Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Don't Most Girls Feel This Way?

And if so, why are we so commitment crazy when women can have everything they want, and that bag of chips with a side order of a few pounds?

Confused, well I will explain: I was reading a blogger named Isabella Snow: Smut in G Minor. And I stumbled upon her blog, "The big A-Ha Moment." The title just grabbed my attention, being my big A-Ha moment was when I prematurely ejaculated for the first time when I was like 12, during what must have been a pretty fucking good wet dream. But that's a whole other story entirely. Reading her big A-Ha moment, left me with one of my own, this blog.

So I'm reading, and reading...and I didn't get bored like I do with most things, while taking it all in. And I get to the part where she admits what I believe most women feel, but never say out loud unless she is mad at some guy, or, about to get her period. And she says:

"The simple truth is that I like not being in a relationship. That's not to say regular sex isn't to be missed, but a girl can get laid whenever she wants and there are plenty of toys to offset these things."

A-HAAAA...I KNEW IT!!! <-- I just had a moment, sorry.

Sex, love and the pursuit of happiness? That's what they would have you believe, only like Isabella Snow, it's not always the case. The only happiness we should worry about when it comes to sex, is that both parties got off. I still think it's insane that sex, and love, always have to be paired up. I think sex is lost on single people, or that's what people want you to believe. If you want the physicality, you had better be prepared for something more. Only, why is that? What if, like Isabella...she doesn't want the more, just a good in the moment? People, not a person to spend time with. I happen to believe lots of women feel the way Isabella described, yet it's almost wrong to admit. I always thought that. Why do women need us to commit? I mean, women can get laid...really, any time they want.

God, I hate you all. Just knowing that makes me want to give you crabs, but I digress.

But this is not about sex, it's really not. It's really about liberation from the commitment. Women have held sex hostage for too long...I have written before, that the prerequisite for sex, has always been commitment. Proving that sex is lost on single people. Ohhh, it's happening, but keep it to yourself, it's a secret. They won't admit to it out loud, being they don't want men grabbing on to the idea that they can get it easily...and without a relationship, commitment. What it has forced men to do, is give an elusion of one. She goes on to say:

"I do not want the things people in relationships have. I don't want children. I don't want to share a big house with a boyfriend or husband, because I like things the way I like them and I don't want to adapt to someone else's lifestyle."

Sounds like me in my early twenties. Truth, she sounds like single men who can actually get laid. I think we all have that in us, when we couldn't be bothered. You just don't hear many women come out and say it. I think it's refreshing. The saying is, knowing is half the battle...and if you know, why waste time living up to the idea of what society tells us is the norm...I say, rock out with your clam out - buck the rules, play by your own.

Do I believe Isabella will live happily ever after in single-dom? No, but this is where she is now, and she is comfortable with that. She just hasn't found that ONE guy, who encompasses all the things that makes her safely want to take off her vulnerability condom. Sometimes, we meet men or women who have aspects of things we want...but lack in other things. Maybe she just won't compromise her time and heart on guys who can make it as friends, but not forever. And maybe, she doesn't have a forever. It's better than pretending she has one, like most people these days. Too stubborn to fly alone, and breathe the fresh air of the truth. I believe she is more happy alone, than most people in commitments.

I probably sound like a commitment-phobe. But you couldn't be more wrong. I am just the "anti-bad- relationship-phobe". To some men and women, that makes me the anti-Christ. I love women, yes. I love kissing many women. I love when things just kind of bubble over and happen. I love sitting across the table, knowing a connection is happening. Being single is not lost on me. And being in a relationship will not get lost on me either. I will take my love for dating, into my forever. I just think it's amazing when someone knows there is life in single-dom. I hope everyone reading me, now and Isabella a read. She's worth your time. NAKED!!

Link for her blog incase you can't find her.


Lee the Hot Flash Queen on September 30, 2009 at 11:56 AM said...

Personally, I am not one of those women that believes that sex and commitment go hand in hand. I had plenty of Fuck buddies while I was single, and that was what they were used for. No meals, no dates, no phone calls, no wooing. Just fucking. It was fun.

Dating Naked on September 30, 2009 at 1:24 PM said...

I don't mind wooing in dating. can't call um friends, or buddies if you don't have some kind of relationship.

Stephanie Faris on September 30, 2009 at 3:14 PM said...

I'm a relationship person. Always have been. I'm not sure it's related to gender anymore...there are just some people who are better in relationships, some who are better at dating. My boyfriend is a relationship person...he SUCKED at dating! For me, a relationship is stability and security...I like having that. I hated the unpredictability and loneliness of being single...but that's just me.

Dating Naked on September 30, 2009 at 3:23 PM said...

I have been on both sides of the fence. Early in my teens, I was a relation-shippy person. After my first relationship ended, I needed to get away from it.

I think most people are relationship friendly.. but sometimes, we get in them for the sake of one. Not because we found the right person. The fear of being alone is a huge factor.

deidre on September 30, 2009 at 7:51 PM said...

FINALLY on here. Sheesh. (smooches)

I'm sure there's no surprise here...I've also been on both sides and I think that sometimes, I've felt the way that she does, and other times I haven't.

Primarily, my preference is the freedom of a relationship. And I mean that. For me, it is much freer inside a relationship than outside.

At the moment, I am in no hurry. I do not need a relationship to be happy. I have fuck buds. I have phone sex buds. I have toys.

What I need the most right now, is to give myself time to get my own s--t in order; my heart and mind is just not in relationship mode. It's just not. It would take someone really fantastic to turn my head, and keep my interest.

I've met nice. I've met asses. I've met men I'm fiercely sexually attracted to, but nothing else..and I've met lots and lots of selfish and boring. Who wants to attach in ANY way to that?

Do I think that all women feel the way Isabella does and then they don't say it? No. I think some do because of what they've experienced, and some don't...again because of their experiences.

I absolutely love a good relationship. LOVE it. And hope to be ready to try that again some day. Not today. Not tomorrow. But sometime.

In the meantime...I like those chips and the other options on the side..but please hold the neediness and demands on my time. Thank you....

Dating Naked on September 30, 2009 at 8:35 PM said...

god, you know that you with those long comments.

csilver on October 1, 2009 at 4:00 PM said...

"She just hasn't found that ONE guy, who encompasses all the things that makes her safely want to take off her vulnerability condom"

Basil... I loved this sentence...This is so ME! I love relationships but I just have not felt heart 'safe' with someone to let down that guard. I know it will happen..but for now, well I guess its ok to be with just ME...I'm not so bad

Goin to Cali!! on October 1, 2009 at 7:27 PM said...

Good blog! It's never safe to generalize everyone into one thing, but I definitely believe more and more women are realizing that they don't have to want a committment just because it's expected of them. The norms and expectations of society are changing. There have always been alot of assumptions about single women of all ages and now thank god it's all changing. Just as much as women who want committment and babies... is acceptable too. I've heard of some mothers who are married women who feel unaccepted by single career oriented women. That also is changing more and more.

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