck. Finally, I start talking to this one girl who kept coming back, and she is all into me. I got the feeling she wanted a little Basil on her arm for the end of the night. Meanwhile, my friend Dave also had his mojo working, talking to a girl who bared a striking resemblance to Chelsea Clinton.

Mind you, I don't think Chelsea was hot, but I always wanted to bang her. Kind of like banging the boss' daughter...only this would be banging the Commander and Chief's daughter. I still get a stiff feeling at the thought of her. But maybe it's a good thing Dave was working her, I swear if I was sleeping with her, I would yell out Chelsea, who's your daddi...make her play in my oral office, playing swallow the leader. But that's just me, I am a little weird.

So, I am basically paying for her drinks at this point...and we are laughing, talking it up, I am surely going home with her...right? Wrong!!!

In comes her boyfriend...who she introduces me too, like haa douche bag. You got me half in the bag, and now he gets to take me home. Of course, she doesn't say that, but I am for sure thinking it. And no sooner do I look over, but Dave is having a laugh at my expense. No new girls are coming in, Dave's Chelsea C. is for sure leaving with him...a little first daughter role-play for that fucker. Yes, I know it's not really Chelsea, but I am sloshed. And I struck out, going home to my hand.
On the cab ride home, I started looking up possible booty call hook ups in my phone, you know sure things. Girls who understand what it is...maybe don't like to sleep alone, maybe unhappy girlfriends. Mind you, these are the old cell phones, no texting except a limited message you had to choose from. Ok, so I go through the list. Now I have to make sure I don't offend anyone. I am trashed, still drinking like a fish, so I am probably not my nicest. It's after 4 am at this point. But there are some sure bets who love them some Basil...right? Ummmm yeah. Sitting on my sofa, I call this one girl and a guy answers. he says:

Guy: Hello?
Basil: Wow, she wouldn't be up for a booty call right now would she? <--I'm such a dick, and so drunk...told you I was rude.Guy: WHAT, WHO IS...
Basil: Click... NEXT!!!
The guy actually star 69's me
Guy: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?
Basil: Dude, did you fuck her?
Guy: WHAT???
Basil: Dude, what's the problem, did you fuck her yet?
Guy: YEAH.
Basil: Well you are doing better than me tonight...now if you will excuse me, I am trying to get laid...and I hang up.
I was still drinking at this point, and I am getting stupider but the sip. I made many many phone calls, then, I get desperate. I take a shot at girl who I really didn't like, but she cheated on her boyfriend for me, so maybe she will feel for me and surrender a mercy lay. Something, anything at this point. I am drunk, stupid and horny as hell, I would take a tug at this point. Hell, just flash me, I will do the rest.

So I call.
Girl: Hello?
Basil: You alone?
Girl: It's almost five in the morning!
Basil, Yeah I'm, I just got home from work, I was thinking about you. <---- LIE!!!Girl: Aww, you were?
Basil: Of course, all night, can I come over?
Girl: Yeah, but I have my period, but we can snuggle?
Basil: Sigh, nahh, forget it.
Girl: Why?

Basil: Because if I don't get laid, I am going to hump the palm of my hand.
Girl: Wait, is this a booty call phone call?

FUCK, What to do, I could lie, or just fess up and hope she respects the truth.

Basil: Yes, I am really drunk and horny, so I am calling you.
Girl: What kind of girl do you take me for?
Basil: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? You had a fight with your boyfriend, used it as an excuse to come over and fuck me, what, now you have morals?
Girl: Well that's never going to happen again, I want someone serious.
Basil: Wow, you're not even that hot to be so offended. <---- Wow, did I just say that out loud?Girl: WHAT...??? Fuck YOU!!!!"

And she hangs up. "I GIVE UP!!! I ended up surfing cable to see if some bullshit porn was on for some self love and fell asleep with my Moses, parting my imaginary pink sea of vagina. Maybe even Chelsea. When I woke up, I must have called every girl in my phone, because my phone was full of messages, so who knows how many more couldn't leave me a nasty message. Turns out that guy called back again, so did a few girls who would have been interested. But even worse than anything I could have done. I woke up to a message from of all people, My Mom. Turns out I left her a dirty message on her phone. She said, STOP DRINKING, you are a pig and these girls you talk to, YOU are going to catch something.

Hahaha, My poor mom. I miss her. She had a long talk with me, and asked me when I became one of those guys. I said, I don't know. didn't you have a time in your life where you just didn't think. She replied: !Yeah, I had you!" OUCH...WTF MOM.

Point taken...I will admit, I am so much more fun when I am drunk, but I leave a lot to be desired at the end of the day. Sober, I went, and hung out with this girl for lunch, where she had me for dinner. Was so much easier to just be real, go out...have conversation and let the moment happen on its own. But it didn't stop there...more stories to come on why I should never Drink, and Date at the same time...Naked

Ok, readers, and worst drunk dial stories. Drunk texts... leave a comment, or I will drunk dial your mother.

Basil...Dating Naked.

Are We Faking the Friendship?

2011-10-25T00:15:00.000-04:00

By Basil LaTorre
Dating Naked Online
Topic: Dishonesty

And sneaking in the back door, Do we sometimes use friendship's just to get closer to another more desired goal?

Depending on whom you ask the answers will vary, but the truth is, it happens more often than you think. We, as human beings, sometimes go through the back door when we are being blocked from the front. What does that mean? It means sometimes the people we want are in committed situations, and using the up-front approach is just not going to get it done. So instead of walking in the front door, and causing messy drama, we quietly sneak to the back, and use friendship in the hopes that we can take advantage of the "Insider's Information Act"to break up the relationship that seemed happy right up until the moment we arrived on the scene.

I know. It sounds horrible and not very nice at all, but honestly, can any of you say it's not true?

You can say "no, I never did it", but you can't say it's not happening. As humans, we are selfish by nature, and I can't deny my own guilt in my past. I honestly didn't even realize I was doing it until it was already in motion, but it's obvious in the advice we give and the poor way we act as friends. I had not even thought about this topic. That was until I had a great conversation with a former writer months back. She had her sights set on a guy who was not available. So she took another course of action. She became his friend with designs on eventually getting him for herself. She let the friendship develop out of her own attraction to the guy.

In some cases, guys and girls can be the best of friends; in other cases, any true platonic relationship is almost impossible. It all depends on how the friendship got started and whether or not there is a physical attraction involved, be it one sided or mutual, and more importantly on the personalities of the individuals at hand. With the likes of social networking such as MySpace and Facebook it's become an even more thought provoking question than ever before. These sites are giving us all a new way to see and speak to people we ordinarily would never have met before. We all have a friends list with that one friend in question, don't we? All women have that one friend their boyfriend or husband has a sneaky suspicion about, maybe a co-worker, but whoever that FRIEND is, you know it's the foreplay and attention you won't admit to.

Everyone denies it, but unless you are a blogger why else are you adding strangers into your little cyber world and calling them friends? What made them pick you to send a friend request to? Why did you pick them? Are we faking the friendships to get to know new people, and why? Why do we need more, and more importantly, from someone who potentially has other intentions? Maybe not everyone, but how can we really know? Is "friendship" a convenient label we give to distract from suspicion? Study the human behavior and you will for sure figure it out. Everyone believes they are the exception. That they can handle the human connection between two people and remain "just friends". And it might have been true at the start, but humans are humans. They tend to develop feelings very fast, and at that point, it becomes a battle of what to do about it and when. I can say that, because I know plenty of girls with that one big secret. I know things that if I named names, shit storms would be brewing across America.

If you want an admission of guilt, I myself have done this. Befriended females who really kind of knew what I wished would happen. Why else did I choose YOU to be MY friend . . . why? Because we can go shoot pool together? Or maybe shoot each other up with some paintballs? Maybe I can back you down on the basketball courts. No. I was attracted to you. I wanted to be in your presence in the hopes that you would feel the same connection. And no, it's not always sex related you suspicious women. Sometimes, we just feel something strong and so we advise you and want to be there for you. It's why you begin to trust in us, when in truth, it should remain private and between you and the person you made a commitment to. But you want to believe that it's just a friendship...some people call that a dick in the jar or greener grass. It's emotional cheating.

Have you ever had a friend with benefits situation, but really wanted more? Did you sell the idea that you were ok with just being casual…only you weren't?

This is a common friendship Fake-A-Roo that goes on between the sexes all the time, and both sexes for different reasons. Women, well, they wear their hearts on their sleeves. They want what they want, and think if the guy just gave it a chance, that the sex will turn into the relationship you really want. Guys, well...we are douche noodles. We know for us to get it in, we sometimes have to give up something we don't want to lose, our freedom. Guys view this as a fair trade. You get your commitment, so that you can have sex without being that girl, and us guys give up the other girls that were making you crazy and stopped you from sleeping with us to begin with. Either way, it all boils down to the same thing, dishonesty and fake intentions.

Have any of you ever watched MTV's The Real World? If you have, did you ever notice how a guy or girl comes into the "real world" situation in a relationship that was supposed to be untouchable? Well, that was until they made it to the "real world", so to speak. A few shots of tequila, and some one on one with your favorite roommate/"friend", and your relationship turns from untouchable to what am I going to do? And then finally, the break up millions tune in for. SMUG-I Got your Girlfriend.

That's social sites, and that's the real world, when you are dealing with the chemistry between humans who all want the same thing. It's unfair to those who are genuine, but who ever really knows who's genuine? Do you think the douchie bags own their douchebaggery? Does a cheating slutty wench own their shit, ever? They wear their lies like a mask, and they don't take it off. So is it really so shocking that people fake friendships to get closer to their secret desires to be with you?

Ask yourself, have you ever used a friendship, or a sexual relationship to get closer to the one you desire? ARE YOU FAKING THE FRIENDSHIP?I have... GUILTY!!!

Basil...Dating Daked

2011-01-10T06:17:00.005-05:00

Unhealthy Relationships.....Run For The Hills!

Dating Naked

Guest Columnist: Nicky

Topic: Toxic Relationships.

You are in a miserable relationship....you are not happy and definitely not being treated the way you should be.

SO WHY IN GODS NAME ARE YOU STILL IN THE RELATIONSHIP?

This seems like such a simple answer and solution, you get out as fast as you can and don't look back right? That would be the right thing to do for your own sanity but why do so many women stay in clearly unhealthy relationships? We have all been in one of these hazardous situations haven't we?

1) You caught your partner cheating and you took them back.
2) You cheated on them and never told them.
3) You were involved in an physically or emotionally abusive relationship and continued to take the abuse.
4)You walked on eggshells for the entire relationship, due to an over critical partner and were afraid to say something that would upset them.
5) You played tug of war with your ex getting back together and breaking up numerous times. They start seeing someone else in between and continue to toy with you by calling you and telling you they care about you.

These are examples of some totally hazardous relationships and yet we have all been there..why? I have been talking to men and women about this topic in preparation for this article and the answer seems to be the same.

Most people are stuck in a bad relationship not because they want to but because they are hanging onto what the relationship used to be. Many people don't wanna admit that they have failed or that they did something to cause this toxic partner to treat them this way. That somehow it was their fault and they deserved it!

You look at the person that is using you as a doormat and suddenly you only see them as what they were...and don't want to let go of that. The truth is that a toxic relationship is just that....harmful and damaging to ones self esteem!

You see yourself as someone who cannot do any better or that you cannot live without this person...even though they are clearly not doing a damn thing for you!
The truth is....None of these examples have a good outcome!

The tough part is to tell yourself that this is not healthy and you need to walk away.
Take it from someone who knows and has been there.....
When you meet the right person, you just know...
Every relationship has its ups and downs and requires effort, but a relationship that is constantly in turmoil and turned upside down is not one you need to be in.....

Head for the hills and don't look back.....

Nicky in The City

Stripping Down Dating Sites

2010-10-14T13:50:00.009-04:00

Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Dating Sites

I can’t figure out if dating in my thirties is bad, or dating in Pennsylvania just blows or if it’s the shitty attitude everyone seems to have about dating.

But for sure, dating sites are sucking the life out of serious-minded women all over. For sure, dating sites have women becoming borderline bi-polar, because they can't seem to tell the good from the bad. I may not be an expert, but I can strip it down, just enough too give you a better understanding of what's out there, and why it's going so badly.

First, it's not just you ladies, it’s men too. All those self-promoting nice guys who are pissed that you all say you want nice guys, yet they can't get a reply or a minute of your time. Deep down, all these self-absorbed men, who know they have better jobs have less of a chance to ever have a better offer on the table, meaning they won't cheat. Knowing that the only thing they have going for them, is this whole nice guy thing, yet they are left with unread, deleted emails. All because your headline on your dating profile read,

"Are there any good ones left?"

See, in that...I don't assume I am, "one of the good ones." I am someone's good one, just not everyone I date. To many, I am a huge disappointment in one form or another. Either I didn't deem you relationship material, or did I fit into your plans. The biggest complaint women have of men and dating sites, is that they are all faking their intentions...and just trolling for pussy. Now that is very true. It's also the most obvious statement ever made...you mean, men are thinking with their dick, really? Who would have thunk it!!

Reality ladies, all men have that thought, even the self-promoting, self-absorbed nice guy's, want to get laid.

But, not every guy who started out promising and didn't work out was player playing a game on you. Sometimes, it's just not there. Sometimes, it takes trial and error, to find out it was a short term, time share situation. And yes, if after sex...men still don't feel a connection, they move on, sometimes without much conversation at all. Because honestly, who wants to rip you apart and make you feel bad. Sometimes, saying nothing or very little, works best...and who are you kidding, it’s women who invented that. As much as that offends you, it's no different than that guy you were talking to, who you declared no more than just a friend. You think he liked that?

So you are wrong, not every guy who didn't work out, was not looking for serious. He just didn't see you as his serious. You win some, you lose some, but you move on. I can't say that my ultimate goal has been accomplished either, so if that's failure, I am failing miserably too, right along with you. Whatever the case may be, my love life is lacking the love, filled with lots of the lust. Bringing me to the biggest complaint most women have of men on dating sites.

"Tired of the games, tired of the bar scene...and most of all, done with the drama." I swear, you all have the same things to say.

At one time, Dating sites were new and viable ways to meet new people. It gave us more variety, more options so that we can better screen out dates. We could talk to multiple people at once, and weed out the ones who we would just end up wasting their time. Then, like everything else...it caught on.

Bar scene drop outs: So you thought by not going to the bar that your level of finding Mr. Serious, Mr. Right would greatly increase? I know, your friend told you some story how she found her new fiancé on match, and how happy she is, so you thought you could drink her Kool-aid...and sign up and find your man?Problem with that is, you're not her friend, and you signed up for the new freebie site. I mean why pay for it when you can just sign up for the free one. The thing with that is, so did all those guys from the bar you got tired of meeting. Most dating sites are overrun by pussy-trolling, booty-call looking guys. They probably out number more serious minded guys by ten to one.

So if you are tired of the bar scene, why are you on the new biggest singles bar in your neck of the woods?

Game on: Games, just saying you are tired of them, makes me think you have too much baggage and kind of invite the games. Let me be frank, when a douch-ie bag reads that, the first thing they see is their next victim. The next girl who is either too stupid, or too naive to see his game coming. You invite it; by showing you have a bad history of it. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and I'm a moron, assume the pos-ish, because you deserve taking it in the ass. Jerk-offs are going to contact you, it doesn't matter how bitchy you sound...you are inviting it by daring the next one. Just learn from your mistakes, shut your mouth, and troll for a husband. Besides that...it's a turn off.

Drama-Lama: It's so funny; it’s always the people who cry out they hate the drama that always seem to have it in their lives. Yet they never seem to understand why. You fucking trolls who date married men...who have wife drama, who have girlfriend drama, who have stalkers...it’s not them, it’s you! It's almost the same thing as those people who hate the games. You don't hate the drama, you love it. You only hate it, when it gets out of control. You are the same mindless cum-dumpsters who need that attention...because that attention is all you have going for you. Just last week, and I won't name names. I had some guy contact me, who also tried friend requesting me just so that he could ask questions about a girl he was slamming at one time.

I knew what it was right away, and contacted my female friend. Turns out he is some married dude that she was a panty dropper for. And he wanted to know what my involvement was with her. That right there, drama...because you allow it and I don't. It's hideous, it's boring...it’s time consuming backwards bullshit. We as potential men in your life can't have anything to do with that. And who's going to take you seriously. If you have to say it out loud, maybe you need to change yourself before the change begins in the men you are going to potentially date.

As a guy, reading profiles, those are the ones I try to avoid. Angry, victimized sociopaths who are probably just as much of the player, as the guys she is claiming to avoid.

If you want to pick out the bad from the good, then stop reading all the emails men send you. Seriously, and do your own search. Contact the guys who interest you. By what they have to say in their profile, what they do... and what they are looking for. But most of all, you know they had no bad intentions, because it was you who found them. You are not just one of the hundred emails guys spam to women a day. Auhh, you didn't know that?

That's the secret men will never admit. Guys don't contact one person at a time. They write out a message, a message that seems to get replies...and copy and paste it to the best looking women in their area, and surrounding areas. Out of the one hundred emails, they are lucky if they get ten replies. But that's nine or ten more than they would have gotten if they just sent out one, to that one girl who they really put time into reading. Now, if you want to read a few emails from someone who is interesting to you, who fits what you think you are looking for, go ahead. But understand, you are just one of many he is waiting to hear back from. I am sure women do the same, or close to it.

Gold diggers, attention whores...boy toy seekers, who only contact the shirtless meatheads who have jersey shore haircuts. There is a girl on my page, who talks to as many guys as she can on her dating site and adds them to her Facebook...and she has like four thousand friends. She is an attention whore...Why? Because the more men she has, the better she feels about herself. It's not to be taken seriously...you might bump uglies with her, but she is not to be taken seriously. It’s all a game and we are all players in it. We are playing the field. Both men and women.

In closing, stay away from the newly divorced males and females. Although they are different creatures, they both share one common thing: they are not looking to jump right back into serious. Women might say they are, but take it from me, they are not. The first sign of anything commitment like, and they are out the door, and on their divorce papers, like it’s a magic carpet ride.

You have to remember, these are people who may have been married for ten or more years. Dating sites, and Facebook...and options, are all new to them. They will explore it all, before they commit again. If you are okay with that and know that they will not be closing out their profiles, while dating you, then enjoy. But I met a girl, who told me about her situation with a divorced guy...and she couldn't figure it out. He was introducing her to his kids, taking her out on his boat down the shore, and spending all kinds of money on her. Enough for her to close out her profile, and pay attention to just him, only he didn't. He was still testing the market...when she asked me about it. I asked her two questions...How long has he been divorced and how long was he married. She said he has been divorced for a year, and was married sixteen years.

And there's your answer, 16 years ago, there weren’t dating sites like we have today. He has money, and he has options, and options he will explore before he takes the dive down commitment lane. As long as girls are emailing him, he will explore it. Remember, it’s a dating site, not a relationship site. There is a difference. Some people want to date, and other's date for a commitment. Make sure you ask the prerequisite questions that are important to you...and remember, it’s not a guarantee, just a tool, full of tools.

Basil

Dating Naked

You Get What You Paid For

2010-10-12T19:44:00.008-04:00

"Write about guys cheating on their other half. Instead of just breaking it off, why do they stay & continue to cheat? I'm blessed with the gift of always finding out, but too many of my friends have been through it. So tell me, oh wise one! What's the deal?"

Dating Naked

Writer: Basil Latorre

Topic: Cheating

Let's not pretend, you didn't know that already.

Let's say we lived in a perfect world, and we don't. But let's say we did...there would be no cheating, no lying. No secrets and most of all, no mistakes. But we don't live in that world. Not only that, it's not men that cheat, genders don't cheat, people cheat and for different reasons. I am all for the school of...break up before you cheat. It's one of my rules. But let's stay on that male-hating, male-blaming thing we have going here in this question.

For every guy who is cheating on his other half, there is a female helping with that problem.

Some girl, who wants what you have, doesn't even care that he can do it to her later. She just wants what she wants, and what you have. Women are part of the problem. And don't give me the, "Well, what if the girl didn't know?" They know.

But to answer the question of why, there are a bunch of answers. One answer is of the guy who wants to be selfish, and explore what is happening, but he doesn't want to destroy or hurt you. Another answer is...You have a man, who again, wants to explore his selfish side, but doesn't want to rock the boat and create a fire storm. An angry wife or girlfriend, can create havoc...because we have all heard the saying, a woman scorned; hide the money and knives...lol.

And then there is the most hated. the really selfish guy. The one who before he leaves you, and tells you the truth, he needs to make sure that the girl he is cheating on you with, is going to be there after you. All men have heard the stories of that girl we left our wives for, who didn't want him as much as she did while he was taken. That guy who is like, "But I left my wife and family for you...what do you mean it's over?" The guy who proves my theory, that you are only as good as his options.

Then we move to the part of this blog where I make sense of the title. "You Get What You Paid For"

The part that says, you know what...you knew what you were getting, when you got it. Half of all the girls who get cheated on, knew their man was capable of it. Those girls who love a guy everyone else wanted and still wants, but you love that he chose you. The ego boyfriend.

You other girls also know you have a guy, who has no self-esteem. No real confidence to turn down a hot girl who wants to blow him in the bathroom of the bar he goes to. At some point, when you do you ladies own up to your choices?

Let me be real, I have dated some shady ladies, who I knew were all relationship jumpers. The kind of girls who jump from one relationship, back to an old one... back to you, and forward to the next guy who she deems as her next on her wish list of forever happiness. I have dated the girl who dated up, over me for a guy who made more money. Or the girl who doesn't know what she wants. The thing is, I didn't act all shocked..."Oh my god, how did this happen to me? I never saw this coming, fucking bitch!!!"

I knew, and like most of you...had hoped that I could somehow change their nature. You never do, and you take them as the risks that they are, or not at all. Look, we get no guarantee...or do they have one from you? I know you think you gave one...Why, just because you said so....Really? I remember talking to one of my friends, and asked...why did you do it...Why did you cheat on her? He had no idea, and said, I never thought I would and told her that much...I mean, I meant it when I said it.

People change when we meet people who change us. I know that's just not enough for the walking wouned out there. It just has to be that all men suck, they suck at life, they suck at being commited. They suck at sucking. I mean, that's what you all want to hear, right?

Truth is, You are just angry, that you weren't enough for your man to say no. And it hurts, it hurts that he needed something else, in someone else and you want to rip his face off, shit on it..flush it down the toilet, film it..and post it on Youtube, for other angry cheated on women to watch and hoot and holla at. You all need to create a group...Just call it "pissed off."

And for the very few, who really thought they picked an exceptional man, and he wronged you...I am truly sorry. You probably deserved better. But there are other women out there, whose husband cheated, and he lied, and he didn't tell you once it started...or before. But you know what, you deserved it. There are women out there, who treat their men like they are stupid, and like they garbage. Women who nag, and complain, and it didn't matter that they work hard, you are just miserable people. Don't think as a gender, think about it.

You mean to tell me, you don't have a male friend, who you kind of understood why he did what he did, and you support him, because you know her?

People cheat, not men...and not just women. And no one is honest about it. Or is it some conspiracy planned out long ago, and tag, you're it? I mean, it's nothing to be proud of. It happens, but you move on the best you can...one foot in front of the other, and you leave it behind you...and not on to the next guy who just might be genuine when he says, "I don't want to look past you."

Basil

Dating Naked

Spitting Out the Old Gum

2010-10-07T16:15:00.004-04:00

Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Moving on

...and chewing a new piece. Ever eat an old piece of gum for too long, yet you kept chewing that same piece? The flavor was gone. And you have been staring at a new piece in the pack for hours.

Well, when it comes to relationships, it seems as if the gum has lost its flavor, yet we can't seem to spit it out for that new piece. I know what you are thinking...how incredibly shallow is he to compare chewing gum to being in a long term relationship. But really, there is a close paradox between the two. It's a matter of knowing when to let go. Some people do it out of habit. It's just normalcy. But when the taste is gone, it is gone...NO?

I am all about time, and the amount we get in this life. And I will tell ya, it’s a mere blink of the eye and it’s over. Time is a gift, some say...or maybe it’s a curse? It feel's like a tease if you ask me. I want what you all want. Pure joy and happiness. I want high doses of bliss in a bottle of love crack. I want to get strung out on attention. I want be surprised for no reason, just because you wanted to do it for me. Most of all, I want to be looked at the same way you looked at me when we first met. I want stares and smiles, groping and kissing...the kind you need to take a moment and catch your breath. I want the sexy text messages at any given moment of the day. Followed by a horny, go sit down...I’m jumping your face, hello, I'm home greeting.

I want sex on tap...for no other reason than you can't get enough of me.

I want to be inspired every day...I don't want days off, I never want to stop dating, I don't care that we got married and had kids. I want flavor that doesn't stop giving. And from what I’ve noticed, everyone is chewing stale, old gum that stopped giving long ago; only you can't spit it out.

I guess I am the anti- Dr. Phil...the guy that says, “You know what? You had your chance...NEXT!!!”

Don't get me wrong, I believe everyone deserves a chance to get it right...to be heard. And maybe, just maybe, you share the blame in the failure of your relationship. Maybe instead of saying nothing, you should have spoken up sooner and actually put meaning behind what you felt in the first place. I know I am the first to spit out old gum, even before the taste is gone. Lie to me, and I am unforgiving. I guess I come from that school, where you better back up what you believe, or be ready to be walked on.

Let’s be real, relationships aren't what they use to be...or what we were told. And really, who knows what they use to be. I mean, if our grandparents met today, they might very well be divorced. You can't say one way or the other. But for me...what people call hard work, I call being lazy. When did something that used to be so easy for us, become hard work?

No, it's not hard work; you just stopped feeling it...you, or maybe both. I am sorry, but I can't buy into that thought, that relationships are work. But in the beginning, dating wasn't work...wanting to impress someone, that wasn't work. Getting a blow job, in the car one late drunk night...that wasn't work. Getting her preggers, that wasn't work...hell, when you didn't think about it, it was kind of easy, when you want something, it’s all easy. I know some Mom is saying, raising a kid, that’s hard work. But you know what? Shut up...if you are both working together, it’s not hard work; it's a pleasure, a gift.

You know why it’s hard? It's because you really don't want to anymore, at least with that person. And either out of guilt, or obligation, or both, you have to do this tedious act, when you rather do something else. I have an Aunt, who last year said, who says you always have to be happy? And I love her, I really do...but I felt kind of sad for her. And she is a God-loving woman, but you have to wonder if she just gave up at some point, and has accepted her fate in life’s choices.

If you are reading this, and don't like what you are reading...and starting to believe I am just some commitment-phobe, well, you would be wrong. I want more than any one you will ever meet...to have happily ever after. In saying that, I won't make it up as I go, if I made a mistake and the gum/relationship, has lost its flavor, then it’s time to spit it out, and chew a new piece. Because in my heart of hearts, I believe that we can always fix the now. But we can't go back, and say...coulda-shoulda-woulda.

In closing, life is short...so much so, it should be a crime. We only get one shot at this thing we call life. And if we don't put importance on it, then who will? How many of you have a friend who put effort into their marriage or relationship, only to be left holding the bag once they found someone else who is that new piece of gum? Maybe, you are that friend.

It's that, "beating a dead horse to death" analogy...only some of you are not just beating the horse, you are shocking it, giving it mouth to mouth, grabbing its balls and pulling...cherry picking the poor fucking dead horse. But it's dead. And so is your relationship. Dude cheated, he has ignored your cries for help...he has verbally abused you,he doesn't help out. Is that what you signed up for? If your relationship is starting to taste like old gum, maybe it’s time to let it go.

Basil
Dating Naked

Dating Down, What's YOUR Worth?

2010-10-05T16:36:00.011-04:00

Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Self worth

When did we start dumbing it down for companionship?

I guess it's a legacy left to us by our parents, who got together just to spite their parents. We all talk about what we won't put up with, what we won't do and who we will allow into our lives. Yet, almost to the script, we all settle for less than what we started out wanting. But how and why?

How and why starts off when we lose sight of our own self worth...when we devalue what's always been important to us. Core things that should never ever be compromised. We all have them...although different with each individual; we all have deal breakers that make us who we are. I have my own set of deal breakers...that absolutely cannot, will not ever be compromised. Those things make me who I am, and will shape me into who I will be down the line. Does that make me perfect...hell no. I am far from perfect and far from being check marked. But there comes a time, when you move on from that past, and grow into that person we set out to be.

With the tender age of thirty-five staring me down. I have realized my own self worth...and my past has little or no bearing on what I want in a partner.

With that, comes growth...and growth takes discipline. Something I have never been great at, and most people who know me, will agree and are probably nodding their head as they read this. Girls have always been my weakness...in many ways, my life's work.

In that, I deserve the best person who fits who I am today, and where I am going tomorrow. A person with her own set of values...just as important to her, as mine are for me. Your past also has little or no bearing on my choice of you. It's where you are today and where..."You" want to be tomorrow, that means everything. In saying that...if you are still dumbing it down today...as you were even a few years ago...then you offer me nothing in the way of a future. If time has taken it's toll, and you have no belief in a future of your own. So much so, you make bad choices now, then I can't help but look past you.

If you are dating, and falling for married men, if you are still sleeping with an ex, or if you are bedding random men who offer you nothing but that night; then what do you expect a guy to do...or see? If that's where you are and don't want a relationship...hey, more power to you. Nothing's wrong with being single and loving it. The problem is, it becomes who you are. Who you are, is what you are presenting to each person you meet.

I know what you are thinking...Don't judge me. But I'm not; I am just taking accountability for my life...wants, goals and values. Because if I don't, who will?

Our teenage years...well, they were fun. Our twenties... are all about learning that we don't know everything we thought we knew...and where we learn from those mistakes. But once we hit thirty, if we still haven't figured it out, then when will we?

If you say...I want a relationship, and not a bedroom partner...because you don't do that, and you are bedding the same guy, who has offered you nothing in the way of a relationship...then you are not reflecting your values. You have in turn, devalued them...only devaluing yourself to someone who just might be that potential life partner. If you are dating bottom feeders, and are a single mom dating a guy who has a prison record, you are dating down. If you are dating a junky, because you are tired of being alone, you are dumbing it down. If you are dating the same bar slobs who are divorced and only interested when they are drunk and stupid…what message are you sending other men?

You are quickly removed from being, potential...and become the pass-the-time girl. A time-share. And you only get a little.

That might be unfair...Just like it's unfair that some people who read my past, judge me on that today. But in that, at least I know that they take their time, their life seriously. I once heard a bunch of people talking about how we all like to date a little crazy. All I could think to myself to say was, "You wonder why you are all unhappy later." But what also dawned on me is, some of these same people who like a little crazy, are a little crazy.

Let's be real, the jealous date the jealous types. People who love drama surround themselves in drama. People who need to fight can't date someone timid. They need a running partner who can spark the most insane outburst. If you are constantly breaking up or all relationships ending the same, then it shows you put little or no time into learning from the past...why? Because you hold no value in your time, or to your heart; making you hard...inside and out.

But then you have the people who want better, who want calm, who are in the most insane relationships going, who ask themselves why they can't find someone normal. Well, why did you let the stupid fuck into your life in the first place? "When did you start dumbing it down?"

If you are a woman, who wants normal...who wants a family and to settle down, then why in the hell do you let repeat serial cheaters stay in your life? Where is the worth in that? Where is the value you are supposed to have on yourself? And honestly, why would anyone give you value and treat you with respect, if you let it slide?

All of us have a basic idea of the person we want to be with. When do we own that...when do with put value on our belief in happy?

In closing...What's my worth? What do I deserve and why? Well, I deserve honesty, with me and with her. I deserve a woman who wouldn't compromise the integrity of our relationship with a lie, because if I am the end all to be all...of a man you couldn't look past. Then you shouldn't have to lie.

I deserve the ultimate role model for our future children. A person who wouldn't do anything she wouldn't want her children to do. And who lives by that code. Who understands we had that single selfish time, and now, it's about them...it’s about family. A person who would lie down, and die for her kids...if that was needed. Just like me. But who wouldn't lie down, and die...a fighter.

I deserve everything and more, which I put in...I deserve a relationship-ready girl, who is over it...and wants what I want. Who doesn't let the bullshit that life throws at us, rattle her belief...her desire for something more...something amazing. You are what you surround yourself with. Other than that, excuses are all bullshit. The only excuse is, you just stop caring. We all have to sleep in the bed that we made. That’s my worth, what's yours?

Basil
Dating Naked

We're Only As Good as Their Options?

2010-09-30T14:33:00.004-04:00

Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Relationship/Options

Life is short, and relationships can be short-lived if you begin to take it for granted. Relationships all have expiration dates...At least in this day and age, people have short memories.

What have you done for me lately, isn't that the expression? I like to say, "We're Only As Good as Their Options." It's mean, but it's honest. I mean, that's what we all say we want, right? I wonder how true that really is.

Today, we learn about the failure of relationship values. Let's face it, half of you, never had any to begin with. Another 25% only think they have it, and the other 25% have it for only so long, until the next best thing comes along. I am convinced that's what it is. We all have short memories, and that's okay. It's okay to expect what it is you fell in love with in the first place. It's okay to feel you are being short-changed. It's okay to wish you had a sex life. It’s okay to expect conversation. In saying that, have you ever wondered how it got to the point of living without all of that?

It's easy to figure out why people need options. It’s easier to throw something away, than it is to put it back together; to fix it.

It's easier to fall in love with someone else that reminds you of what you once had. It’s easier to laugh with someone else, than it is to fight with you. It’s easier to have an affair, than it is to ask why we aren’t having sex. Relationships reach a stalemate period. When that happens, both parties weigh their options. Sometimes those options are being researched while still in the relationship. While you are ignoring the problem there is a person trying on your shoes, your clothing, your bed, in turn...your relationship, fits like a glove.

A while back, during the MySpace day's...I blogged about a girl who was having an affair with a guy who was engaged to another woman. There were some very strong comments and opinions about both parties. He was the perfect example of someone who was weighing his options, while having a safe option at home. The fiancé was lacking in the bedroom, so he had someone he can probably get to do anything. Someone who will bed and drop at need; a panty-dropper who is using her vagina to lure your man away from you.

It's a dog eat dog world, everyone is out for what they can get.

If you are wondering, why does he not just be with the girl on the side, let the bedroom disaster go? The girl on the side is lacking too, the only thing she has going for her is that he knows she will bark, and fetch for his pleasure. While she is great to pass the time with, she is not relationship material. If she were, he would break off the engagement, and make her it!!

He will continue to shop around and weigh his options until something comes along that he can't pass up. Until then, he will string along both girls while he is probably testing the market for something better.

If you are in a relationship, and entertaining other offers, you are guilty of doing this very same thing. And without revealing or ratting anyone out; it's happening on social networking sites every single day. MySpace/facebook are the Wal-Mart of options for a lot of us. NO one does unhappy for very long... eventually the laws of average will catch up to you, and if you're not looking...They are.

On the flip side…Grenade Gone Wild. To prove it's about options, I will unveil a story of a grenade who shed her shrapnel...and became datable by options, previously not interested. Now mind you, this girl wasn't fat by any means. I mean, I think she could still look down, and see her vagina...where it's my belief, once you can't look down and see her, you have officially gone, one pound too heavy.

Close your mouths, I said it...it's the same for guys too. Once we can't see over the hill, and see the mushroom cap, it’s time to officially attack the Slimfast shake and start running a mile. Immediately!!!

But getting back to the GGW, this was a person, who wanted a relationship, but couldn't get it...Ohh she could get laid. But no one wanted to stick around and grow old and big with her. Finally one day, she found what she was looking for, a boyfriend...only unlike most girls and guys in a relationship, she didn't put on relationship pounds, she lost some. And that's when guys, previously not interested, started giving her the one true thing she always wanted...Attention.

The more options she had, the less she wanted the guy who looked past her plumpness. Finally, she did what everyone would do in her position. She dumped her boyfriend for quantity, and, not quality...options she never had before. And as much as she preached she wanted a loyal, good -hearted man, who wanted what she wanted...in the end, she just wanted the men who rejected her. Options give us a false sense of security...although she can get guys; she still can't keep them...because today, she is chronically single.

If you always had options, it’s nothing at all to turn it down. But you have to wonder about those who never did, and what would they do, if suddenly they had something so above their norm, that they could turn it away. In some ways, I think we are all a product of settling...because you just never know. And in saying that, what do you think your partner would do, if something previously unattainable, wanted to be with them. Just how confident are you with the person you are in love with? Are you, only as good as their options?

Topic of conversation: Do you agree, or disagree with the end of my blog? Do you think we are all a product of settling?

Do you think we are only as good as their options?

And just how far would you go, to find out. Would you set your partner on a collision course with someone you know they would find attractive, just to see how they would react?

Would YOU, really want to know?

Basil

Dating Naked

To Friend, or to Boyfriend?

2010-02-01T10:10:00.003-05:00

Hey Basil - What do you do if your boyfriend hates all your friends, and your friends hate your boyfriend? What do you do in that situation? Feels like a lose/lose situation if you ask me? Thanks, Marissa

Basil - Well, it is a situation, but to me...an easy one to figure out. This is a classic tug-of-war over loyalty. The boyfriend wants to know if it's all about him, or if you are tied to your friend's opinions. And your friends see someone who is different and who wants you to pull away from them. In both cases, they are both selfish in what they are doing. Maybe your friends like the ex, and have hopes you will return to that person. And the boyfriend, knows he is the outsider, and could give a rat's ass, because he knows he can't change their feelings. The question remains, is he really making you happy?

If he is, and you are not ignoring the issue of "sometimes love just blinds you" until something happens and you then see what everyone was talking about the whole time. If that's not the case, then you need to have a sit down with the friends. And ask them to be fair, and let you and your relationship grow, without the tug of war or guilt of being with him. On the flip side, maybe if the boyfriend cared, he would make an effort to show them that he is the right person for you. They don't have to love each other, just co-exist. And maybe, just maybe...mutual respect will evolve.

I trust all my friends' judgment because they know me better than anyone. Above all though, it's my decision. A decision I will have to live with, and whether or not it's the wrong one, better make the wrong decision yourself, than to look back knowing someone else made the wrong one for you. That's what being an adult is about. If it's your really good friend that knows you and he or she has a legitimate reason for not liking him, you should question that and really look into it. But that's it. They are there to advise you, not make choices for you. A "REAL" friend, will know that.

The NAKED truth
Basil, Dating Naked

The NAKED Truth...He Wants Space

2010-01-15T17:49:00.003-05:00

Dear Basil, what does it mean when he says he wants space after six years of being together and having a child? Signed anonymous.

Dear Anonymous...would love to tell you he is just going through stuff, and he needs space to work it all out. But I would only be doing that to soften the blow that he is probably talking to someone else who has his attention. And that maybe, you sense this, and might be hovering over his every move. So by asking for space, he gets to explore it. Leaving you as the fall-back option. My question to you is, has he ever cheated on you? Do you break up a lot?

She replied that they always fought, and that he left her for another woman about a year ago for about three months.

My question in return was, why did she take him back after that, and why does she not know what "I need space means?" It's pretty obvious that he has his eyes open for new options. That he has little respect for her, and that she does not value herself like she should. Why would anyone take being the fall-back option if you had any value of one's self?

The answer is simple, she is afraid to have to start all over, as a single Mom, and that she has little or no self worth. I don't mean that as an insult as much as I am meaning to slap some sense into her. Beyond him being the father of her child, he offers her nothing tangible. Just a warm body she is used to having around so that she doesn't have to be alone. I think it's honorable for parents of children to work things out, but when is enough, really enough?

She went on to ask, so would I look stupid if I moved on?

I replied, I think you would look stupid if you didn't. Kind of desperate he would settle on you, or things wouldn't work out...and you would be the fall-back girl. Who wants that? I mean really, chances are, he is probably a tool...and the girl he is talking to will see that, unless she is a walking cum dumpster with no intelligence whatsoever. Even if by some odd chance, there isn't another girl, I think it's an insult that after you took him back, he has the ball sack to ask you for space. If by some chance, that was me...she would have just signed her walking papers. "You want space, I got space for ya!!!"

My advice, give it to him. Only that space should be forever. Because believe me when I tell you, this ship has sailed, and you are holding on to the past, and not the current situation. Maybe he is doing nothing wrong, but maybe it's you. Maybe you are suffocating the life from him and the relationship; he needs to get away from you. Who wants to have a relationship, where all you do is fight? Maybe, you are not the girl you once were. Maybe you suffocate him because you know this, and you are trying to stifle him from meeting anyone else and leaving you like he did before. Maybe, just maybe...you outgrew each other. Maybe he needs you to set him free, if you love someone, you might just have to love him enough to set him free if that's what he wants and needs. At this point, he would only being staying because he feels badly, or he doesn't think he could do better. Would you really want him after knowing that? If so, what does that say about you?

In closing, there are three sides to every story, Your side, his side and the truth. That's why I needed to place some blame on you. Somewhere in the middle of it all, lies the truth. The glaring thing that came out of this, is he left you before. The best revenge in this situation is this, work on yourself. Prove to him, and to yourself, that you can do it without him. That you, were the better option he can't have back. The only thing that matters at this point is how you two act for the kid. To move on without trying to destroy one another. If only for the kid you two made when you were in love, or in lust.

What's Space ?

Are the sexes so different, that we have different meanings for the infamous request “I need some space”?

Many times the woman’s definition of "I need space" is different from the man’s definition of this request. So it's not rocket science to figure out why women are confused when a guy puts that out there. When women are in committed relationships, very seldom are they looking for space, anything but.

Now that is not to say that you don’t have your women players out there looking to have a good time, while trying to hold down a relationship on the sneak.

For the most part, women don't ever want to give their man too much time to think of a reason why he shouldn't be committed to her. So if your woman was to tell you that she needs her space, what is it she is asking for exactly? I think it's a safe bet to say, she is weighing her options. Space can mean that she needs time to think about what she’s doing with a guy like you and whether or not the relationship is worth her time. Maybe you were the timeshare during a lonely period of her life.

I need space can simply mean...get out of my face and out from up my ass, meaning you might be a little too attached for her liking.

Needing space sometimes means that she needs time to be away from the stress of the relationship and just needs some “her” time. That's what they would tell you. 'Me' time means, I want to be single, but I am not sure. I need space so that I can figure that out, all while leaving you twisting in the wind.

Last but not least, I need space can mean that she is trying to get your attention by scaring you into thinking that she might not want to be with you. Using the threat to get more out of you than you were giving before. Maybe the relationship has gone on long enough, and now she needs to know she is in it for the long haul. The threat of space, might just get the ring she was looking for, or, the answer she has been going over in her mind. Will he ask me at all, or will I be that long term girlfriend who never got it, while the next bitch gets my ring?

I need space can basically mean a whole lot nothing at all, or a whole lot of insecurity.

On the flip side, men don't ask for space unless, A...There is an option they are interested in. B... You are so far up his ass, you know what he had for a snack earlier that day. C... He is ready to put an end to what has been a debate going on in his head for awhile. You see, men don't need the threat of space to get more out of you, because getting more out of you has never been a problem. Men don't have to wait for the ring. So we don't have that issue. And space, just means go find a hobby, I love being with you, but not every fucking second of the day. Any way you spell it out, space, is never a good thing.

NAKED!!!

Basil

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater, blah, blah, BLAH!

2009-12-01T21:29:00.002-05:00

Do you think that's true, or are you bitter and need to tell yourself that because you don't have any other answers?

Let me be the first to give you the NAKED truth...Yes, he or she cheated. They betrayed a trust and now, you are a bitter little pill about the whole thing. But let's not become a cliche', and start ranting about cheaters, and how "Once a cheater, always a cheater". Sure, be angry...but you are missing the glaring fact, that he or she, wasn't it for you, or they wouldn't have. They did you a favor, because, do you really want to be with someone who cheats first, breaks up later?

I know, I know...You want answers, why do people cheat?

Well, there is not just one reason...depends on the sex. No, not sex lives, although, that is one of the reasons people cheat, they are not getting laid. But what I meant was the sex, male or female. Men, tend to cheat for very different reasons. Men are simple creatures...there is no mystery to the sex, although to women...we as men, are a science they have yet to master. That is true, because you have yet to learn to think like us, and not a woman. It just might be dangerous for you to even do so. But men cheat for the simplest reasons you could ever imagine. Why?

They just couldn't say no!!!

It's the truth...men just can't turn away the opportunity. Most guys have only heard about the sex lives their friends have had, or what they see on TV. For men, it's almost an urban legend. The hot new girl at work, she only fucks the boss...right? Or, the girl on the business trip...that doesn't really happen? Auhh, but it does, and until men are faced with the opportunity...they are not lying when they say they wouldn't cheat. You will hear men deny it, even catch attitude when generalized about being a dog, like every other guy. But what's he supposed to say?

Yeah, honey...I do love you, but, I am only as faithful as my options?

No, he's not going to say that, he is going to make you feel as secure about his commitment to you as he possibly can...because he doesn't know the future any more than you do. You might be married til death do you part, or until some other girl's legs part. I get the feeling sometimes, women think it was a plot from day one. Lure them in, give the woman a false sense of security, then bring in the new babes. For guys who cheat on their wives, it was as much a surprise to the guy, as it was to the wife. I think women give men too much credit a lot of the time. We really aren't that clever, not that some men aren't. Some are masters of the game. But really, men are as stupid as we are when we leave the porno in the DVD player..."I don't know how that got there?"

Men are always going to be weak to women with amazing bodies and a sexual appetite that she can verbalize. Men, just can't say no, not all men...there is a very very small number of guys who make a commitment, and won't budge. But even they have a weakness, a weakness I would love to put to the test, when they have no idea they are being tested...watch them fall under the pressure. I know that's mean, but I just always have to be right...and I know I am. <---my reality TV show idea... lol

It's my version of Punk'd...call it, Bust'd. Right when the guy is about to cheat, the wife jumps out and screams, BUST'ed...that's when I come out like Ashton, right behind her. lol

For most guys, it's not a matter of being faithful, but a matter of how many options they have. Look at a rockstar, or a rap artist...actors. They all have options, and that's why they move from commitment to commitment. Brad had Jennifer, did a movie with Angelina...Marriage over. Look at Jon and Kate, plus eight. The guy suddenly got a little bit of fame, and he was dipping it in every option he could, plus the nanny.

If you ask some women, that's because they are dogs...pigs and whatever name you can think of as an insult. But that's anger talking...bitterness that you weren't enough...weren't enough to turn away the options. It is a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes, we are just not enough, doesn't matter how hard you try.

It's not just about options, it's about staying young, by changing what's old around you.

Other men cheat, well...because the wife got old...physically, and mentally. She is nothing like the girl he married...she dresses differently...wears her hair differently. She is insecure about her own immortality. Maybe a little bitchy. Simply put, guy meets a girl, who reminds him of the wife he use to be in love with, and in lust with. Love loses its luster, when the lust fades...don't lose sight of that very important fact.

On the flip side, women cheat for more complicated reasons.

For women...this is where it gets tricky. Young girls cheat, because well, they are young and probably shouldn't be in a relationship. I tell my younger cousins all the time, from 17 to 25, be single...screw being in a relationship, they just hold you down. From school, from life, from friends. From going places. I see it all the time, kids trying to be adults when they have no business doing so. But that's because society confuses them. Young people want to get laid, just like everyone else. But society dictates that you should be in a commiment, that commitment sex is better...religion tells us to wait till we are married. You have teens, having babies and getting married, before they even know what they are getting into. So of course you are going to heve a break down in relationships, and when it breaks down, wolves like myself, sneak in the back door. Age is the major reason cheating exists.

Wrong guy, wrong time.

Sometimes, it's as simple as being with the wrong guy, yet not wanting to be alone. And then someone comes along, that rattles everything right down to the foundation of your family, and relationship. You might even push it away at first, but curiosity gets the better of us, almost every time.

Last but not least - PEOPLE cheat, because something is missing from the one who promised to be everything we needed. Men stop dating women, once we have them. Women become full time mommies before they have their first child. He is called the husband. The sex, the passion, all disappear over time, but the woman's sex drive doesn't. In fact, it goes up, and men's penis's start to go down, and stay down. But women won't leave or stray just because of that, they might talk shit about him to her BFF. But she won't cheat. They cheat, when the romance leaves and is forgotten. When they feel neglected and taken for granted. They cheat with the guy friend, who always listens, who plays the part she wishes the husband played.

Some women, well, they just cheat like guys do, because she could. Because the opportunity presented itself. I once interviewed a happily married woman, who had a great sex life, great husband and father. Yet, she felt she needed someone else when she got bored, to keep her marriage fresh and new. She was content, and felt strongly that her hubby would never find out, and as of today, he still hasn't.

I have slept with all three female examples. After me, they left their husbands and boyfriends...eventfully met someone else and are happy, and not cheating. Give someone happy, and they won't cheat. So, the idea of, once a cheater, always a cheater...created by angry women who hate the fact that someone they trusted, and loved...betrayed them. I cheated in high school...yet, my whole eight year relationship, I never cheated once. It's not a science.

In closing, what I come away with is this...people make mistakes, in people. Over age, over not really getting to know who they are with. Over not living a good single life, before they make a commitment. I know guys who cheated on the wife. Married a second time, and are as happy as they ever were in the first marriage. Same for women. Then there are those, who are just not meant to be tied down. And you know what, it took a few broken hearts to realize it. That's life. But I understand why some people need to believe cheaters will always be cheaters...But you can say the same thing to those ex-boyfriends who spent years with you, and never gave you a ring, but did so to the next girl, under a year. Bitterness...NAKED!!!

Basil Latorre

Dating Naked

The Proposition...One Night Role-Play

2009-11-20T08:05:00.006-05:00

Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Roleplay/Rape Fantasy

My time online, I have seen it all and just about heard it all. I have even been propositioned.

Most of the time, being propositioned for sex is a good thing if you are a single, horny guy on the prowl for no-string's attached girl-"friends." I mean, most men are, but some won't admit to that fact. Truth is, every single guy is up for that...with the right non-committal girl of course. They just don't make enough of those girls after college. After college, girls tend to start looking for the serious guy. Non-committal girls are the rarity, so when you find one...enjoy her, it won't happen a lot.

When I first signed up for Myspace... some time in 2004, early '05, I was friend-requested by this one girl who enjoyed reading my lame, boring old blogs I had just posted. This was before I figured out this blogging thing. Who am I kidding, I still haven't figured it out! But she liked it. This is where I learned Myspace was full of interested women looking for fun flirting...and of course, love. I was more interested in the fun and flirting. Love was a disease I wasn't interested in catching. I learned pretty fast that it was spreading-like Swine flu. Thank God I had the H1N1 vaccination called the recent ex-girlfriend to remind me I didn't want any part of that.

This girl wasn't looking for her next hit of love crack on Myspace...she was looking for her next hit of E, ME!!

It was all heavy flirting and innuendos from the start. That's how it always starts. You start out with small doses of flirting...where it leads to more intense, more in your face kind of flirting. Pretty soon, you are talking dirty and what you want to do to her, followed by her reply of filth and what she is going to do to you in return. It was great, she wanted love and a relationship about as much as I did. I thought it could be all smoke and mirrors, but the more we talked, I got the idea she just wanted to get it pounded and cum a lot. We did a little photo sharing...phone sex. She was really wild, with the pulling my hair stuff, push me around, but I didn't think anything of it, some girls like it that way. So, I told her I would grab the back of her neck, bend her over and finger her from behind...She loved it, the more aggressive I got, the more she got into it.

After awhile, I began to learn that she really wasn't, or couldn't be satisfied sexually. And like any guy, we all think we can be the one to give it, and give it to her good.

I know what you girls are thinking. Where have I heard that before?

What are we supposed to say though ladies?

No, you're right, probably can't fuck you retarded, let me hit it anyway? That's hot...but again, like all guys, I really did think I could. At this point in my life, I had already tried and been having sex long enough where I knew where I was king, and where I needed help. And let's face it, we all think we have the magic wand for a cock...hocus pocus, YOU have multiple orgasms. Abra cadabra - SQIURT!!!!

I might even be able to convince you I can pull a rabbit out, but that might also scare you. So I will stick with the orgasms.

She was into me, but she still didn't seem convinced, and I really wanted to fuck her now. Even just out of curiosity...what's the worst thing that could happen, I can't? I would just blame her, and go about my business, smirk. I mean that's what us guys do anyway to save face...we blame the vagina not being functional.

So one night, the conversation takes a wild twist. She finally gets curious enough to meet up, I mean we both live in NYC. She starts asking me questions about roleplay, and how aggressive I can be...I mean, what, she wants me to pull hair, throw her around. I got that. She wants a good sport fuck.

But no, for us to have sex, she wanted to know if I would rape her in some funky roleplay craziness. Now I have heard of rape fantasies. But not with an actual stranger. But it gets even more crazy, seems as if this is the only way she can get off...to be punched, surprised and then raped while she tries to fight back.

I said: Whoah Momma - What the fuck are you talking about?

She said: I want you to rape me and hurt me...punch me in the face and fuck me.

I said: Did we have issues as a kid...are you kidding, or just fucking crazy?

She said: Not crazy, I can't get off any other way.

I said: Ok, well, do YOU think I'M crazy, what makes you think I would ever agree to that?

She said: Well, you talk a good game, prove it.

I am imagining me in hand cuffs, crying as they take me away for rape...screaming, she wanted it, I swear.

I said: That takes serious trust...let me ask you, do you do this with everyone, since you can't get off?

She said: Sometimes I go out and do this...with strangers I meet at clubs. You would be surprised how many guys enjoy doing it.

I couldn't get past the idea of jail, and that I really didn't know this girl, or who she was, or was about. And most of all, punching her. Like I said, I can throw you around, on the bed...be forceful. Pull your hair while I control you. But actually punching her...Yikes. I took a pass on the idea of the worst possible outcome. And that was, that she said it wasn't consensual. I am not above playing out a rape fantasy, but that requires trust, and knowing your partner. And signing a letter of consent wouldn't hurt either, for that matter,or talking into a video camera that you agreed to it.

She promptly deleted me after calling me a pussy. I replied with a meow. This is one pussy that will never be behind bars...or wanted by the law, like Kobe Bryant. Kobe may have been guilty of cheating on his wife, but of rape...I seriously doubt it. Roleplay is and can be a lot of fun. But it's not something you can do with a stranger. People shouldn't be thought of as weird for their interests. I have a cousin Sebastian, who by day, is a hard working father of three. But by night...enjoys the fantasy of being a vampire, who goes by the name, Don Dante Della Morte. He likes being around other people who enjoy that culture. I am sure there is vampire fucking to go with it.

I did have one other roleplay reality experience...but that will come in a future reality blog.

So I have to ask, how do you feel about Rape roleplay fantasies?

Do you think she would have cried rape?

Basil LaTorre

Dating Naked.

Just how FAR will You Go...Role Playing?

2009-11-18T14:02:00.005-05:00

Well, now that depends...what are we talking about here? Are we talking about playing doctor and nurse, or dressing up as furry animals, and having a furry romp, midday in the park?

I have always thought role play was fun...I mean, it keeps a relationship fresh, while, never really having to go outside the commitment. Just discovering the filth inside the minds of our better halves can be a lot of fun...and might I add, arousing. On the other hand, it can also be an absolute mind fuck if it's something you really aren't into. "You wanna what, wear that...and do what again?"

I am pretty kinky for a 33 old white boy from Brooklyn, NY. I will pretty much try anything, as long as it doesn't make my rectum bleed or put me in drag. I will not be sporting a pretty butterfly thong, as much as some of you are giggling at that idea like third graders at the sound of an oops fart. I am however, up to play the part.

Just tell me what you need...what are we talking about?

How far are you willing to go for someone you love...that is the question. Would you rape someone you love, if they asked you to? That's role play. Would you dress up, and play a part? Would you go out in public, with someone you know everything about, and pretend you didn't know them, like you were cheating?

These examples are the new form of role play. The doctor, yeah..he is out. The school teacher...well, that's still in if you ask me. I always wanted to shtook my teacher.

If your husband wanted you to dress up, as a school girl, in a Catholic school girl's uniform, would you? Should you? Would you think he is secretly thinking about under-aged girls, still in high school?

Would you put on, a pink furry costume of a rabbit?

As much as that amuses me. I have to admit, I have stumbled upon some porn of people playing furries and fucking, and found it hard to look away. I also admit, if my girl came to me, and asked me to wear it, I might look at her funny, say out loud..."you're kidding...right?" But if I knew she was totally serious, as ashamed as I am to admit this, I would be online researching furry costumes.

I say that, because once you open that door, there is no closing it. Who wants to close a door, on something that they have been secretly fantasizing about for God knows how long?

Relationships are far too serious to begin with...it's why men wander. It's why women read books, instead of blowing their husband. Marriages tend to become the house of Mommy and Daddy, and we have to be these role models for our children. Next thing we know, we have become our parents. The parents you make faces at when you think of them getting a quickie and catching them in the act. To prove that, imagine Mom and Dad dressed as furries, getting it on in the park...behind some bushes.

Mind fucked ya, huh?

Some of you are thinking, well...I am not into that. I don't have to worry about that scenario. Me and my other half, are not into role play of any kind. But what if he or she was...but they never told you, until now?

I can tell you right now...behind every relationship, is a secret they have never told you. Don't believe me, ask your spouse in a way that encourages honesty, not hide it. Be open to whatever they might drop on your lap. They might want to spank you...S&M anyone?

Maybe it's one of those things I already mentioned...maybe they want to act like you guys just met, and meet for sex at a hotel on the sneak. Maybe they want to dress up as an adorable, cute, little freaky mouse. Maybe they want you to dress up as their favorite character from Star Wars...Like Han Swallows. What if your husband, like Zack and Miri Make a Porno, wants to make a porno of you two on his own? Just how kinky can you get for the love of your relationship? It might just end up being a catastrophic success.

For the record, I am not really sure if I could wear a furry. But it's open for conversation. But if I was, what furry should I be? It's open for comment, and debate...and STOP laughing...NAKED!!!

Basil La Torre

Quit Blaming the Sex Drives

2009-11-09T01:17:00.003-05:00

It's not them, it's you...every couple wants to blame the sex drive, or lack thereof. But how's that helping anyone? Most of all, helping your need to get completely fucked stupid.

Now, now Basil, that's not very sensitive...I know that's what you are thinking. I would gather you are also thinking they probably need Dr. Phil, and a little understanding. I disagree. Sometimes, people need brutal honesty. And with this subject, brutal honesty has never been more important. Now, I have never been married, but I have been in a relationship longer than most marriages last these days.

My relationship lasted a little over eight years...and in that time, we had a few sexless stops along the way. But, it wasn't because I lost my sex drive, and she had one bigger than mine, or vice versa. Because let me tell you, there were plenty of women I would have been happy to fuck into a coma. And I am sure, there were plenty of guy's faces she would have loved to introduce to her vertical smile between her legs. But for whatever reason, we just weren't very into each other.

"Gee, Basil...what were those reasons?"

I hear ya...I said brutal honesty. It was any number of things. She changed her appearance. What appealed to me about her in the beginning, vanished without a trace. Years of silly arguments, over stupid things...also took its toll. Seeing all those little things that irritate you, that weren't so visible in the beginning, didn't help with sex either. The mystery was gone, I'm sure on both sides.

I am sure if you asked her, she probably has a list of any number of things about me. I am far from easy to live with. You add all that up, and who wants to have sex? But more than anything, after awhile, nothing is new anymore. There is nothing new you can bring to the table that keeps it interesting. I love me some eggplant samich, from John's Deli with an olive salad on the side. But if I had to eat it every fucking day, I would get sick of it. But with food, you get to try other things. In a relationship, unless you are a swinger, you don't get to try the girl at work for lunch...and the girl from that store you like to go to, because you know she is there.

She didn't get to taste Johnny Depp, who I know she would have cheated on me for, in a second. It wouldn't have shocked me if she screamed out, ohh, Johnny, during sex...I knew. In the beginning, when we weren't together, before we lived with each other, she used to masturbate to me...sometimes, we had phone sex. Or I would write these dirty, filthy notes to her, letting her know where my mind was at any given moment, and she loved it.

You might be thinking, well, why didn't you just write her some more of those filthy notes?

Because when I wrote them in the beginning, it was inspired...from the heart. Believe me, she brought that to my attention. She kept them, like a proud mother would of her baby photos of her kids. I knew what she was doing, she was reaching out...hinting that she wanted more of that. But it couldn't be asked for, because it wouldn't have been real, like the beginning. She didn't have to ask me in the beginning. I could have made some shit up, just to make her feel good, but how's that fair on my side?

Is that what it becomes...appeasing people?

If you asked me, I would have said, well..grow your hair out again...lose 20 pounds. Be new again, before I found out how you were really like to live with. Dress up again, take those stupid, ugly, over-sized sweaters off. Stop whining about every single thing...God, nothing hot about emotional females. Fuck, stop having drama at work, I don't care...it's not high school, not everyone has to like you. I don't want to go to your family's house, they suck...that's why you moved out so fast and moved in with me. You couldn't wait to get away from them. I'll stop there...I can imagine what you are all thinking.

Wow, thank God they are not together anymore.

Exactly...None of that inspires fucking, or sex. And none of it, has anything to do with sex drives. In saying all that, it wasn't the end of our sex lives together. Sure we still had our moments. But it was more of our way of relieving tension. Release sex. Sex, just to have sex. It wasn't love making, and it sure as hell wasn't romantic. After awhile, you just kind of do things, either for yourself...or as I said before, to appease them. Because we are supposed to. Relationship sex becomes masturbation. Meaning, instead of tugging in the shower, or when they are not home, you kind of just use each other...her vagina, is my hand..my penis...her toy. I mean, they are there, why not, right?

What does all this mean?

Well, it means the lack of sex...more times than not, means bigger problems in other areas, not lack of sex drive. Sex drive is the excuse, so we don't have to say what the real problems are. Sometimes it's all the reasons I wrote about above. Others could be any number of things; feelings for someone else, lust for someone else. Anyway you look at it...it's a warning sign the end is near.

Not if you ask the Dr. Phil's of the world, maybe not Phil himself, but therapists. They will have you believe you can save it. But what are they supposed to say, they want your money. I say this, because after awhile, we are not capable of change on the scales it would take to make things right. We all have that, "love me for who I am" attitude. Don't try to change me, "love me for me, damn it, or not at all." Then some Doctor tells you, "No, change." Justified or not, no one wants to change.

Oh sure, some of us will, because one side might want it more than the other. And unless you are a real, fucked-up case that needs some serious soul searching; the rest, just can't do it for long before resentment kicks in and rears its ugly head. Because, we all just want people to love us for us. Not for what their idea of how we should be, is. I was reading a message board topic, that read, "differing sex drives." And under read this:

"I want it twice a day! She would be happy to go a whole month without touching me." Does this sound familiar?

I thought right away, wow, who's she fucking...because women get hornier with age, not less. Or, how much does she despise looking at him...is he a fat bastard, or does he man-scape or even care? What's the problem there? I seriously doubt it's her drive. Put the guy she likes to masturbate to in the room, and we will see how much her sex drive is the problem. As a guy, I have plenty of women I can get it up for...as women out there, you all have a person who can get it twitching to the point you lose control.

And for those people, where it's really about the sex drive, or lack thereof, those are the people who never had it to begin with...for whatever reason. If you are with a guy or girl who used to fuck you like they couldn't get enough of you, and now, they can't stay far enough away from you. It's not the sex drive, it's YOU.

NAKED!!!!

Basil LaTorre.

Just Ignore What She Says

2009-11-06T05:43:00.011-05:00

Dating Naked

Writer: Basil Latorre

Topic: Casual sex

She wants casual sex too, it’s just not her first option...like any salesman, they will take less to get the sale, but if you are willing to pay higher, why lead on to that fact?

The idea behind dating casually, and pursuing someone whose first option is something more serious, is patience. If a woman likes you enough, and has a strong attraction to you, she will sleep with you. But she won't just come out and admit that fact, at least not to you. In the cat and mouse game that is dating...most women live by perceptions. The perception, that she isn't "that girl." Most guys, don't mind being "that guy," just as long as it doesn't hurt their game. So how do the two come together in happily unmarital bliss?

It’s simple, keep her occupied and listening. If you can hold her attention once she knows your intentions, your chances greatly increase. Remember, women are not robots. They want to get laid as much, if not more than you do. If you've ever had the pleasure of listening in on women talk about their sexuality, you will probably have a strong moment of clarity, right as you are done beating off...enjoying the aftermath of an orgasm. Women are silly horny. So the idea that single women, who are looking for that one true thing, will look past the really sure thing, is absurd.

Women are more discrete than men, and in no way, ever want to give a potential husband the idea that she is easy, and that any Tom, Dick and Basil, can get it, or has had it.

Again, it’s the perception factor. I have gotten to know women over the last five years, who I knew were very sexually active, yet told potential new men, that they can't have loveless sex. Meanwhile, they all had a regular guy or two. But in their defense, it’s not an even playing field when it comes to being promiscuous. Having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis for men, is somewhat dirty to women. But, most women won't hold that against them, if, that is, she really likes him. But men, automatically put women in a category they can't climb out of. Most girls, don't want the Rob Dyrdek tag of, "dirty girl."

As a guy, you have to keep in mind, that most girls...hate sleeping alone, I mean HATE it. Not all, there are those who can't wait to kick you out once they are done with you. But more than not, women just hate being alone-period.

So if her potential relationship-well is all dried up, she is going to want something to keep it wet and flowing. That's where you come in, whether she likes it or not. Sometimes, it just happens on its own, with no preparation, or planning behind it. Sometimes, it’s all about being at the right place, at the right time. The rest of the time, it just wasn't going to happen, regardless. Call it sexual fate. Put two people together for a certain amount of time, and chemistry takes over. You just can't be so quick to write her off at the first sign of her being a commitment needy female.

If you do work your way in, remember...women get attached pretty quickly. It’s a rarity they can pull off a healthy sexual relationship. Three or more times and it just starts to happen. Familiarity and comfort just set in...and the next thing you know, it resembles a relationship. If you are lucky enough to get in, be fair in not allowing yourself to give her the comforts of a commitment. Don't become jealous of other things she might be doing...in turn, mind your business. If you start showing jealousy, she will confuse that as you wanting more. And not what it really is.

If you do end up falling for her, make sure you have that conversation...so that she can allow herself to fall with you, or walk away, because that’s just not what it is anymore. You wanted casual, and now...that's what it is for her.

In the same breath, don't treat her like a vagina on the clock. Go out, act as if. Just keep feelings of anything more than a friendship, out of it...Naked!!

Basil LaTorre

Don't ASK, Don't TELL

2009-11-02T16:42:00.003-05:00

Dating Naked
Guest Writer: Felicia.
Topic: The Open Relationship

Awe, the open relationship. I prefer to call it the "don't ask, don't tell" policy... call it what you will... it all boils down to the same thing.

I, like most, have spent plenty of time kissing frogs. I've gone from nerdy, straight-laced book worm types to bad-ass, shit-talking, good-for-nothing-but sex guys. And probably some of their girlfriends as well. So after several years of playing trial and error, this was the perfect alternative for me.

I happen to be a person that is very easily bored. Now I'm not saying that one day I think you're great and the next I don't. All I'm saying is that today you entertain me...tomorrow? Umm, maybe not so much. On top of that, I'm very easily distracted. The combination of the two can often be a little much for some people to handle.

Basil says I have a hard core case of relationship ADD. He thinks if I were medicated that things would be different.

Truth is, he's just saying that because he wants to try and take advantage. Yeah, I called you out...love you back, brat. In my life, I've been referred to as a many number of things. Some say I am a bitch. Others say I'm cold-blooded. I've heard insensitive, selfish, self-absorbed, self-centered; all of which may very well be true. Hell, who am I kidding... I'd be lying if I said otherwise. The only thing I can say to justify my actions, is what you see is what you get. I put my thoughts out there, and you can take it for what it is. There are no secrets. No hidden agendas. Never been the girl with the ulterior motive.

To be honest, I tend to hear these statements after I'm done and on to the next one. It's usually the 11th message, and they're still not over it. Ok, maybe it IS a little my fault. Sometimes I'm not so hot in the call back department. But I gotta tell ya, I got the point after they've left the 5th. Usually, by that point, there isn't much to be said to change my mind. Guess you can add stubborn to my list of attractive qualities as well. In any case, name calling isn't going to get it done for them. If anything, it's just another thing to bring laughter to my day. And yes, I do laugh often.

Going to throw this out there, in case you're a sensitive person. Probably not the right thing for you to get into. Some people resort to crazy things in regards to matters of their bruised egos. So don't be surprised how quickly people change.

Luckily for me, I am all of these things and probably more, so it doesn't affect me in the least.

The only downfall with the open relationship is that some people go into it thinking that this is what they really want. Or do they? Often I feel these people think they can change you. They put their best face forward and introduce you to the person they think you want them to be. Something like an interview. Always love it when you wake up one day and the representative is gone...leaving you to deal with the real monster they've become...or tried to disguise, I should say.

It's always funny to me, because I make it pretty clear what I want from the jump. This is what it is, and this is what it's not. Although they may get that awkward look as if they are temporarily stunned, it's always better to leave little room for confusion. You'd be surprised how many people look smarter than they really are.

So naturally you come across the few people who think they're super slick. They think they can tell you what you want to hear. They think that since you don't constantly reiterate what they already know, that maybe your feelings have changed? Then, once they think they're in there, they totally flip the script. As if you were faking the funk, just as they were. Again, umm, not really. That's usually the moment when you're staring at my ass...bolting for the door.

Honestly, the open relationship can be such a beautiful thing if both people know where they are in life, as well as where they are going. It really works if you can welcome it with open arms and open eyes.

See it for what it is and leave well enough alone.

It's very similar to a relationship in that you get all the perks. You go out, you have fun. You have a companion to share all the things you enjoy in life, as well as someone who knows your likes and dislikes.

Only difference is, is that anything goes. It's perfectly acceptable to go out and flirt with someone else. Hell, you can even take that person home. It allows you to give in to all your sluttastic urges while keeping a safety net around in the event that you're unable to hook up with anyone hotter.

Some have yet to realize the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. When you're younger, you don't know anything other than the path you're lead to believe is right. After a while, you see that everything is not always what you're told. Sometimes you need to form your own opinion instead of believing everything you hear. You find there's a difference in company and security. There's a difference in loving and leaning. Kisses and promises...not the same thing.

An open relationship means you don't have any rights over that other party. It takes a person that understands that love doesn't mean possession. Ideally they will be fully honest with each other (unlike most typical relationships). They don't get pissed at each other over minuscule things. In fact they will just like each other for who they are and support each other through times of need. There is no responsibility, hence there is nothing to fight about. Similar too, but not the same as polygamy. Just in having the ability to have more than one sexual/loving relationship at a time. Everyone has full knowledge and consent of the actions of the other person involved.

It seems to me as though we're always governed by love, when if anything, we should be subservient to desire. I am a person that knows what she wants...and usually gets just that. And I gotta tell ya, I'm one happy bitch. I don't know how many people are in situations that they are not happy with, but stuck in this comfort zone they have created. Yes, you have what you thought you once wanted...but do you still want it now? Are you sure?

Personally, I believe that half of us are immersed in sin. And what is a sin really? I know you guys know...that's why you read this smut. So just in case you DON'T know, a sin is a deliberate violation of any sort of moral or religious rule/law. Now I'm not a religious person...or always moral for that matter...but I'm guessing that my way of living, isn't the ideal way society would like to see a girl in her 20's, like myself.

Hey – ya know what? To each his own. Maybe more people should be real to their feelings and act it. Whether it be this or something else, everyone always has an opinion. Funny, because I don't recall asking for it, right?

All joking aside...Mahatma Gandhi once said, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."

Take it for what it's worth...Felicia, Naked for a day.

Tomorrow, the male side of this topic. My rebuttal.

Oral Sex...She'd Rather Not?

2009-10-13T19:56:00.005-04:00

Is giving head, dead. Do they still make this time machine...and how do we turn them from time machine, to a Hoover vac, for our pleasure?

A few years ago, one of my writers wrote a blog called "Oral Fixation" that opened up the door to the topic like never before. While there are certainly women who love giving it, it also opened the debate to women who don't. It doesn't matter what new positions you and your lover find during sex, with some women...the idea of oral sex is nauseating. I myself have had the “No thanks!” run-in a few times. It leaves you looking down at your junk, thinking...what did it ever do to you?

I have even had one girl tell me she would lick it, but wouldn't put it in her mouth. I thought to myself, lick it? What is it, a charms blow pop...baby, there is no gum. She said, "I don't want it in my mouth, or anyone's for that matter, don't take it personally." I replied, “I have to, I think my penis is going to need therapy after this.”

Talk about rejected; so I let her do her version of a blowjob, while it wasn't the worst of things, it left me yearning for the full mouthy.

One of the many reasons women are turned off by the idea of giving a blow job, comes from a taught belief that oral sex is impure, dirty and even disgusting, spawned by religious-minded parents. Others come from really bad experiences with previous partners who criticized their performance. After reading a comment on the blog "Oral Fixation" by a reader named Danielle...I thought about other reasons women detest the idea of oral sex...And I totally feel for them.

This is just some of what she said: "I am not the biggest fan of blow jobs. It’s not that I hate them...I am " boycotting". First of all, I really have probably the worst gag reflex in the world!! I gag brushing my teeth for God sakes. I am down to do it when it’s clean. I would not expect my husband to go down on me after sweating all day, so why should he expect me to? Secondly, a trim is only a cleanup if it actually makes a difference...I wouldn't expect my husband to find his way through a bush...and I make the adjustments ;) "

I sympathize, I do, a gag reflex is a gag reflex...But the trimming part. Hey...a little manscaping is very important in this day and age. Guys have slowly gotten past the idea, that yes...men can trim and shape too. So what, they call you "metro-sexual." GET OVER IT! It looks good, it’s clean. It even gives you the illusion of more shaft. Yes, it was always there, but at first glance, a few of those inches were covered by a giant man bush.

You wanted inches? You got inches...Just trim a foot off the edges and voila...it's a penis makeover.

But, one of the main reasons women aren't too excited about giving men oral pleasure is because they feel that they don't have the skills to properly please their man. I have heard more women, be kind of intimidated by my sexual past...feeling they wouldn't be as good as others might have been. So, they don't do it at all.

Also, I was talking to a past writer not too long ago about the complex women have about blowjobs. It is the belief that men take longer to reach their climax through oral sex as compared to sexual intercourse. For this reason, some women take offense and feel that if they cannot properly please their man, they would prefer not to do it at all.

1: We all have a past, and while some of our sexual experiences were better than others, that should never make one not want to do something, don't matter what it is. In all honesty, it should make you work that much harder, to be that much better. I know I would. I can't expect to start out being the best she’s ever had, but I, for damn sure, will learn how to be.

2: Yes, for some strange reason, entering a woman makes you want to orgasm, right there and then. I never really understood that. Maybe it’s because we are not doing any of the work...maybe it’s just a small difference in sensation. It for sure doesn't mean you are doing it wrong...if you want the truth, when you are getting bad head, we want it over with, even before we reach climax. If we are taking longer, it’s probably because it feels amazing, and we don't want it to stop.

Danielle also stated in that comment, that she hated the taste of sperm. And, really, as a guy, I don't blame her...more times than not, after watching a girl take a mouthful, I often wondered how the hell she did that with out hurling on my lap. I really do sympathize. But women have tricks where they don’t even taste it, when it goes down with one swallow...my heroes! But in talking taste, let’s not forget that women don't taste like cherry Kool-Aid...yet, I would never use that excuse. You women have far more going on down there than any guy at any time. The truth is, I get lost in the giving so much so, I never think about it.

3: Blowjobs should never be used as a reward once a month. To go along with Danielle's comment, there was also a reader who admitted that she also didn't like it, but did it for her husband once a month, as a treat for being good.

A TREAT, WTF is that? Maybe he deserves being treated like a child. But whatever happened to spontaneity in the relationship? Where is the foreplay, and the idea that anything, can and will happen? So what happens if he had his “once a month” treat the night before, and you are fooling around the next day, does that mean his penis is off limits to your mouth? To me, that is what's wrong with marriage...things change. People don't make out, sex is a chore because it’s your duty to please your man, and not that you can't help but want to please him, and be pleasured back. This is why men wander off, because they want that raw, unexpected in-the-moment rush that comes when the lust gets the better of you.

If she were my wife, she would get one conversation, about how that makes me feel. If it went ignored, or overlooked or if it turned into a fight, divorce papers would be next, on the grounds of false advertisement. I want what we had when we first got together. No exceptions. And if that was what he married, and she was always like that...you get what you paid for. Never take less than what you are worth.

So, a little recap, what did we learn here?

Smooth Landing: Give a her a smooth landing to land on...Shave that brillo pad. If she wanted to swallow some, she would run in the kitchen and get a fresh one out from under the sink. It’s almost 2010, The Sasquatch look went out with The Seventies, with polyester shirts, and bell-bottoms. Remember, manscape...if you expect them to, you better keep up in the right areas.

Be Sensitive: Women are not the only ones who should speak up in the bedroom, but for Christ sakes guys...ease up! You sound like a father scolding his kid. Lighten up and remember she might not understand the male penis like we don’t know their genitalia. Take your time and explain that some of what she heard through "Rumors" about men loving teeth is not always true with you. I myself cannot stand teeth chewing on my mini-me. But ladies, close your eyes and imagine your guy wrapping his teeth around one of your lips, and scraping them across it...yeah, OUCH!

Oral foreplay: You don't always have to jump right into the act. Oral foreplay can make going down on your guy even more enjoyable than you can imagine. Use flavored lubes, or honey...whatever you like. It can open some serious doors into some wild nights.

She Cums First: Never underestimate the power of a mind-blowing orgasm, especially the feeling of your lips against her clit. This is a first kiss that will literally take her breath away, and open that door that is her mouth to your penis. Make her cum hard. She will be more than willing to help you out.

So, I know this is a subject that some of you are not willing to talk about in public...You never know who else is reading, or you are just shy. But for those who will, leave some comments.

What do you think about the married woman who only performs once a month as a treat?

Does oral sex turn you off, and why? Is giving head, dead?

Basil...Dating Naked.

Naked Tips...Getting the Most out of Being Single

2009-10-12T21:14:00.009-04:00

And doing single well...because let’s be frank, most of you don't do it well at all.

Watching men and women being single these days is painful to watch. I think it’s even painful for them to go through it. But that's where I become confused. Being single gets a bad rap in my opinion; I mean, it allows you to open new doors, try new things. Maybe it’s just me, but I am a curious person, I like opening new doors...and love trying new things. To me, there is nothing more exciting than the unknown. Being single offers us a world of opportunity. You just have to know where to find it.

I have read articles from Men's Health to Forbes magazine discussing the five best cities to meet men and women. First of all, you can meet people in any city, any place around the world. There is no such thing as one city being better than another. Now if you are living in a city of 3000 people, your chances of meeting someone drastically changes...kind of common sense. Small town America is famous for high school sweethearts, but that's also because there are less fish in the pond. Dating sites are all the rage. And while they are viable, they have flaws.

1: They will never accurately tell you anything. Does anyone list his or her flaws? Do those sites even ask people that? Do they ask you if you have ever cheated on someone, and if they did, would you admit it? Does anyone put down the questions like...”Are you a good conversationalist?” Eight out of ten times, you are viewing the representative, what they think they are, or wish they were.

What they are good for is...they allow you to pick who was the hottest; because if you pass the eye candy test, it really doesn't matter what your profile says...someone will give you a chance.

If you are single, it won't hurt to sign up for one, not two or three, of those sites like eHarmony, or Match. They are the reputable sites. I will say, avoid anything free...because that's where you will find the bottom feeders mixed in with the good ones. The real douche bags who don't like to pay for anything. They complain that they have to pay for your drinks...pay for dinner. God forbid they had to pay for one of those dating sites. You will find them all over Myspace...number one breeding ground for douche nation. Facebook is another, although it’s not as bad as Myspace. And they are there because it’s booty pickings for smart players. Guys will be any place girls are, that is a fact you need to recognize. The easier, the better…that should be your first rule if you want a serious man or woman. If it is free, beware!

2: To go along with your account on one of the reputable sites, go out and try speed dating. Go out with one if not all of your girlfriends or best Bro-friends. There are so many new ways to meet people these days. Why not make a night of it just for fun. What’s the worst that could happen? Meeting in person allows you to avoid wasting time. With people, there are just some things you can't hide, but you can easily pick up on in person. I always say, especially with girls, they just know. They know if they won't like you, if they will sleep with you...whether or not they will enjoy getting to know you. When they get a bad vibe, baby...pack it up, it’s over.

One of the biggest issues with single women that makes being single miserable is they wait for men to talk to them, rather than approaching the men. It’s the biggest misconception that you come off looking desperate. Most, if not all guys are afraid of rejection, and coming off looking desperate just isn’t appealing. But in the same breath, women are sick of men approaching them with their cheesy unoriginal lines.

So how does one solve that problem, without coming off too desperate?

A: Guys don't care if you approach them; in fact, it makes it easier if you did. But be honest ladies, how many men do you spot in the course a day while out with your friends, but never approach? He had no ring on his finger...and you didn't even say hi? Honestly think about that... how many attractive men do you see every single day, who don't know you are interested in them?

I understand that some of those guys you approach will turn out to be married, gay or just jerks. But, you must believe a few of them might just be someone of interest that will live up to the billing. But you wouldn't know that because you most likely will never see them again. Why, because you didn't woman up and introduce yourself!

B: You have to be willing to date, like go out on an actual date. That means don't give them your Myspace, and don't spend hours talking to them on the phone until after you had at least one good first date. Lunch dates are best...especially if you have a job, or career. Think about that, you could actually have a week of five dates with men getting to know them...and by the end of the week you might have one great weekend date with the one guy that impressed you better than the rest. What's the worst that could happen? They are all duds, and you have a weekend out with the ladies. That just means a new week of phone numbers and new dates. Another perk about the lunch date...if it’s really bad, hey, you have to be back at work in an hour…right? Lol!

My advice: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Your chances of finding the right guy greatly increases the more men you meet, just like anything else in life. You might even meet a few good friends...date quantity, and pick quality.

If you have questions...I have answers. If I don't, I will make it up as I go.

Was It Really That Bad, Or Was it Just Me?

2009-10-11T00:15:00.005-04:00

Ok, so the dating scene is not going as smoothly as you thought it was going to be.

The last guy turned out to be a jerk after you had sex with him, and this other guy/girl won't stop calling after one bad date. Now you’re starting to second-guess breaking up with your last relationship. Grass isn't always greener, is it?

I could have told you that, but who asked me. It doesn't always happen as fast as you would like! That's always a fact. Nothing good ever comes easily...or quickly. If it seemed too easy, it probably was. You are not the exception, the exception being the rule. If you were, you wouldn't be thinking about that ex. You see, he wasn't perfect, but he was always there. It’s easy to remember the comfort of the relationship. It’s even easier to forget why we broke up in the first place. The pull to pick up the phone is a drug, and it’s not easy to shake. Sometimes we just want what's familiar.

It’s like a comfort food you have not had in awhile; you just know it’s going to be good...even if it won't help your diet.

It’s even funnier how they know when to call when you are at your most vulnerable point. Like they have some kind of spy in your brain, telling them, "CALL, she is miserable." Weird Jedi mind tricks we play on ourselves.

A sign from above: You were thinking about old times, the best times. Looking at old photos...it must be a sign that he called...Right? Wrong, it’s really not...you are just looking for a sign. Loneliness is a bitch of a feeling. Loneliness is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness. In that emptiness, we reach for things to fill that void. It makes you call a friend, just to see if they are going to tell you what you want to hear. Tell you that yes, what you are thinking is true, Confirmation. The truth of the matter is, he probably has been thinking about you from the point of the break up. Maybe because he misses you, or maybe even because you ended it, and not on "his" terms. Maybe because he has an ego, and didn't like being dumped, and told it’s not going to work. Most of all, he of all people, will know just what to say.

Of course he will, he spent a good chunk of time with you, and knows just what it is you need to hear... It’s not at all that they changed and have figured out what they did wrong the first time. No, it’s that they can manipulate your weakness of being lonely. "You know, kind of how they kept you in that relationship longer than you wanted to be in it in the first place. "Manipulation," is the way most people get what they want, even when it is not really what you wanted.

The ex is guilty of this just as much as a player trying to get in your pants. They, like the player, will say and do whatever it’s going to take to get that end result.

Sex with an Ex...aka comfort sex: Like a comfort food, comfort sex is the familiar touch of someone who put in the time. He may not even be the best sex, but it was that relationship sex you have been missing. The problem is, there is no way a stranger can give you that feeling you desire. Yeah, he might be able to fuck, and fuck well...you might have cum more times in one night with this stranger than you did your whole relationship...but we all know what the truth really is. Most girls will take emotional in-love sex over that great fuck. I know some of you ladies are reading this talking to yourselves saying, "BULLSHIT, I want the fucking and the orgasms!"

But more than not, you want that emotional connection only a relationship can give you. We all know when that guy is inside you, and he is looking so deep into your eyes, you think you can see inside of his heart, and it’s beating just for you. But you are only remembering the beginning, and not the middle and the end.

The beginning is the best part of everything new. If that feeling came in a food, or candy bar, you girls would all be pretty fat, and watching infomercials waiting for that next new gadget sure to knock the pounds right off...right? It doesn't and chocolate will only last so long.

So, you sit there mind-fucking yourself asking: "Was it really that bad, or was it you being selfish?" Maybe it was both...maybe the beginning was like any other great beginning. But he or she couldn't sustain it. But, never lose sight of the things that made you feel neglected, or the selfish habits they couldn't change that made you want to get on a plane and never come back. The relationship came to an end for a reason, and it’s your job to see if it was really them, or maybe it was you.

In the movie The Break Up...It ended with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston running into each other, and everything seemed all clean and fresh. He had learned something, and lost some relationship pounds. And she had traveled and done the things her relationship held her back from doing. It ends with the possibility of something...but doesn't elaborate.

That's us...sometimes you have to leave something and leave it in the past, to have something better than before. You can't EVER go back to something thinking it wasn't really that bad. That's fools gold.

You want the past, you will get the past...and all the bullshit that came with it. Make sure you know that if you do get that pull, that you have moved on from the past, and start all over from go. They have to earn your time, not get it because nothing else better came along. I know the theory is, “I’d rather be unhappy and not alone, than unhappy and alone.” How about we just work on being happy, the rest will follow...NAKED!

Basil...Dating Naked

The Prerequisite for a Relationship

2009-10-06T22:04:00.015-04:00

One of my readers once asked me, "What do YOU WANT?"

I was taken back for a second, I never really had anyone ask me before, or did I ever really think about it. I mean, there are the obvious things we think we want. I sat back for a second, and actually thought about what it is I really want. I mean of course down the line I want a relationship and be happy, a family. All the simple answers people give. But it’s not as simple of an answer. It's pretty complicated when you REALLY think about it. And, I am a complicated mystery. So I guess the simple answer just wouldn't work.

My answer was, "I am in the wind." A mafia term for former gangsters who have turned. Gone into the witness protection. They left and are now living "in the wind." Well, that's not what I meant. I took that term...and used it for my own use.

The Basil-pedia term means: I am not looking...but letting her find me.

But I do have the Prerequisites for a Relationship. Very important qualities to even get a foot in the door. But more importantly, do I have the prerequisites myself to be in a relationship? It’s easy to be concerned about what you want, and how you want it...but not too easy to know you want something, yet say, I am not ready myself, what do I...offer them?

How much baggage do I carry around every single day...what's in my attic, what’s in my basement? A lot of you carry around so much weight, it’s almost unfair to bring someone into the mess we never cleaned up, but swept under the rug so that it looked good to the blind eye. We are all guilty of this, including me.

"Problems, what problems?"

I know I expect someone else to do it for me, so it’s important we do it for him or her. To work out that stuff, come in knowing what it is they want, and make sure I am all those things and more. The one thing I don't do is look. To me, looking equals failure. Of course I make myself accessible. I have tried dating sites, putting myself out there. In fact, I have tried it all. It’s my job as the Dating Naked columnist. But I don't join these sites thinking, it has to be for love. I'm not looking for love, yet letting love happen on its own. To me, it comes off looking desperate. Now before you kill me...you lookers out there, I simply mean dating sites are just tools to increase our chances to meet people we might never meet. People who might just turn into the real thing. I once said in this very article, the original...that, "I am not afraid of being alone."

But that was a lie, I am terrified of it! Terrified that I will die alone, never having that very thing we all strive for. But in that, I still won't tie myself into the wrong thing, at the wrong time. That just makes me want to work that much harder on myself. I can tell you, I have lost a few great chances at relationships over the last few years because I didn't have the prerequisites to be in one, or even entertain one. And believe me, I wanted to grab onto it for all I was worth. There are A LOT of people who just can't help but hate that they don't have that someone, right that second in time. And they have that “For Sale” sign hanging around their necks.

And let’s be totally honest. It’s a bad market out there right now.

What that leads to is, allowing your expectations to be lowered...therefore allowing the wrong people in. Stopping other possibilities...”better fits” to pass you by. What do you expect when you take your house off the market. People don't stop to look at you. Serious buyers, that is.

So what are my prerequisites that I look for in a person?

1: Has to be outgoing. This is so very, very important. I like when someone can see something they want, and doesn't hold back. Can crack a joke and laugh at herself. Likes other people and likes to socialize. The last thing I want is someone who hates people, and likes to stay in all the time.

2: Has to be loyal...I can't stress that enough. I need a soul that wants and will protect mine for all they are worth. Who at times can be a pitbull when it comes time to have my back on something. Just like she would want me to do. To be family...to get that close to be my life. Betrayal must never be an option. I see all this distrust in relationships...and the stress. That’s for the birds. I need to know when you say something...I can trust it without question or doubt. And I want to give that trust.

3: No ex-relationship baggage. Hey, I know we all have it, don't get me wrong. I have baggage, had baggage before that baggage. My attic was a clutter fuck of baggage...I have had to sort through it, and get rid of the things holding me back. I had to; it was no easy task. You never move on to the next unsuspecting bastard, bags in hand and dump it on him or her. Your next relationship isn't your therapist's office.

4: Has to have a good education and foundation of her own. Never, and I mean never, get involved with someone who is just starting their higher education. Someone who works hard, will respect that you work hard. They will respect their spending. Although I might be a bit of a hypocrite since I go through money like water. But in that, it makes me want to work that much harder making money. I simply like that someone has a passion for something, and they are doing it. Ambition...I don't care what it is. How small or how big. Someone who has their own will respect and love mine.

5: Has to love animals. I have two boxer dogs...Capone and Honey; they are like family to me, my kids in many ways. But it goes beyond that. Someone who has compassion for animals, is a deep human being. Now, I am not talking PETA here. I won't be giving up steak any time soon, or start throwing paint on people who wear fur. But just someone who shares my love for the four-legged creatures of the world. My love runs deep; I am a sucker for all animals. While I looked into boxer rescues, before I got Honey, I was horrified by the cruel things people did to these animals, so much so it made me cry. I know my future will have me involved with helping these animals in some sort of way. Puppy mills need to be shut down and pet stores need to change their involvement with mills.

6: Has to love food...it's a passion of mine. Not just eating it, but creating it. I love cooking. I love all kinds of ethnic foods from all over the world. I plan on cooking all the time. BBQ's are going to be a Sunday thing. Christmas is going to be a feast of the seven fishes. Anniversaries will be amazing. I love family - Yours and mine. Or...I hope yours. Yikes...hahaha

7: Family, I want a nice, big family. So if one kid is all you have in mind…hey, I will have drinks with you, maybe sexual relations. Become friends...but I plan on preserving my family and planting my roots. I see two maybe three in my future...four if I make the serious cash-eesh. You see I lost my Mom in a fire. Never met my father. And a lot of my family moved away or doesn't want to be part of the family. This is important to me. My kids are not even born yet...and I already love them. So I hope she loves the idea of family.

I’ll stop there, seven is a lucky number for me...Just hope that means I won't be married six times before I get it right. <-- Knocks on wood

But there are so many things...being able to have fun, likes sports. Wouldn't mind going to a UFC mixed Martial Arts fight. Could sit there and watch Monday Night Raw with me. Likes to go on drives. Loves the beach, boardwalks. Has a deviant side, and can get a little wild. They are important, but not as important as the prerequisite-seven list. Remember though, it’s not always what they can do for you, it’s what you can do for them as well...going out strong with my JFK reference...Naked.

What’s your Prerequisite list?

Do you think you have all the Prerequisites to even be in a relationship? Leave a comment and let us know.

Basil...Dating Naked

Rings LOVE Me!!

2009-10-06T11:40:00.008-04:00

By Basil LaTorre
Dating Naked -

Topic: Infidelity

Single or committed...I have had incredibly good luck with married women of all ages. I never put much thought into it, I just went with it. And why not? My sex life was always an education or even practice for the real thing one day. Now before you get all judgmental - I understand that we all live by a set of rules. But no, really, it's YOU who lives by a set of rules. The single, unattached male or female is in it for themselves. If I am not looking for anything serious, "What other options are there?"

I also can hear you saying, "Why don't they just put that same energy into single women?"

You want the truth..."Single people are more complicated."

I will explain: Single people are harder to approach, because they are so on guard of the potential player sneaking in the back door, that they forget to enjoy themselves. First dates are more like job interviews. Young, single people are still wet behind the ears, and are in search of nothing but the relationship. So much so that they can't see anything but. If you are not relationship ready for some people, they discard you as a player...and move on.

The married woman is not delusional any more, they've been through the wars. They know what's missing, and want what was given in the beginning. We all love the beginning. Let's just be honest. Next to your kids being born, it's the best part of the relationship. Imagine being locked away from the outside world, with little or no sex life for a few years. No conversation...and the only attention you get, is when they ask what's for dinner. Mind you, those few years seem even longer in your boredom, waiting for the man or woman you first met and fell in love with, to come walking in the door. People can be patient, but sooner or later they will snap and search for that rush which causes that blood flow that makes you feel ten years younger. It's easy for you to lable them as whores, or sluts...or bastards. But really, they are just human.

I always compare it to the house cat...looking out the window at a world they want to be part of.
Ever watch them?

They move and jump at what's going on...totally into anything from a bag caught in the wind, or a bird prancing around asking to be eaten - if it could only get past that glass. The glass is one big, huge cock-block from a world they can only watch. That's the bored house wife, or neglected husband or boyfriend. Or, someone who jumped, thinking that being in a relationship was what they were supposed to do.

Let's face it...we are controlled by a world that tells us this is what we are supposed to do. Only there is no crash-course test drive. Even though we read and watch how bad it can be...we always believe that we know just enough so that will be avoided.

Then, here comes a guy or girl who's completely into you. You don't even care why. You just feel wanted. Your better sense will flirt and play, but it won't jump. But we were given this thing called curiousity. For better or worse, we have it. And curiousity will get the better of our senses sooner or later. We all do what feels good. How many of you out there have that one secret that felt really good doing it, wrong or right? Some of you lock it away forever, and others use it as a guide to get out and get what it is that you deserve.

So, why do the rings LOVE me?

Because I pay attention...I put all of my energy into getting to know them. Something as simple as wanting to know things about them, can get you far. Because of how I approach. I make women feel wanted. Something lost in a sour relationship. Because of how I flirt, and make them laugh. How I can make them feel like the center of the universe. I am not rushing to get into her pants as much as I am building up to that moment. I create loads and loads of anticipation. Simply, I send her home thinking. Thinking of a better tomorrow, that she is worth it. No one should ever settle on less than what they are worth...and I make married women value their worth. Even if I don't sleep with them. I make them remember what is great about dating and relationships. Before it became constant tension when he walks in a room, you feel overwhelmed with all kind of emotions...but not in a good way.

As I have said before...I am not an advocate of bad relationships. If I could, I would destroy them all.

I don't claim right or wrong...but married or not, if you approach me like that in the moment, your ring means little or nothing to me. I might warn you once about what you are getting into. After that, you are adult enough to make your own choices, and be accountable for your own actions. I didn't say 'I do'...You did. It's your reputation-your family. A good and happy relationship, is one I could never touch. Guys like me only get to relationships that are already broken...I just happen to be a small crack in an already bad foundation.

If you are judgmental...and want to ask me, "What if my wife did that to me?"

Well you know what? I guess I dropped the ball, or picked the wrong woman. I will swallow my bitter little pill...and know that there is life after infidelity. In truth, she set me free for that relationship I deserve. And yes, there are men and women out there who aren't dropping the ball...who are giving that attention. Who are good parents and being cheated on for something as selfish as wanting to keep the marriage fresh. Double lives. I have had her too, even wrote an advice blog about it once. She is part of the contradiction that exists in our society today. I don't make excuses for her. Truth, I can't even understand her.

The one thing I do feel is...I give someone the confidence to get out of a shitty situation. Excuse me, but that's a public service. Married women didn't come to me because they are happy in their lives, are they?

In closing, you might feel I am just manipulating a bad situation for my own selfish wants and needs. And, in your mind, you are right. In my mind, I am the wrecking ball of single behavior. Life is too short for me to look past the potential in front of me. When I look back, I will have no regrets. My single life is mine, and will not be lost on rules and moral judgments. I respect and love those beautiful relationships, and hope to have one of my own one day.

Topic of discussion: Is it the responsibility of the single guy, or the married woman to honor the marriage...or maybe both?

Or, you can just leave a rant - however you feel inspired. This is not just a blog, this is reality happening as we speak. Somewhere, some place, someone is thinking it, about to do it, or doing it. Leave your NAKED comment.

Basil...Dating Naked

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Spanking my Monkey, I'm A Toys R Us Kid!!!

2009-10-01T21:42:00.017-04:00

This blog was inspired by a former good friend who had the nerve to ask me, "Do my toys scare you?"

My answer to that question was a very loud "NO!" In-fact I said, "Bring it on and let me ask YOU this, Can I Help You With That?"

Once upon a time, I was like most men, in that I feared the sex toy as a replacement or something better. I didn't want it in my bedroom when you had me and my Italian hammer to play with. Well, I got past that pretty much over night while watching my first of many, older girlfriends, use one on herself. I thought, wow...my lower extremities seem to like it, so I must like it too. Who was I to argue with my lower regions? The stigma of being replaced by a huge piece of plastic kielbasa was gone. I saw them as an enhancement, something I could use to make our sex-perience, that much better. I knew I had better learn everything I could about the sex toy...looked like, they were here to stay.

My first sex store experience furthered my curiosity, where a whole new world of kiwi-strawberry heating massage lotions, ticklers and the rest of the sex toy novelties were waiting. The idea of being tied up and handcuffed, never did it for me before, mind you, I was 17, going on 18. But getting into the mind of my girlfriend at the time, I was suddenly all aroused by it all. Strange things were happening, was I a sex toys-are-us-kid?

My first real run in with a dildo vibrator, was one of nightmarish proportions...as I stumbled upon my mother's old 1978, Cadillac coupe Deville version of a vibrator to my absolute horror. One afternoon, my best friend, Dom, and me were snooping around looking for my birthday gifts, sneaky bastard I was, but aren't we all? Anyway, I found something wrapped up in a scarf, hmmm I wondered. As I picked it up, it all unraveled before my eyes, literally!

The sound of my best friend screaming, "Your mother has a dildo," still haunts me to this day.

It's one of those things you never want to think of, when you think of your mother. Of course I got caught, and we both just kind of avoided each other, although she gave me hell for snooping. But at that time, if I didn't have to see one again, that would have been fine with me. The funny thing about that, a month later, she caught me beating off after school...OHHH, THE FUCKING HORROR!!

While me and my now ex, went toy shopping, I began to wonder, "Why aren't there more sex toys for the guys?" If there was, I didn't see any. I hadn't thought that much about it until a few years ago when I was writing a blog about that very thing. Sex toys for guys, and why there wasn't a market for them. And poof, I found some.

Make room next to your Rabbit ladies. Meet the "pocket pussies" for men.

That's right; clean out the drawer space where you hide all your dirty little pleasure toys. Daddi has one or two of his own. Although, it’s still a female dominated market. I mean, you won't be seeing men throwing pleasure parties any time soon. And buying your girl a sex toy is a serious thing, there is a large margin of error if you are not careful. Getting her a huge double-ended dildo monster with four different shaped attachments will probably scare her to death. While a fake tongue may gross her out, and may raise the question, "is yours not working?" And if you give her a life-sized male blow-up doll, forget it -- she'll probably dump you.

But, in the relationship, the guy going out and buying a sex toy for his girl is still very much the rarity. Most guys don't know about the, "Hitachi Magic Wand," or the "Jelly Gumdrop Vibrator Cherry Smoothie." They have probably heard of the "Jack Rabbit Vibrator" made famous by our lovely “Sex and the City” deviants...but their sex toy palate is limited. But as men, do we know about the G-Spot Vibrator? - And if you use it on a woman while she is using a Hitachi magic wand, she will blow like a volcano? Seriously, it’s no joke.

I learned about that trick while having phone sex with a former writer of mine, as she screamed from the orgasm heavens.

The aftershock orgasms that followed were just as intense; I was very fascinated. So much so that I went to a store, and bought those two items for my one and only best friends with benefits. The one girl who I have met who can really handle that job without emotions fucking it all up. I never had so much fun, I really was the little kid in the store who loved using it on her. The louder she would scream, the hotter I got. By the time she got to the sex itself, it was off the hook, because all she wanted to do was return the pleasure I just dropped on her lap…literally.

She joked and said that, "I really was a best friend, because only a best friend would care that much about her orgasms."

I was smug - Years later, sex toys for guys were just hitting the market. Yeah, there was the sex pump for guys. But who wanted to cut off the blood flow to their salami, lose all sensation? I could do that with a condom. But who's that really for anyway? A bigger penis for the girl to get excited about? So, the question is, what are you doing for me lately? The answer, fake plastic vaginas, vibrating cock rings, for his and her pleasure. FINALLY...turn about is fair play.

When I discovered the plastic vagina that supposedly felt just as good as the real thing, the light bulb went on over my head. Basil's smirking revenge... <--fight club reference, I was going to turn the tables on women who thought guys should get over it and grow a pair when it came to the plastic vibrating cock. How would women feel if we pulled out a plastic vagina during foreplay? Or, if you walked in on him beating his meat with one? Would the ego get bruised, or would you join in or watch? Don't get me wrong, the real thing is unmatched. I much rather have skin and fresh over a pocket pussy any day, but I wanted to have some fun with the idea.

So out came my plastic, and I bought some plastic...the Flesh bot, my first sex toy, and the games begin.

Now, I wasn't in a relationship, but I had some regular casual sex going on at this point. But before I could play, I had to play with myself first, I mean I had to try it, I was curious...is it as good as the real thing? Hmmmm I have to admit though, I was kind of scared of this thing. Who knows where this vagina's been... hahaha… So I gave it the smell test. Didn't smell like one, so I tried some fingers. It was interesting. I didn't get the vagina-goose bumps like I do when I finger a girl. It didn't have that warm feeling, even though it was supposed to simulate it. So finally I lubed up, and lost my virginity to my first adult toy vagina. So how was it?

It was better than jerking off with my hand, I will admit that. But it was far from the real thing. I guess you ladies know that being most, if not all of you, own a toy of some sort. Feels goods, but we won't be trading in our partners for it. Well, some of you won't... lol.

So, I invited my casual friend over for her weekly booty call session, and it was just right, we did a lot of making out, high school style. Her rubbing on me while we kissed. The whole 4play book and then some from my own personalized hand book on 4play. Now, I picked her because she LOVES using her toys during all kinds of kinky 4play, I mean she loved that I wasn't insecure about it. Guys before me were. A lot of, “What's that for?” Just insecure men who didn't get that it was not a replacement, it was an enhancement of pleasure. But I was about to find out if she was vagina insecure...I had just about crippled her making her cum. She made all kinds of silly faces and her hands locked up so bad, they hurt. So out came fake vagina. And right away, it began.

Girl: What the fuck is that?
Me: Toy Vagina <---- so amused already
Girl: I get that, what’s it doing here?
Me: It’s just a male sex toy, what’s the problem... didn't I just fuck you with your own?
Girl: Yes but that’s different
Me: Different how?
Girl: YOU have the real thing right here.
Me: What, and my cock isn’t real? I didn't know this.
Girl: I am just insulted that you feel you needed it.
Me: Has nothing to do with being insecure about it, does it?
Girl: I'm not insecure...but I am leaving.
Me: Does that mean you won't fuck me with the fake vagina? I thought I would have a vagina threesome tonight...Don't go. <---- As I laugh

I ran after her and explained that It was an experiment...still laughing so hard, but I had to fix her head, so I gave her some. Later, the more she thought about it, the more she understood. She was just shocked to see one, because she didn't know they made them. But I wasn't done there. I had to see if women were hypocrites, or if it was a one-time deal. So, I blogged about this a little over two years ago. Wanted to see how women felt about sharing their toy drawer with men and their own toys. The blog was a hit, it did somewhere between 250 to 300 comments, mostly women, a few men. And I would say 80% were so against it.

So since that page and blog were deleted by Myspace about a year ago, I rewrote this. So, for you girls who get a kick out of antics like this, are you afraid of my sex toys? Let me turn that around on YOU.

You’re about to get busy, and Johnny-doesn't-make-you-CUM lately pulls a pretty purple bag out from under the bed, it’s your favorite bag from your favorite sex store. THE HAMMA YO ASS sex store...WHATEVER! And you think he is pulling out something for you. And out comes a realistic SEX vagina for HIS PLEASURE, LADIES...that's right, he did it, and he didn't have to get it drunk and he won't go to jail because he paid for it.

The question is, how do YOU feel about competing with a toy, in the bedroom? I want some honest answers, don't give me some prepared answer to sound clever. Think about this, what happens when HE becomes addicted to something that's NOT YOU. Remember when the rabbit came out, and all you wanted to do was play. That's him, and the Hoover VAC of sex toys is moving in.

Here are just two of the male sex toys girls will be seeing a lot more of:

THE FLESHLIGHT - Penis sleeve
The Fleshlight has been hailed as the ultimate male masturbation toy by those who know best. The men that have used it. Made of a soft silky material that feels almost as good as real skin. The Fleshlight is a penis sleeve intended to recreate the feeling of a penis in a vagina, and this one does with remarkable success.

SPANK YOUR MONKEY? - Male Vibrator
Move over Rabbit, make room for the monkey - We all know the rabbit made every woman sit up and take notice of sex toys, while men have been left twiddling their, um, thumbs when it comes to using sex help – and that's not just because they'd sooner use the batteries for the TV remote.

Now a freelance designer from south London is hoping to change all that. He thinks his new invention will do for men's sex toys what the rabbit did for women's.

Colin Bailey, 32, built the first prototype for his Monkey Spanker in his Crystal Palace home. It's set to be sold in Ann Summers’ stores shortly.

Sex toy tips: Sex toys are much better and more pleasurable when used with lube, so make sure to invest in some good quality water or silicone-based lube for your girl if you do build up the nerve to buy her the toy.

Basil...Dating Naked.

Don't Most Girls Feel This Way?

2009-09-30T09:49:00.011-04:00

And if so, why are we so commitment crazy when women can have everything they want, and that bag of chips with a side order of a few pounds?

Confused, well I will explain: I was reading a blogger named Isabella Snow: Smut in G Minor. And I stumbled upon her blog, "The big A-Ha Moment." The title just grabbed my attention, being my big A-Ha moment was when I prematurely ejaculated for the first time when I was like 12, during what must have been a pretty fucking good wet dream. But that's a whole other story entirely. Reading her big A-Ha moment, left me with one of my own, this blog.

So I'm reading, and reading...and I didn't get bored like I do with most things, while taking it all in. And I get to the part where she admits what I believe most women feel, but never say out loud unless she is mad at some guy, or, about to get her period. And she says:

"The simple truth is that I like not being in a relationship. That's not to say regular sex isn't to be missed, but a girl can get laid whenever she wants and there are plenty of toys to offset these things."

A-HAAAA...I KNEW IT!!! <-- I just had a moment, sorry.

Sex, love and the pursuit of happiness? That's what they would have you believe, only like Isabella Snow, it's not always the case. The only happiness we should worry about when it comes to sex, is that both parties got off. I still think it's insane that sex, and love, always have to be paired up. I think sex is lost on single people, or that's what people want you to believe. If you want the physicality, you had better be prepared for something more. Only, why is that? What if, like Isabella...she doesn't want the more, just a good in the moment? People, not a person to spend time with. I happen to believe lots of women feel the way Isabella described, yet it's almost wrong to admit. I always thought that. Why do women need us to commit? I mean, women can get laid...really, any time they want.

God, I hate you all. Just knowing that makes me want to give you crabs, but I digress.

But this is not about sex, it's really not. It's really about liberation from the commitment. Women have held sex hostage for too long...I have written before, that the prerequisite for sex, has always been commitment. Proving that sex is lost on single people. Ohhh, it's happening, but keep it to yourself, it's a secret. They won't admit to it out loud, being they don't want men grabbing on to the idea that they can get it easily...and without a relationship, commitment. What it has forced men to do, is give an elusion of one. She goes on to say:

"I do not want the things people in relationships have. I don't want children. I don't want to share a big house with a boyfriend or husband, because I like things the way I like them and I don't want to adapt to someone else's lifestyle."

Sounds like me in my early twenties. Truth, she sounds like single men who can actually get laid. I think we all have that in us, when we couldn't be bothered. You just don't hear many women come out and say it. I think it's refreshing. The saying is, knowing is half the battle...and if you know, why waste time living up to the idea of what society tells us is the norm...I say, rock out with your clam out - buck the rules, play by your own.

Do I believe Isabella will live happily ever after in single-dom? No, but this is where she is now, and she is comfortable with that. She just hasn't found that ONE guy, who encompasses all the things that makes her safely want to take off her vulnerability condom. Sometimes, we meet men or women who have aspects of things we want...but lack in other things. Maybe she just won't compromise her time and heart on guys who can make it as friends, but not forever. And maybe, she doesn't have a forever. It's better than pretending she has one, like most people these days. Too stubborn to fly alone, and breathe the fresh air of the truth. I believe she is more happy alone, than most people in commitments.

I probably sound like a commitment-phobe. But you couldn't be more wrong. I am just the "anti-bad- relationship-phobe". To some men and women, that makes me the anti-Christ. I love women, yes. I love kissing many women. I love when things just kind of bubble over and happen. I love sitting across the table, knowing a connection is happening. Being single is not lost on me. And being in a relationship will not get lost on me either. I will take my love for dating, into my forever. I just think it's amazing when someone knows there is life in single-dom. I hope everyone reading me, now and later...gives Isabella a read. She's worth your time. NAKED!!

Basil

Link for her blog incase you can't find her. http://isabellasnow.blogspot.com/

Dating Naked, Love, NOT Enough

2009-09-26T22:51:00.010-04:00

Her...If you Loved me, you would make this work. Me...I do love you, But sometimes, love just isn't enough.

The dreaded, its not you, its me conversation. When what you are really saying is, No, its you. I don't know why its you, but its you. Having to have that conversation, could totally destroy someone you do love, but you feel it's just not enough to sustain a working relationship for life. Call me a fool, but I believe it is so much more. I believe you just know, and know right off the bat, you can't live without this person.

I believe cold feet is a warning, that you are about to make a mistake. I believe in a true love, that makes you wake up everyday, happy. I believe true love, can consume you, consume your time, where no one can get close enough to ever challenge it. I believe people only get close enough to drive a wedge, because it wasn't the real thing in the first place. I believe that for it to be the real thing, it has to be love so great, for BOTH people, not just one.

I think sometimes, only one of the two feels...OMG, I am SO IN LOVE with this person. Where the other person feels, Yeah, I love her. The passion and feelings, are not the same. I think sometimes people think if you just love someone, it is the reason to stay together... because why not? When it should be, I couldn't...I could not be with this person. This person is the center of my universe. I think it's rare, when you have two souls, who meet and feel that same connection. I think because one feels it, they ignore that it's not the same...call it greed, call it being stubborn.

But you want them to love you back, more than they really do. It's a hard realization, to figure out, its one sided.

Call me a pussy, but I am afraid of being someone's need for something more. More than I am their MUST. I don't want a settled-on lover. I want what my grandparents had. I want something I feel in my heart, when I see them. Where you miss them because they are not with you. I want to love her passions, and share her moments. More than anything, I want her to feel those things for me. Where it is just what it is, and not what I want it to be.

I have had to have that talk, more than I would like to. The "It's not enough" conversation. But I believe because I love them, I can have that talk. I think there is no worse feeling, than knowing you need more. Knowing they are not for you, but making them believe it is for them. The lie, so that you don't hurt them. I believe if you truly love someone, you can love them enough to be honest, and set them free.

Time is a gift, not a given. And to take their time, and later tell them, it was never enough, is the worst possible thing you could ever do.

The screwed up part of it all is, we wait till someone else is already there, to take their place beside you. Only adding to the sinking feeling in your chest. Even worse, having kids who remind you of what once was, and what is not now.

I will not cheat myself of that magic, of that love forming and building...and growing like a child inside the belly of a woman. You see, a man will never know that feeling. The closest thing we have, is falling in love. And I will not live the lie, just because I want the real thing, with all of my heart and soul. I know one thing, I can't find the real thing, while in the wrong relationship.

In closing, we fall in love all the time...but we only have but one true love. The one person we say it to for the last time. I think I will hold on to that belief. Until then, I am in the wind...Dating Naked!!!

Do you disagree: Is love enough?

Have you ever had to tell someone you love, that its just not enough?

Do you think I am living in a fantasy world?

What are your thoughts on love?

Basil...NAKED!!!!

Cougars, Dating on a Month to Month Lease.

2009-09-25T15:50:00.018-04:00

Have you ever dated a younger man? If not, would you? Is it acceptable for a young man to date an older woman?

While guys dating up is nothing new, for women on the prowl, dating down has gone mainstream. They've even created a network show to celebrate this fact. Although it has been going on forever, it has finally trickled on down to those who may have been curious, but never touched it before.

Making it official, Cougars are in!

For me, dating older women is nothing new, I personally believe, dating up should be a right of passage for young twenty somethings who need a little life experience. It's a trade off in many ways. I think for newly single women, it's a return to a time when it was all a rush. First kisses, and lots of attention from a guy eager to fulfill her needs. For younger guys, it's all education...on the job training for young lions on the prowl. But still, what's in it for the female, some ask?

It's a fair question...why are more and more older women preferring to date younger men these days. I believe in my heart...after long, exhausting relationships; raising a kid and a husband, women come out needing a little fun. Something that feels like that failed relationship when it began. When it was good. When the chase was half the fun. When you thought it wasn't a good idea, but did it anyway because it made you feel high. An escape.

I get questions all the time about the allure of the older woman..."Why older women?"

Well, it's not hard to understand...I would be lying if I didn't say it was the sex factor. But that's women of all ages. You know how some younger girls have this thing for older men? Guys get that same feeling for beautiful, older women. It's a realistic fantasy. So what's not to like? I guess, for me, it started out as a sex thing. It was also the never-did-it-before factor. I read about it...as well as saw it in movies. It opened that door for me, and once I walked in...there was no closing that door. I felt different. My first ever real adult relationship was with an older girl. I was 17, going on 18. After her, was the run...or that's what I called it. I would have work relation's with two. I met another in the gym. It became addictive to just even hang out with these women. I was growing up in their company. I learned so much about me, and in turn...about women on a different level than I had before in the past.

It's more than age though after awhile. It's spending time with a mature woman who has something more to offer me. That was the element I didn't have an understanding of beforehand. I liked that it wasn't just me bringing something. With younger girls closer to my age...it was all about what you could do for them. I never had a girl invite me over to her place, where she made dinner...with candles. It was all new, and I liked it. Dating finally had a face...it grew up.

Of course it was going to be a heartbreak for one, if not both. Eventually what goes up, must come down. The high never lasts. Eventually age matters. Questions become prevalent. Answers can't be avoided with a kiss. You can't live in the moment forever.

You might ask, "Why would anyone set themselves up for disaster and disappointment like that?"

With Kathy, it was never on the table, meaning MORE! I served as her distraction. The guy who wouldn't quit. That guy who flirted with a smile. I was working it from the second she walked in the revolving doors of the hospital, till she walked out...with ME!!!

I was cocky, yet a little wet behind the ears. I was energy, and eagerness. I was daring, not afraid to say something that might be a little off the table, at any given moment. I didn't pretend that I wasn't in lust with her. And that's what she wanted. You see, we started flirting at my job. She worked in the hospital I worked at. She did administrative work for the hospital. And I was the manager of a wannabe gourmet coffee stand in the hospital. That was the bridge into talking, then flirting, then where we ended up. In talking, I didn't have to ask if she wanted more or less, it just came out because we put the time into talking. And WE listened. She knew I was still tangled in my past girlfriend, and she needed to breathe. I guess you can say I helped.

I helped her feel, viable, wanted and lusted after...something her ex, couldn't be bothered with.

I can't say I came in as the big swinging sausage. But I had lots of energy, and she would feed off that. We had moments that I could write about, but it wouldn't do it justice. I came into my own that year. I just didn't offer my services, I learned like a student. And yes, we did talk about the possibilities of more once. She made a very strong point that ended that conversation right there.

She asked, "Will you still want me when I am in my fifties and you are in your early forties?" She said, "Age does matter, don't let anyone tell you differently. Enjoy what it is for the moment. See things in a truthful and factual manner, and it will help you make choices in life." Basically she said to do the math, it never lies. I was there, as a time share. Borrowing that piece of her life. And when it was over, I had to give it back.

But was she right, does age really matter?

I thought about that for awhile. You can't deny the human side of us, even if it sounds politically incorrect. Her other points were just as strong. If we made a go at this, what if she wanted children, and I was YEARS away from being ready for that? Does her clock ticking away mean I should do something I am far from ready to do? So yes, age does matter depending where YOU are in your life, and what you have or have not done. Age means very little when you're putting little on the table, and need to play. So what was in it for me?

My mother once asked me that question: My reply. I'm happy...right here, right now. I am content. I learned a whole lot about life and myself. A relationship is like taking out a year-to-year lease, with an option to buy. With Kathy, it was a day to day, week to week, month to month thing. It was easy. When we stopped seeing each other, there were no hard feelings. There was only a lot of admiration and respect. A woman I am proud to say I still know till this day.

Today, it's not as taboo as it once was...everyone is doing it, whether it's on the down low, or whether it's way out there. What I do notice, is that like any other casual relationship, we are screwing it up by trying to change it to fit our own selfish needs. Age gaps can only work in very rare situations. VERY RARE.

To answer all the questions...let me first start with the first. "Do guys think older women are easier than younger girls?"

You want the truth, the mind of man...right? I would say a good number of younger guys have that impression. YES, not all. But some do. But you shouldn't be mad at that. Guys know women are more sexually aggressive than younger girls. They are more comfortable with sex and their bodies. Guys are not all dumb, they know this. Some guys are going to go for the safest bet, in a way, it is a hearsay trend. What are the other options? Lying to a younger girl, making her believe he wants more than he really does?

Or, date up? Someone who is battle-tested, may be better equipped with dealing with matters of the heart, and knowing how to detach emotions from the physicality. Once guys learned that you could date up without all the bullshit, they became obsessed with it. Same as they did with the label FWB. Put sex, and as little commitment as possible on the table, and you will find plenty of men sniffing around it...Can we agree on that?

What is the age difference that makes one an official cougar?

This is a question I get a lot. It's pretty simple. I have read and agree, it is ten and up. A ten year gap, and you are an official she-pred. But the real truth is, you are only a cougar if you date no one but younger men. There are women, like a former friend of mine, who wouldn't touch anything over 40, being she was getting closer to that age herself. She dated down almost exclusively, all ages within reason. There are women out there who are in their mid to late thirties and up, who date young 20-somethings and nothing but. They want young, hard-bodied 21 year-olds and up, who will satisfy not only their sexual needs, but fulfill their egos. People don't factor in the mind when it comes to this. Being able to date a guy like that, keeps them feeling young and vibrant just knowing they want you.

It used to be a classism thing. Older, rich, women dated the hot pool boy, or the cabana boy at a Sandal's resort. That is where it originated...it took different meanings as more and more women started doing the same. So, to answer the question, to be an official she-pred, you have to either be a chronic age dipper, or be between seven to eight years, and then you can start to purr, pussy cats - Ten years - and call yourself a cougar. Last but not least...

What are the rules, and is it "just" a sex thing?

I would say it has to be. It would take special circumstances for it not to be. When I got asked, last year at the age of 32, why wouldn't I date a 40 something seriously? My answer is always because I want children. I want a nice-sized family. I just do, call me crazy in today's world. I don't see many forty somethings, starting a family. Hell, there are a lot of women who are already grandmothers in their mid to late forties.

Never mind popping out three little Basils, both girls and boys. The point is, I don't put that offer on the table, because I need to set a precedent, that it was NEVER on the table. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. So is it just sex, yes and no, it can grow into a friendship. Nothing is ever set in stone. It could very well turn into love. And you go about it when that time comes, but you should never going into it with that in mind, kind of let it happen on its own...kind of like any other relationship. My verdict, Cougars...Dating on a month to month lease.

Questions: Older women actually prefer dating younger men - but would you? Have you?

Do you think it's logical to date down, seriously?

Do you have any more questions about cougars? Has something in this blog made you want to ask me a question?

What should I know, that I may not know from the female's side, about older women and dating down?

My question to the ladies who like them young, why younger men?

DN, NAKED!!!

The Less you know, the More YOU Will Love Me

2009-09-24T20:05:00.004-04:00

That's Men 101 for you ladies who didn't already know that. Or maybe you have always known, but ignored it because you didn't want to accept it.

The confusion lingers - The questions, still unanswered and the battle of the sexes continue. The less you know, the more you will love me. Well, not me, so to speak, but men as a whole. Ok, me too. I am the prime example of this theory. I went to an old friend for this article. I asked her, if you could ask a guy a few questions, what would you ask? And this is what I got.

"Why don’t men communicate what they mean? They bury their heads in the sand...and why can't they deal with their past before they move on and make it more complicated?"

The answer to this is simple, only because men are simple. I know, you are reading this saying, "How can a sex so complicated be simple?" Well, if you are a guy, you know we have this thing called, "Things she doesn't need to know." This is where men and women are different.

Women by nature are curious creatures. They like to talk about feelings. They want to know the root of things. Doesn't really matter how complicated the roots are. If it's tangled, women will untangle the shit out of it. None of these are bad things. Women go to each other and hash out whatever is in their head.

Men by nature are curious creatures too...but it is different. As I said above, we are simple. "Hmm, I wonder if she is wearing underwear?" “I wonder what's in the refrigerator, I'm hungry." " I wonder what's on tonight." I don't think any woman who has spent a significant amount of time with a guy will argue much of that. When something is wrong in our relationship, we don't run over to our male friends. We run over for a distraction. Drink a beer. Do something. We know that friend probably can't help us. We know he won't MAKE us talk about it. Women...want answers. They call a female friend.

OMG, Sarah. I was trying to turn him on, and he wasn't interested.”

“OMG, Carol, Mike is friends with his new co-worker...she called the house last night.”

“OMG, Jen, my vagina feels funny...does yours ever bark at you in the middle of the night?”

I mean, women should pay each other for being each other’s therapists. As sexes, we are just different. Women, as a gender, can be hypocrites. SOME women, before I get my head bitten off for generalizing. But here is an example. My friend who WAS married went to his friend to talk once. Their marriage was starting to fizzle and he wanted to save it. So he bit the bullet and went to his friend. He told his wife that he talked to him...and she blew her gasket.

"How dare you involve our personal life with an outsider," she said.

He was confused, because her friends know everything. Just like a scene from the movie, I Love You, Man. Paul Rudd confides in his friend about his fiancé’s lack of giving blow jobs in the relationship. And she gives him the third degree. But at least two of her friends know almost everything about what he does in the bedroom. Her reply when he calls her on it...”It’s different!!” So how does that answer anything? It doesn't. So I will use myself to answer that question, and break it all down.

"Why don’t YOU communicate what you mean?"

Well, the first thing that comes to mind when I get asked that. The VERY first thought is, "Why? What's the big deal?" WE might not always say it...but look at our faces. We are thinking it. We probably gave you a simple answer that was enough for us. Sometimes we don't know what we are trying to communicate - So we say as few words as possible. Once you say anything...like in a court of law, in a woman's mind, it becomes record. Women are like Italians, they don't forget. We often feel if we open our mouths, and say what WE really feel or think, that it will be held against us in every argument after that.

"Why do YOU bury your head in the sand?"

Because, we really don't have an answer, not one you might accept. OR, one that won't go over well. But it’s like when you are kids, and know you are in trouble with a parent. You just kind of want to hide and not have to deal. Men suck at accountability. Who wants to have a fight? Or sleep of the sofa. Who doesn't want dinner? Women can be unforgiving and harsh when ticked off. I would rather get sunburned on my ball bag, and eaten alive by bugs. Burying our head sometimes seems like the smart move. Sounds too easy, huh? Like I said, simple.

"Why can't YOU deal with your past before YOU move on and make it more complicated?"

First, let me say...who doesn't do that? Both genders do this. We use each other to help us pull out of it. Do I agree with it? Hell no...but it is what it is. Dealing with it won't change it. Let’s be honest here folks. We never forget. Dealing with it to a guy is like beating it to death. We kind of think if you push it far enough out of our minds, it will just go away. We compact our baggage into our pockets and try to minimize it so that YOU, can't see it. We just want to move on.

Women on the other hand, wear their baggage. I mean it’s all over Myspace. Women by far blog their issues and life much more than men. Women’s baggage is, two suitcases and a backpack and one of those pully cases. And a very large purse. A guy...you have to poke and prod - throw him up against a wall and pat him down.

"AUHH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? What's this? Ex-girlfriend issue next to the gum."

"OHHH, he was cheated on. TRUST ISSUES!"

“Loves his Mommy, he’s a Momma's boy. Going to compare me to his mother the rest of our lives.”

You have to earn our baggage...because if it gets in the hands of the wrong people. It can be used against you. And that sucks. But that's what makes US, guys. That's what makes us different, besides the inverted smile in your pants.

It’s not supposed to be easy, guys...and what makes it worth it all, is when you find the right person who wants to share it all with you. All the funny stuff, all the hard stuff and all the life issues locked in our box. We all have a box...before YOU try to unlock his box, make sure yours is open as well. There is no answer in the wrong person. So if you have to ask...he's probably not for you. To my friend...I LERVE YA!!!
That's NAKED!!!

My Reality... I Had Hate Sex and I Liked it.

2009-09-24T05:06:00.011-04:00

"I know for A LOT of women, sex is this emotional connection between man and woman, but have you EVER had hate sex?"

Well I have, and it's great. Better than great, AMAZING. But what is hate sex? Well, it can't just be faked... the dislike for someone has to be genuine. The prerequisite for mind-blowing hate sex is based on the feeling of disgust for someone who attracts you as well. It can also happen during a moment of rage right before a relationship ends. Hate sex is sexual intercourse that happens between two people who strongly dislike or annoy each other. It is related to the fact that opposition between two people can heighten sexual tension, attraction and interest.

"Have you ever had that, a strong dislike for someone who gets you moist when he or she gets you angry?"

It's a complete and utter rush. Now listen, I need my rushes anywhere I can get it. I don't do drugs of any kind. Smoking pot, well that's lame and boring. Makes you mellow. I don't get off allowing something else control me. So all that other crap is garbage. I drink socially, but it’s rare that I will ever get so shit-faced that I make an ass out of myself. But sex, now that's my drug of choice, my rush. From the act of seduction, to the moment right before contact. My adrenaline is working better than any line of coke could ever do for me. The whole thing is euphoric, it’s cerebral and it’s hot. But one year, right after I became single from Kim, the now infamous ex-girlfriend, I had a summer where that rush became immortal, sexually.

Her name, Courtney. Pound for pound, the best sexual experience I had come across at that time in my life.

We hated each other from the moment we met, till the moment we were done having sex. I am not even sure how it ever happened in the first place. There was no, "Well, maybe she likes me, maybe I like her." To be blunt, she was a snotty bitch. She was kind of a rich, stuck up, Staten Island girl, with a better pot to piss in than everyone else. I really think she thought her shit smelled like lilacs. And then there was me, who was kind of sick of girl's shit... aka wounded bird, still whining about my last girlfriend. It was a match made in hell from the moment we met.

She treated my friends like shit, she talked down to everyone. She hated everyone it seemed; yet she had lots of friends. She hated her baby sister, not because of anything she did, but because she was born. She had a chronic PMS face, and made you want to vagina punch her on any given day. She sounds like a winner doesn't she? But I will give her this, she was fucking hot. She had a style all to her own...she could pull off vintage clothing like a model. And she wasn't afraid to flaunt her body by how she dressed. But still, I hated her.

One night on the beach on the Island, there was a Battle of the Bands bonfire, a kind of end-of-the-summer ritual. And there was this rumor that had been flying around that me and Courtney, had this thing for each other. Of course we both denied it...but that night on the beach, it all kind of took on a life of its own.

Hate turned hostile, as she had finally crossed the line with me, and my best friend.

She was so enraged by this rumor; she ripped into me and my best friend for spreading it, only we didn't spread anything. I didn't mind her attacking me, but my friend didn't do anything but come to hang out. Truth, it was her friends who had. So I ripped right back at her. Anyone who knows me, knows that when I get pissed, I can be an unforgiving bastard.

But in a strange twist...I think she liked my tirade. Almost like I put my hand down her pants with a finger vibrator. Her mood suddenly changed. She was back tracking, and trying to apologize. She suddenly cared, that’s what I thought. I walked away, and put on my best diva act. The whole, no, leave me alone, don't talk to me bravado. I mean, I meant it, but looking back, it was a bit much. I actually hurt her feelings... so much so, that when we all went to the Eagle Diner, she walked away to call her dad for a ride home.

I should've had more balls, I mean she was wrong, but of course, the nice guy in me went after her.

I caught up, and after my best I'm sorry act, she cracked a smile...but was mean, and told me I had bad breath. Once a bi otch, always a bi otch. But it was all in fun, although I was checking my breath the whole night. It was an inside joke between us...AND, it made her laugh. In a strange way, that rumor about us, suddenly started becoming true. I was attracted to her.

Later that night, we all went back to the beach, it was such a beautiful night...I was sitting by myself on this big sand hill, looking out, into the distance. Everyone else was spread out all over, doing God knows what. And Courtney found me, and she says...”Are you playing with yourself over here?” I just made a face and came right back at her and said, “I was, until I saw you, lost my wood.”

She said, ha, haa. She sat down next to me and I asked, “Why are you such a bitch to me?” She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don't know. I like giving you a hard time.” I said, “You should try being more nice to me”...and she replied, “Nah...I wouldn't respect myself in the morning.”

Something was happening though, I could just feel it. She comes back at me, and says, “So, I make you lose your wood?” That's when it happened... she started sucking on my finger, like she was giving me head, and guess what...I HAD WOOD, and tall wood at that.

It all didn't last long, we were all leaving, but I was confused, was she just being a bitch, or was this the beginning of something?

That night, I get a knock...it's her. She didn't say anything, neither did I...She just kind of walked in - and it all started. All of our anger, hate... dislike, all came out in a kiss that was like nothing I had before. She didn't just kiss with her mouth, but with her body. My hands moved down the back of her pants, inside, squeezing, and penetrating her. It was all kind of violent. She was talking shit, and I was coming right back at her. By the time I entered her, it was like we were two strung out drug fiends...and the way she moved her body, into mine... I was strung out.

We continued this in secret for nothing more than a few weeks. Everyone would be over, they would leave... and we would go at it. It’s where I learned the term, booty call. But it had no future. Even if I allowed my mind to go there. Truth, I almost wanted it to, even though I knew she was not for me. We had one thing going for us, GREAT Hate sex. We talked about it once, and she said...I will be honest, the second I feel something more than fucking you, I will disappear. And she did... back in the days when we had beepers, I sent her a beep...she never returned my call. I spotted her once after that...but I didn't say anything. It was a great memory in a screwed up time in my life. In a way, she helped me get over a girl I couldn't shake. Because for the first time, I wasn't thinking about that girl. I often wonder about her, what she turned out like, does she have kids. Is she nice to people now? I get the urge to look her up, but then, think better of it.

You see, how I remembered her, was the way I was supposed to. It wasn't love...was just a connection, and a time we had. I might have almost confused lust for love, but I didn't. She didn't. I learned, sometimes we are attracted to people we don't like. Sometimes, that's all we need...just a distraction.

I went on a crazy run after her...cougars, married women. Girls in relationships...anything that couldn't be a commitment. I had realized a year or so later, that's where she was. Pretty smart if you ask me, although, I think I got closer to her than anyone else. And it all happened when I went after her that night at the diner. something was sparked...sometimes, people come into our lives for short periods of time, and impact us. She was my first hate fuck...and not my last. But we all remember our firsts, don't we?...NAKED!!!

Question, of the day - Have you ever wanted someone you didn't like, or even hated?

Basil.. Dating Naked

Dear Basil... Cheating, is it too ADDICTIVE to Stop?

2009-09-22T21:18:00.002-04:00

Dating Naked
Topic: Cheating and Addiction

Addictions, and the drug of choice? CHEATING!!!!!

Not drugs, not booze - Cheating, no one used to talk about it. Cheating seems to be the hot topic of the last year for me, because it’s all I have read or have written about. It’s being done more today than ever before. It used to be the male’s issue, but more and more, women have come out of the closets and have admitted to their own infidelities. I had a reader who has been reading the last few Dear Basil blogs. She has been living with a secret for the last year. And so here is her email followed by my thoughts on, Cheating, is it too Addictive to stop?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM FINALLY ADMITTING TO THIS, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE A SAFE PLACE. I HAVE BEEN ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS, AND I HAVE BEEN CHEATING ON HIM FOR ABOUT A YEAR WITH MY MARRIED CO-WORKER. NOW BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP. BUT IT’S JUST NOT AS SIMPLE AS THAT. I NEVER WANTED AN AFFAIR, IT KIND OF SURPRISED ME WHEN IT FIRST HAPPENED. I DON'T WANT MY CO-WORKER AS ANYTHING LONG TERM. I THINK IT WOULD RUIN THE ATTRACTION. THE TRUTH IS, IT WAS JUST NORMAL, INNOCENT FLIRTING IN THE OFFICE. I EVEN TOLD MY BOYFRIEND ABOUT HIM, AND LIKE WHAT ANY GIRLFRIEND WOULD WANT AND EXPECT. HE WAS OK WITH THE FRIENDSHIP. HE DOESN'T GET JEALOUS. THEY EVEN MET A FEW TIMES. ONE DAY IT JUST HAPPENED, AND I WAS ADDICTED TO HIM EVER SINCE. THE THING IS, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT’S HIM, OR IF IT’S THE CHEATING. I CONFRONTED MY CO-WORKER ONE MORNING, WE TALKED ABOUT THE RAMIFICATIONS OF THIS OFFICE AFFAIR. WE BOTH AGREED TO BACK OFF AND GIVE OUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS THE TIME AND ENERGY THEY DESERVED. ONLY LATER THAT DAY, I GOT AN EMAIL TO MEET HIM WHERE WE ALWAYS MET, AND HE WANTED ME ONE LAST TIME. I HAVE TO ADMIT, I WANTED HIM TOO. SO WE DID. THAT LASTED A TOTAL OF A WEEK. THE NEXT THING I KNEW, WE WERE HAVING SEX EVERY PLACE WE COULD. I GET OFF ON HIM. I GET OFF DOING IT. I DON'T LOVE THIS MAN. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. BUT THE SEX IS JUST BIGGER THAN ME AND I AM CONFUSED. IS CHEATING REALLY THIS ADDICTIVE, OR IS IT ME?

BASIL, I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING IS WRONG. I AM NOT AN IDIOT. I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW I CAN LOVE SOMEONE SO MUCH, YET CAN'T SAY NO TO SOME ONE I DON'T LOVE OR RESPECT. I FULLY ADMIT, IF I LOST MY FIANCE, BASIL, I WOULD BE SO LOST. I WAS NEVER LIKE THIS BEFORE. I AM CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT YOUR READERS WILL SAY. HOW COME LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE, BASIL? I CRY WHEN HE IS SLEEPING. WHY AM I DOING THIS?

Cheating... Is it too Addictive to Stop? You know what? It probably is. All I can think of when I read that is WOW! I know the moral thing here to say is, you are wrong and you just need to stop. You need to tell your boyfriend and blah, blah, blah, blah!!!

But who does that, really? And why would she? Who dares put that scarlet letter on their chest for your moral views?

It does grab you. If anyone has had an affair, you would know that there is a certain element to cheating that is a massive rush. It’s like that first-time sex you have with someone, where you finally give into the passion, over and over. And let’s be perfectly honest about this part too...Doing something we know is wrong is also a massive rush. We all know it too.

Some of you do it in small doses every single day. Just the way this started was in small doses. It started out as innocent flirting she said. "FRIENDS." FIRST, there is no such thing as innocent flirting. I know there is someone reading this that will disagree. But you do, because you need to justify what you are doing so you can keep doing it. And even if you did, you open the door that could always lead to more, just like my reader. She didn't intend to cheat on her boyfriend, but once she allowed herself to become close, and intimate with her co-worker...it all changed forever.

Here's my point on innocent flirting: First, How can anything be innocent, when innocent flirting begins with mutual attraction? Who flirts with a guy or a girl they are not attracted too? It happens because you like the person, you find something about them that moves you. Second, Guys view flirting as interest, always did, always will. It’s the “Come fuck me” free card. Even me, I flirt on my blogs all the time.

And you know what, when single, I would seduce almost all of you. It’s not innocent. But in a relationship, it gets tricky... because where does the line begin and end?

We all have different buttons, different triggers. I know when I am in a commitment, I can't allow doors to be opened, just like an alcoholic knows he can't just have one drink. A drug addict can't have just a little taste... a person overweight and on a diet, can't just sneak in a krispie cream. These are addictions. Sex is as much of an addiction as those. Sneaking around only amplifies those addictions. Because it adds to it.

I personally, got off on sneaking around with the rings. The lust factor was amped up that much more. It was electric. I didn't over think it cause I just didn't care, I got into it. I thought the passion of a love-starved woman was ten times that of a single girl who didn’t know what she is missing. Does that make me a fucking jerk? Maybe. It is what it is. To me, an affair is a sign of something wrong. PERIOD!!! What that something is, I couldn't tell you. They all differ.

Some reasons: Sometimes we just get the overwhelming feeling that there is more, and we are being cheated of it. After attempt after attempt of asking for it...our needs take over reason and sanity. It’s just that simple. Other reasons. We become starved for attention... so "innocent flirting" attends to those needs. Only until innocent flirting becomes that door that opens and you can't seem to close it. More reasons. You left something before you really let it go in your heart. This only leads you back to it, sooner or later. And sometimes...we are just habitual cheaters. Like I said, we are all wired differently. Some of us have lots of emotional needs. Some of us have physical needs. Then there are the rest who have addictions. Cheating to me is as much of an addiction as the rest. I believe that. That rush keeps you coming back.

You don't have to understand it. I know many of you reading this are getting pumped up hating everything my reader is doing. Deep down, she is too. But remember what I said. Sometimes it takes over reason and sanity. That crack addict can't think of anything but that pull off the pipe. She can't think of anything but that moment her co-worker enters her. I can almost hear the comment now.

“Why doesn't she get that same feeling when her boyfriend enters her?”

Don't you think she wonders the same thing though? Some will say she doesn't love her boyfriend if she can do this. And my reply is. How the fuck could you know that? You mean to tell me, you can't love something, yet want something else? We are human. If it’s happening, and it is all over the world, then it's possible. You hate it, because YOU fear it happening to you. I bet lots of you wonder everyday if it’s happening to you. It just might be. Some of you wish you had a man who loved you so much that he wanted to spend his life with you. It burns your ass she has it, and is fucking it up.

My advice to my reader: Cheating- is it too addictive to stop? It is very much addictive, and it is fucking HARD to stop, but it is possible, just like any other addiction. AND, like any other addiction, you have to stay away from the problem. Even if that means quitting your job and learning from it. And if you really can't... Sweetie, hand him back the ring and pack your bags. Go get it all out of your system. Some times, we meet the right person, at the wrong time.

While I was running around with rings, I stayed out of commitments. I had a lot of “Fuck the World” going on inside of my head. I just didn't care. If you are going to play bad, do it alone. Don't take people you love down with you. Run wild alone. Looks like you stumbled on a side of you that you need to go discover. After you do that, you will have a better idea of who you are, and who you can be with. Because, and I say this with all of my heart. You may love him, but not enough where no one can touch your relationship. Real love, no one can touch it. Your co-worker wouldn't have been able to get close enough to sniff. Real love, can't be touched. My verdict, it’s addictive, and you are not ready to stop. Hand back the ring, and get out. Once he finds out the truth, the relationship will never be the same.

What’s your advice? Opinions are wanted.

The question is, can you love something yet want something else?

Flirting... where does the line begin and end?

CHEATING... is it an addiction? Or an Excuse?

Do you agree with my advice and this blog?

Basil... Dating Naked

Are We REALLY Relationship Ready?

2009-09-21T21:22:00.000-04:00

I have this ongoing rant about people who are not relationship ready. These same people seem to think it has got to be something with other people, and not enough about them... EVER!!

I sit back and smile, and start thinking God, YOU have to be kidding me. You are having failure, one after the other, and you are either blaming the opposite sex, or just the person. Never once do I ever hear those same people say, "I need to look at myself in the mirror, because it just keeps ending the same way for the same reasons." Where is the accountability, where is the responsibility and where is the desire to get it right?

I had to come to grips with my own responsibilities and my own harsh reality not too long ago with the failures in my personal life, and failures in my life in general. Yeah, I did it too. I pointed fingers. I blamed the other person for being who they were when I first brought them into my life. I mean, let’s be honest, we've all done it. Looked passed glaring problems and issues over the excitement they brought into our lives. The biggest thing we look past...Jealousy: see, that right there makes me laugh. Because there are only two ways to look at it.

A, Either YOU are responsible for dating the jealous kind of jerks over and over again, or B, you are giving all of these men a reason to be fucking jealous.

How can either sex not pick up on that? But then again, when do we ever take it on the chin? It’s just easier to lay someone else out. Here is another thing. Each of us has a certain attraction. And when we find out that attraction really isn't for us, we don't change what we thought we wanted. We look for the same things, in another person. In other words, you are eating retard sandwiches for lunch, and you are just getting what it is you were asking for...only complaining about it just to hear yourself complain. You wanted extra salt, then complain it’s too salty. That's on you.

What about your own jealousy...dating the opposite sex who were just as wanted by other's as they were by you. Dating the popular guy or girl. Who always got attention, but now that they are with you…WHAT? You thought all that attention they had before this was going to go away? If you date an attention whore, who always had attention...who will always demand attention. Who in turn, got YOUR attention. You have to accept that about them, because that's what got them there. There are certain people who don't have to do a thing, but smile and bat their lashes, and they get attention. Then you get jealous of that fact...causing a change in who you are...in effect changing what they like about YOU.

You can't change people; they change in their own time...or not at all. In turn, what you liked about them, you now can't stand.

Other common excuses...They've changed: We all evolve as we get older. The wild calm, and the calm get wild. It's a fact and to me, is as simple as age. Some couples started dating young. So, pretty much what you enjoyed about them in the beginning, might just change in age. No, it WILL change. Sexuality changes, minds change… ideals and ideologies change. Who I was at 20... was nothing like who I was at 30. So how can we hold them responsible for something as natural as growing up and changing?

Relationships take responsibility. That same responsibility we lack at a certain age. I have this belief that from 18 to 25 should be all about selfish behavior as well as education. Not just school education...but in people. At 25, we are on the upside, and should have had a good run in not having to answer to people before the age of 25. By that time, you should have a better idea of what it is you want out of life and a person.

Ask yourself this. How can you take anything seriously in a way of a promise from a person who might change his or her mind...what they wanted when you got together, might very well be different. And the only thing holding them there is guilt...and a shared love that has changed in time and in growth. Is it really that wrong? Should we hold people to an old promise? Being relationship ready is about understanding that it’s not just about you anymore. If you can learn that…the world will be your relationship oyster - so be honest with yourself. If you can't make that commitment...then you are not relationship ready. This was a lesson I had to learn. I, in no way, was ready to commit my attention, my heart...and my time.

In closing, if you find yourself being single every other month. If you have a baby daddi, or two. If you have two failed marriages...and a rocky relationship to boot. If you have a husband or boyfriend you keep leaving and coming back to. Maybe you are just not relationship ready. Maybe you have some soul searching to do...maybe you're just not the relationship type. Maybe, it is them, and YOU too! Sure would be nice to figure out, don't you think? If you find yourself, reading your reality in this. Maybe you need to ask yourself, am I REALLY relationship ready?

Basil.. Dating Naked

If you have tried to comment the last few blogs, but couldn't. I fixed the problem. I hope everyone leaves their thoughts, and sorry for the glitch. If you can't comment for some reason, please contact me@ - Darkeyes2k7@hotmail.com

The End of the First Date

2009-09-21T04:08:00.001-04:00

The end of the relationship started on the first date, or lack thereof. What ever happened to the first date?

Don't call me old-fashioned...maybe just a romantic at heart. But can someone answer one thing for me? Have we all forgotten about the importance of the first date? Seems that people today have lost that dating feeling. It used to be that you met someone, you had a courtship over the phone and then after a few days, they ask you out on a date.

That idea seems almost foreign to a lot of people my age and younger. Including me the last few years. Nowadays you meet someone on Myspace, or Facebook...even Twitter. You have a relationship practically over night...and the first spot on his or her friends list.

The problem with that is...you are at the mercy of their representative.

It's easy to be someone you're not via email...we don't put enough on in person one on one interaction. There was a time a first date could tell you everything you ever wanted to know about the person sitting across from you...and then the phone number gets deleted from the CrackBerry...right?

Or for others, it's Friday night...and we go relationship picking at the bars or clubs. Fingers crossed, you are going to meet prince charming in a sea of pointless dicks all out for pointless pussy. Maybe you give out your number...wait a week for a call, depending how easy he thinks you are. Maybe he left a voice mail before you even got home. You hear from him Friday after work and he says something romantic like, "Hey, you want to meet up with my friends and me tonight at the bar?" You and your girls meet up with him and a series of events like this follow in the next few weeks.

Before you know it, you are bringing pizza and beer over to his place and watching a movie. Where did the romance get lost in all of this?

Maybe we are all just that easy these days. It occurred to me a few years ago after speaking to my friend, that maybe dating or being asked out on a date has become a thing of the past. You instantly find yourself going right into a full-fledged relationship where the little things sometimes get lost in the shuffle!

How do we avoid falling into an "Instant Relationship"?

Take it from me...make the first date of importance. Take it slowly! I have learned from experience that the best way to get to know someone is over time-over a few dates-over long conversations that never seem to end. Don't fall for the first wave of bullshit...see if he or she has staying power. Sometimes, all they have is the first wave and little after that.

If they ask you to meet out...tell them that you would prefer a one on one encounter so that you can get to know each other better.

I regret so many relationships in my past because looking back, I did not know nearly
enough about them ahead of time. I was thinking back to one of my best dates and realized that there weren't that many to choose from. What a sad thing! I have always been the "guy with a girlfriend" and now as a single thirty-something man, I find myself longing for the days where it was exciting to the build up to a first date...then a second, then a third…discovering each other in steps.

I think we want the relationship so badly we skip the steps. But I thought we wanted it to last? All we have done is commit to timeshare relationships. Ok, ok, I am old-fashioned. But I like the idea of wining and dining...dropping her off with a kiss that will last forever in her mind. A date she just has to tell a friend about...creating anticipation till the next date night.

My advice: Delete your Myspace. Sign up for Facebook, use it only for family and friends who have been friends long enough to be called FRIENDS. Never fall for your Facebook...or bootycall your Myspace. I'll explain later…lol

Naked Q & A's
Is romance dead? Tell me stories...restore my faith.

Have you ever had a real date?

Tomorrow's DN, we dive into relationships...Are YOU Relationship Ready?

Basil...Dating Naked

My Introduction…Naked

2009-09-19T11:42:00.000-04:00

I would like to thank everyone that has subscribed so far to a blog that has yet to post anything. I have been writing for about five years. I started on Myspace to help launch an idea called SIN Magazine. From that idea, spawned a new idea called Dating Naked, DN for short. It’s the mind of a man who dares women to read it. Truth to be told, I dare any sex or race to read it. My goal is to help create a better dating and relationship experience for everyone. I plan on doing this, by exposing the ugly NAKED truths. By bringing to light, the inspiring stories we often never hear about. By laughing at the funny things we are sometimes too embarrassed to talk about…the realities, both mine, and yours.

I write from experience...I put it all out there. The good, the bad…and the ridiculously funny. It’s my journal into becoming a man. Into dating and sex. Into my first love, and the end of it. Into my flings with married and older women. To my longest relationship to date, down to the end of it... and all the stuff in the middle. It’s a journey into long distance flings, and love affairs. I will discuss all topics and give advice to those who are in need.

Every day will be something new.
Monday: Dating
Tuesday: Relationships - DN Naked Radio at night.
Wednesday: Advice
Thursday: My NAKED Reality
Friday: Sex topics

I don't claim to be Dr. Phil, nor do I have a degree. But I know my shit. I am the mind of a man. A single man, a man in a relationship. A man in an unhappy relationship. I am a student of people, human moves. I am all of you, only I have put my life out there- unwrapped and completely vulnerable. I have walked that line…crossed over it and come back. Been the bad boy you love to hate. And I have been the guy you love to love. Sometimes, I have been both. I have been your booty call you wanted more from. And in karma's little joke, I have been the guy who wanted more, but couldn't get it. I can relate…because again, I am all of you.

My first blog starting Monday will be, The END of the First Date... followed on Tuesday by the blog, Are WE Relationship Ready? I hope you enjoy…maybe tell a friend, spread the word.

Basil

Dating Naked Launch!

2009-09-01T16:28:00.001-04:00

Dating Naked, and DN Naked Radio will launch this September, 2009! This will be my latest venture into the blogging community. I will be giving blog-goers a one-two punch of blogging, and radio.. in the hopes I become a must read. I spent the better part of five years playing on myspace, researching human behaviors, and learning a little of my own. My time on that social networking site, was a smashing success.. where at the same time, also my biggest failure. My end on that site, is also a new beginning on this one. I will start posting stuff here real soon, maybe even next week.. starting Monday.

I will be posting my thoughts on the state of relationships, as well as the meaning behind the games that confuse many of you. I will also be posting a how to guide into dating, and dating successful. I will expose the pretenders, and allow you to read between the lines. I will be giving advice to those in need and, those who will not admit they are in need. I will cross that certain line. The taboo, and social prohibition relating to any area of human activity or social custom that is sacred and forbidden. Crossing the line into the taboo is usually considered objectionable or off limits by much of society. The goal, to create a following.. Stir the debate. To educate and open minds through my own realities. To get YOU reading NAKED!!.