Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Dating Down, What's YOUR Worth?

Dating Naked
Writer: Basil Latorre
Topic: Self worth

When did we start dumbing it down for companionship?

I guess it's a legacy left to us by our parents, who got together just to spite their parents. We all talk about what we won't put up with, what we won't do and who we will allow into our lives. Yet, almost to the script, we all settle for less than what we started out wanting. But how and why?

How and why starts off when we lose sight of our own self worth...when we devalue what's always been important to us. Core things that should never ever be compromised. We all have them...although different with each individual; we all have deal breakers that make us who we are. I have my own set of deal breakers...that absolutely cannot, will not ever be compromised. Those things make me who I am, and will shape me into who I will be down the line. Does that make me perfect...hell no. I am far from perfect and far from being check marked. But there comes a time, when you move on from that past, and grow into that person we set out to be.

With the tender age of thirty-five staring me down. I have realized my own self worth...and my past has little or no bearing on what I want in a partner.

With that, comes growth...and growth takes discipline. Something I have never been great at, and most people who know me, will agree and are probably nodding their head as they read this. Girls have always been my weakness...in many ways, my life's work.

In that, I deserve the best person who fits who I am today, and where I am going tomorrow. A person with her own set of values...just as important to her, as mine are for me. Your past also has little or no bearing on my choice of you. It's where you are today and where..."You" want to be tomorrow, that means everything. In saying that...if you are still dumbing it down today...as you were even a few years ago...then you offer me nothing in the way of a future. If time has taken it's toll, and you have no belief in a future of your own. So much so, you make bad choices now, then I can't help but look past you.

If you are dating, and falling for married men, if you are still sleeping with an ex, or if you are bedding random men who offer you nothing but that night; then what do you expect a guy to do...or see? If that's where you are and don't want a relationship...hey, more power to you. Nothing's wrong with being single and loving it. The problem is, it becomes who you are. Who you are, is what you are presenting to each person you meet.

I know what you are thinking...Don't judge me. But I'm not; I am just taking accountability for my life...wants, goals and values. Because if I don't, who will?

Our teenage years...well, they were fun. Our twenties... are all about learning that we don't know everything we thought we knew...and where we learn from those mistakes. But once we hit thirty, if we still haven't figured it out, then when will we?

If you say...I want a relationship, and not a bedroom partner...because you don't do that, and you are bedding the same guy, who has offered you nothing in the way of a relationship...then you are not reflecting your values. You have in turn, devalued them...only devaluing yourself to someone who just might be that potential life partner. If you are dating bottom feeders, and are a single mom dating a guy who has a prison record, you are dating down. If you are dating a junky, because you are tired of being alone, you are dumbing it down. If you are dating the same bar slobs who are divorced and only interested when they are drunk and stupid…what message are you sending other men?

You are quickly removed from being, potential...and become the pass-the-time girl. A time-share. And you only get a little.

That might be unfair...Just like it's unfair that some people who read my past, judge me on that today. But in that, at least I know that they take their time, their life seriously. I once heard a bunch of people talking about how we all like to date a little crazy. All I could think to myself to say was, "You wonder why you are all unhappy later." But what also dawned on me is, some of these same people who like a little crazy, are a little crazy.

Let's be real, the jealous date the jealous types. People who love drama surround themselves in drama. People who need to fight can't date someone timid. They need a running partner who can spark the most insane outburst. If you are constantly breaking up or all relationships ending the same, then it shows you put little or no time into learning from the past...why? Because you hold no value in your time, or to your heart; making you hard...inside and out.

But then you have the people who want better, who want calm, who are in the most insane relationships going, who ask themselves why they can't find someone normal. Well, why did you let the stupid fuck into your life in the first place? "When did you start dumbing it down?"

If you are a woman, who wants normal...who wants a family and to settle down, then why in the hell do you let repeat serial cheaters stay in your life? Where is the worth in that? Where is the value you are supposed to have on yourself? And honestly, why would anyone give you value and treat you with respect, if you let it slide?

All of us have a basic idea of the person we want to be with. When do we own that...when do with put value on our belief in happy?

In closing...What's my worth? What do I deserve and why? Well, I deserve honesty, with me and with her. I deserve a woman who wouldn't compromise the integrity of our relationship with a lie, because if I am the end all to be all...of a man you couldn't look past. Then you shouldn't have to lie.

I deserve the ultimate role model for our future children. A person who wouldn't do anything she wouldn't want her children to do. And who lives by that code. Who understands we had that single selfish time, and now, it's about them...it’s about family. A person who would lie down, and die for her kids...if that was needed. Just like me. But who wouldn't lie down, and die...a fighter.

I deserve everything and more, which I put in...I deserve a relationship-ready girl, who is over it...and wants what I want. Who doesn't let the bullshit that life throws at us, rattle her belief...her desire for something more...something amazing. You are what you surround yourself with. Other than that, excuses are all bullshit. The only excuse is, you just stop caring. We all have to sleep in the bed that we made. That’s my worth, what's yours?

Dating Naked


Anonymous said...
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soozie said...

no matter how many times you said these words to me...right here in black and white, it finally hit me.
i AM dating down, have been for a very long time.
i want more, i deserve more, and now, am gonna work on projecting that onto others.
for real b, thanks...;)

kelly on October 7, 2010 at 9:38 AM said...

ahhhh...powerful and yes kind of harsh....kind of have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach with the realization of what you said...yet i kind of fell enlightened...hmmm

Anonymous said...

I found this very interesting and think it is well written.